lost423 Posted April 19, 2007 Share Posted April 19, 2007 I have been engaged for about 5 months, and I regret it. I asked my girlfriend to marry me because i felt outside pressure. Her mother and older sister was talking about "our wedding" and getting her all stirred up about it. When i finally asked the question, everyone was like "Well, what took so long?" I dont feel trapped in the relationship, but I feel really bad. I love this girl but I honestly don't think I want to marry her? Im not sure why I even asked? I feel weird being engaged to her, but I feel bad when I am thinking about calling it off. I want to get back with my ex from several years ago, but she knows Im currently engaged and we do not talk. My mother split us up many years ago when we were young. My family doesn't care much for her, but I had always felt "free" when I was with her before. I've always loved her with all of my heart, but I feel so screwed up over this. Link to post Share on other sites
fairy_dust Posted April 19, 2007 Share Posted April 19, 2007 Your engaged and the knot is not tied YET that is, you need to reaffirm your life and your decisions on who you truly feel for. Remember do not allow people to control your decisions and suede you to serious things that you have to live with. You have the opportunity to back out and the best way to do that is come clean with your gf and let her know who has been pushing you to ask. You really someone go after them because it will only kill you inside everyday after you marry a person you don't feel truly 'connected' with. Think about it.....is this person worth your time, energy, money and the rest of your life? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted April 19, 2007 Share Posted April 19, 2007 Ohmygod, DO NOT under any circumstances go through with marrying this girl. She is not the one you want to make a lifetime commitment to - you will just both be miserable for the rest of your lives if you do this. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted April 19, 2007 Share Posted April 19, 2007 Do both of you a kindness and call off the engagement. Better some short-term hurt now than lasting hurt in the future after the two of you have wasted years together. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted April 19, 2007 Share Posted April 19, 2007 Do both of you a kindness and call off the engagement. Better some short-term hurt now than lasting hurt in the future after the two of you have wasted years together. Take the advice of two seasoned, veteran "life-warriors" Better to break it off ~ than to make short term decisions with long term consequences. If you're still pining for the ex instead of the one your engaged to ~ your setting yourself up for misery. AS well as her. Neither one of them may be the one. What you've got to do is to do the work necessary to become a fully independent, self supporting, self validating human being. To where a relationship isn't something you've got to have ~ but rather because it makes you more and better of what you already are. It (the relationship) compliments you, not defines what and who you are. Too many people have it in their head that they're nothing ~ a no-body if they're not in a relationship. They've got it wrong! They're a no-body if they just got to have someone in their lives. If they've just got to be married, etc. First off ~ marriage isn't natural. The only things that are "natural" to human beings is a natural fear of heights and loud noises. Everything else, to inlcude marriage is learned. Marriage is a societial and cultural concept. 100,000 years ago, 50,000 years ago, 25,000 years ago ~ there wasn't any such thing as fidelity and marriage ~ there was just scroggin going on. Even society's and our culture's concept of marriage is dated by at least 100 or more years back to the Victorian Age. And, you know what? Its not working. Turns out women do want, need, and like sex? (And BTW ~ a Hell of a lot more!) Wow! What a concept? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 19, 2007 Share Posted April 19, 2007 Awesome post, Gunny! And you're right....DO NOT marry someone you don't love with all your heart and soul! I tried to escape the pain of broken relationship by immediately getting into a new one. I was with a guy for 7 years, but NEVER stopped thinking about the ex. 'Settling' is not a good idea. My sig. other knew that I didn't love him the same way he loved me -- he told me repeatedly that he felt like there was something still going on in my head and heart that involved someone else. I denied it, but he was right. I caused him a great deal of pain. Our relationship finally ended. Physically, I was faithful but emotionally, I never loved him the way he deserved to be loved. I was a kind person to him, but I was never truly his. I do feel guilty for that. Do yourself and her a favor -- DO NOT MARRY HER! Link to post Share on other sites
Jinxx Posted April 19, 2007 Share Posted April 19, 2007 I have been engaged for about 5 months, and I regret it. The kind and smart thing to do is to break it off now. You'll be in a world of hurt if you go through with this marriage. Don't do it. Not fair to either one of you. Link to post Share on other sites
michelangelo Posted April 19, 2007 Share Posted April 19, 2007 Because nothing says love like finding out someone wants to marry you because they can't get the other one. I know you want to avoid being the bad guy with your fiancee's family. But you need to man up and tell her you want to end the engagement. Not only that, you need to break up with her if you want another woman instead of her. Your fiancee will be hurt in the short run. But it will be far less damaging to her to do this now than later. Do not wait. Do not get her pregnant. Do not date the other girl nutil you break it off. Link to post Share on other sites
LabradorsGalor Posted April 19, 2007 Share Posted April 19, 2007 I'm sure you feel trapped and do not see a way to call off the wedding without seriously hurting your girlfriend/fiance. However, if you feel trapped now, you will feel even more trapped once you're married. Feeling trapped and unloved and unloving in a marriage is very painful and difficult. My adice to you is rather than calling off the wedding, simply tell your fiance that you care for her dearly but that you would like to postpone the wedding for awhile so that you too can really work on your relationship. I would go so far as to be honest about feeling pressured by family. If her mother and sister are truly that pushy, I'm sure she won't be surprised. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 19, 2007 Share Posted April 19, 2007 My adice to you is rather than calling off the wedding, simply tell your fiance that you care for her dearly but that you would like to postpone the wedding for awhile so that you too can really work on your relationship. I would go so far as to be honest about feeling pressured by family. If her mother and sister are truly that pushy, I'm sure she won't be surprised. But he wants to get back together with his ex. Until he decides WHO he wants, there's no point of even bothering to try to fix the relationship. And, to be honest, I don't think the issue is their relationship...The issue at hand is, he is still inlove with his ex and doesn't see a future with the woman he's with now. Better to end it now and let her find a man who will love her completely, than for him to settle for someone 'everyone else' wants him to marry. Sure it will hurt her like hell, but better now than 5-10 years from now. Chances are, he'll end up cheating on her with the ex at some point. Link to post Share on other sites
Reckless Posted April 19, 2007 Share Posted April 19, 2007 What you've got to do is to do the work necessary to become a fully independent, self supporting, self validating human being. I quoted Gunny because what struck me is how you have let major decisions be effectively made by other people. How you seem to be "stumbling" along, pushed and pulled and not liking were you are ending up. Regardless of who you end up with, you are either going to learn to exist fully independently or be trapped somewhere, unhappy, and 'blaming' those the 'put' you there. Its tough, but mostly it is a self-made problem and unless you take the advice given here, things will get much MUCH tougher for you as you find yourself in a marriage you don't really want, with a person you don't really love ,for reasons you didn't really understand.... Serious doubts are there for a reason - call off the wedding, there is no way to avoid it being ugly but its for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 End it now! Never get married if you have *any* doubts whatsoever. Link to post Share on other sites
grapeape Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 Dude, don't do it. It's just stupid. You already know how it's going to end. You're going to have to grow a pair and step up to the plate. At the very least, tell you fiancee that you need time to sort this all out. Be strong grasshopper ! Link to post Share on other sites
12breakfree Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 To me it seems like you love your now fiance but also feeling for you ex. I bet when you go back to your ex, you will keep thinking of now gf (fiance). What you really need to do is redefined your relationship with these two. How did you meet your fiance? How long have you meet her? It seems to me anyone can pressurized you to do whatever they want. You engaged is because her family pressured. You broke up with your ex-gf was because your mother. You need to work on yourself and decide who you want to be with, not just simply let these people influence your thought. Link to post Share on other sites
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