I'm a bad mother...

[justanothermother]

I am working on an exit plan but in the mean time, I HATE this man. This is NOT the man I fell in love with or wanted to be with. He has become a complete monster. I don't recognize him.

 

I feel like I am going to just lose it. He does everything he can to push me and I am ready to snap. I REALLY am.

 

Our oldest is suffering from constipation (sorry if TMI) and has had this problem since birth. It went away for awhile but now it's back. I mentioned that she should go see her pedi and he flipped out. He's blaming ME. He said that she's like this because I don't feed her right... She's a very picky eater and seeing a nutritionist. I am doing what I can for her but this of course is not enough.

 

I am a bad mother because I GAVE HER WHITE BREAD. That's right. Feeding your kids white bread makes you a bad parent, who knew? Apparently in his warped little mind if I had just given her wheat bread, she would be perfectly fine. Therefore her problems are all my doing.

 

He started taking everything out of the fridge and cabinets and appraising it all nutrition wise. Everything I've bought is wrong or bad. I have a fixed income and he doesn't give me a dime for groceries and yet he thinks he gets to dictate everything I buy... he must be joking.

 

Someone please stop me before I kill this crazy SOB.

[Mr. Lucky]

He started taking everything out of the fridge and cabinets and appraising it all nutrition wise. Everything I've bought is wrong or bad. I have a fixed income and he doesn't give me a dime for groceries and yet he thinks he gets to dictate everything I buy... he must be joking.

Are you married? Living together? Dating? What relationship is he to your daughter? Hard to give you any feedback without knowing...

 

John

[Storyrider]

I know this isn't what you asked for help with, but we had the constipation thing with our daughter. We mixed a little prune juice in with her juice that she drank every day. It works wonders. Just go lightly with it because you don't want the reverse problem.

[outofdarkness]

I am working on an exit plan but in the mean time, I HATE this man. This is NOT the man I fell in love with or wanted to be with. He has become a complete monster. I don't recognize him.

 

I feel like I am going to just lose it. He does everything he can to push me and I am ready to snap. I REALLY am.

 

Our oldest is suffering from constipation (sorry if TMI) and has had this problem since birth. It went away for awhile but now it's back. I mentioned that she should go see her pedi and he flipped out. He's blaming ME. He said that she's like this because I don't feed her right... She's a very picky eater and seeing a nutritionist. I am doing what I can for her but this of course is not enough.

 

I am a bad mother because I GAVE HER WHITE BREAD. That's right. Feeding your kids white bread makes you a bad parent, who knew? Apparently in his warped little mind if I had just given her wheat bread, she would be perfectly fine. Therefore her problems are all my doing.

 

He started taking everything out of the fridge and cabinets and appraising it all nutrition wise. Everything I've bought is wrong or bad. I have a fixed income and he doesn't give me a dime for groceries and yet he thinks he gets to dictate everything I buy... he must be joking.

 

Someone please stop me before I kill this crazy SOB.

Bless your heart!!! I am so sorry that you are going through this. Is your H a cheater? I am asking b/c many of the things/ behaviors you mention in your post are signs of cheating. Many times, when the H is seeing someone else, they begin to pick at every little thing you do and attack you in every way including HIS perception of what kind of Mother you are! Even if he's not cheating, he sounds very controlling and abusive to me...You are doing the right thing to protect yourself and your kids.

 

I am sorry but I had to chuckle about your white bread comment. My H has always been such a stickler for wheat bread, and of course, like most kids, mine always wanted to white. I got them used to the wheat from the get go, but as soon as the companies began to come out w/ white that might be somewhat acceptable to my H, I bought it b/c they asked for it and I didn't see the harm. NO!!! white bread does NOT cause constipation, but your H's behavior could be stressing your child out enough to cause him to have real physical problems, or at the very least, make a real problem that's already present, even worst.

 

One of our kids was always constipated as a baby...He is now chronically ill..I am not implying at ALL that your child is, but have you thought of having him checked out by a specialist..A pediatric gastro doc.? Most are only at major children's hospitals, and I don't know where you live..If it's not in a location near one of these, then you can many times, have an online consult. It's just a thought. My guess is that as soon as you get your ducks in a row and get away from him, your son may improve.

 

Don't let him bully you! I have done that for years, and it wears you down until you totally lose yourself! It sounds like you've still got alot of fight and fire in you...GOOD!! KEEP IT!! You are not in the wrong here based on your post. Feel free to PM me if you have that capability yet...

[justanothermother]

Are you married? Living together? Dating? What relationship is he to your daughter? Hard to give you any feedback without knowing...

 

John

He's her father and we do live together. Don't see how it makes a lick of difference though. He only spends money on himself and has never so much as bought his kids a pair of socks but wants to b*tch and moan about what I do for them...

 

My daughter's birthday is coming up and he won't even give me a dime towards that. Says he doesn't have the money to even buy her a cake. Funny that he still finds money to spend on stuff he wants though.

 

I HATE HIM.

[outofdarkness]

He's her father and we do live together. Don't see how it makes a lick of difference though. He only spends money on himself and has never so much as bought his kids a pair of socks but wants to b*tch and moan about what I do for them...

 

My daughter's birthday is coming up and he won't even give me a dime towards that. Says he doesn't have the money to even buy her a cake. Funny that he still finds money to spend on stuff he wants though.

 

I HATE HIM.

He sounds like a real a--...I'd hurry w/ your exit plan and get away from him. He doesn't take care of his kids!! NO B day cake??? How sad!! I am so sorry..

[justanothermother]

Bless your heart!!! I am so sorry that you are going through this. Is your H a cheater? I am asking b/c many of the things/ behaviors you mention in your post are signs of cheating. Many times, when the H is seeing someone else, they begin to pick at every little thing you do and attack you in every way including HIS perception of what kind of Mother you are! Even if he's not cheating, he sounds very controlling and abusive to me...You are doing the right thing to protect yourself and your kids.

 

I am sorry but I had to chuckle about your white bread comment. My H has always been such a stickler for wheat bread, and of course, like most kids, mine always wanted to white. I got them used to the wheat from the get go, but as soon as the companies began to come out w/ white that might be somewhat acceptable to my H, I bought it b/c they asked for it and I didn't see the harm. NO!!! white bread does NOT cause constipation, but your H's behavior could be stressing your child out enough to cause him to have real physical problems, or at the very least, make a real problem that's already present, even worst.

 

One of our kids was always constipated as a baby...He is now chronically ill..I am not implying at ALL that your child is, but have you thought of having him checked out by a specialist..A pediatric gastro doc.? Most are only at major children's hospitals, and I don't know where you live..If it's not in a location near one of these, then you can many times, have an online consult. It's just a thought. My guess is that as soon as you get your ducks in a row and get away from him, your son may improve.

 

Don't let him bully you! I have done that for years, and it wears you down until you totally lose yourself! It sounds like you've still got alot of fight and fire in you...GOOD!! KEEP IT!! You are not in the wrong here based on your post. Feel free to PM me if you have that capability yet...

 

He's a cheater all right. Feels no guilt over it. Bastard even took off to go have fun while I was in the hospital after nearly dying from birthing HIS child. Great catch huh? He's not gaslighting me with this behavior because he can go do whatever the hell he wants now with whomever he wants and I'll do the same. He agreed to those terms. I just stopped caring. I have given up on him completely. He's a waste of oxygen.

 

My daughter has had serious problems with her digestive system since birth and other problems as well. She was on more meds than I could count. She is developmentally slow and sees specialists twice a week.

 

For the longest time he refused to believe that she had anything wrong with her at all, even though it was obvious. I mean she had reflux so bad and he would STILL deny it. He would accuse me of lying to the doctors about her condition. He would tell me that I was just looking to shove more medicine down her throat that she didn't need. He was hurtful and cruel. I did everything for my daughter and it was so hard, especially with an asshat there to fight me every step of the way.

 

Then once he FINALLY acknowledged that she had a problem, it was MY fault. I am a bad mother that made her like this...

 

He is a POS.

[justanothermother]

He sounds like a real a--...I'd hurry w/ your exit plan and get away from him. He doesn't take care of his kids!! NO B day cake??? How sad!! I am so sorry..

 

No! She'll have a cake. Mommy will buy the cake, and the presents, and the food all by myself... just like I had to do last year.

[corazoncito]

I usually just lurk on the threads about problems between couples who have children, because I don't have any yet. But this sounds really awful.

 

All I can say is that it sounds like you would be better off coming up with a plan to GET OUT.

 

About this child's father. Either he wants to be in her life, in which case you need to take him to court and get him to pay child support, or he should be out of it totally. And that would mean signing away his legal rights as a father. Since she has a lot of medical problems the second option is pretty significant (not just that it lets him of the hook for helping out financially, but he also would have no say in how she was treated medically).

[jmargel]

You are not a bad mother. You are completely the opposite of that. You are in a very controling relationship and the only way to save your sanity and the health of your children is to leave.

 

Don't kill him! Your threats sound quite serious.

 

Do you have family or friends where you can stay? Do you fear for your or your children's safety if you left? I would call the domestic relations department at your local courthouse and see what kind of options you have. Sounds like there is nothing that can be done to save this relationship. It's time to move on.

[justanothermother]

You are not a bad mother. You are completely the opposite of that. You are in a very controling relationship and the only way to save your sanity and the health of your children is to leave.

 

Don't kill him! Your threats sound quite serious.

 

Do you have family or friends where you can stay? Do you fear for your or your children's safety if you left? I would call the domestic relations department at your local courthouse and see what kind of options you have. Sounds like there is nothing that can be done to save this relationship. It's time to move on.

Don't worry I don't have it in me to harm anyone... I am just at my wits end. I think if and when I leave he will do one of two things.

 

1.) Fight me for custody NOT because he wants it but as a way of trying to hurt me in the most lethal manner. The scary thing is that I have a history of suicide attempts and depression in my past, way before he even came into my life but I made the mistake of telling him about it. If he gets a good lawyer he could possibly win due to that. I am scared to death of losing my babies...

 

2.) Come by a few times and then contact dwindles to nothing and he starts in with the games. (I don't have money, I had to quit my job... yada yada yada)

 

I am hoping for door number two.

 

I know I am not a bad mother. I love my kids more than anything in the world and would die for them. I take damn good care of them. It makes me insane to hear him insult and complain about me when I'm the one pulling 99% of the weight.

 

I have no one to turn to for support which is why I have to gets my ducks in a row rather than just take off and the domestic abuse places won't help me because I am not being beaten... I guess mental torture doesn't count as abuse...

[outofdarkness]

Don't worry I don't have it in me to harm anyone... I am just at my wits end. I think if and when I leave he will do one of two things.

 

1.) Fight me for custody NOT because he wants it but as a way of trying to hurt me in the most lethal manner. The scary thing is that I have a history of suicide attempts and depression in my past, way before he even came into my life but I made the mistake of telling him about it. If he gets a good lawyer he could possibly win due to that. I am scared to death of losing my babies...

 

2.) Come by a few times and then contact dwindles to nothing and he starts in with the games. (I don't have money, I had to quit my job... yada yada yada)

 

I am hoping for door number two.

 

I know I am not a bad mother. I love my kids more than anything in the world and would die for them. I take damn good care of them. It makes me insane to hear him insult and complain about me when I'm the one pulling 99% of the weight.

 

I have no one to turn to for support which is why I have to gets my ducks in a row rather than just take off and the domestic abuse places won't help me because I am not being beaten... I guess mental torture doesn't count as abuse...

Well...yes, it does count..I agree that going to the government domestic abuse agency might not be a good idea, but there are other non profit places where you can get help. Get on your computer asap and see what your options are. There are people out there who want to help and will help but you have to contact them. They don't know you're in trouble unless you contact them..

 

M like this often project their own guilt and low self esteem on to the very people that they are suppose to care for and love. It's not about YOU! HE is using you to dump on b/c he can't deal w/ his own stuff. HE has problems that have nothing to do w/ you.

 

Re: Your fear of losing your kids. I understand why you would feel this way given the history that you mentioned. This is why is all the more important to seek out a support system NOW..You might need these people to help you in a child custody hearing, etc...Just b/c you have had problems, even before you met him, doesn't necessarily mean that a judge would consider you to be a bad Mother. If the problems are still bothering you, you should consider getting some help right now, so at least you can start to heal AND you are able to say in a child custody dispute; "yes, I know I have these issues, but I have in the past and am currently addressing them w/ a professional..

 

Try to calm down and for goodness sake, if you aren't feeling like hurting him, and I do believe you when you say you're not, DON'T PUT ANYTHING LIKE THAT IN WRITING ANYWHERE..EVER..Anything you type into your computer can always be retrieved somehow. Reach out to us for help but don't ever put threats like that in writing unless you REALLY mean it!!!

 

Let me know if you can't find any resources on the net, and I will try to help find some and give you the links...I don't know of any right off hand, but would be willing to research a bit for you...My thoughts are with you and remember that you are not alone..

[justanothermother]

Try to calm down and for goodness sake, if you aren't feeling like hurting him, and I do believe you when you say you're not, DON'T PUT ANYTHING LIKE THAT IN WRITING ANYWHERE..EVER..Anything you type into your computer can always be retrieved somehow. Reach out to us for help but don't ever put threats like that in writing unless you REALLY mean it!!!

 

You're right. I probably shouldn't post anything about my situation at all. It would be my luck that he would somehow find it and use it against me to show just how "dangerous" or "unstable" I am or something.

 

I'm so stupid. I just really don't have anywhere to turn. I just feel like giving up. Everything is just so messed up, I don't know how I'm ever going to recover my life from this abyss or if it's even possible...

[outofdarkness]

You're right. I probably shouldn't post anything about my situation at all. It would be my luck that he would somehow find it and use it against me to show just how "dangerous" or "unstable" I am or something.

 

I'm so stupid. I just really don't have anywhere to turn. I just feel like giving up. Everything is just so messed up, I don't know how I'm ever going to recover my life from this abyss or if it's even possible...

NO!! I didn't mean don't post at all...Just be careful about what you say and how you say it...Stay on LoveShack and once you get private message capability, use that to communicate w/ us if you have something to say that shouldn't be posted...THAT is what I meant! For goodness sake, don't stop coming here! It's a great place to come for support, guidance and advice...Keep coming back!

[Mr. Lucky]

He's her father and we do live together. Don't see how it makes a lick of difference though.

Well, it matters for a lot of reasons, many of which will impact your situation if you split. The Father obviously has legal rights AND responsibilities, much different from a non-parental BF.

 

The way you describe him and your situation - why would you possibly want to subject yourself and your kids to that? If you start planning your exit, at least you'll feel like you have a future. Good luck...

 

Mr. Lucky