a4a, I need your d--n fork

[My Fair Katie]

Or a spork. Yes, he deserves to be castrated with a spork.

 

My Fair Husband's (aka turd burger with cheese) favorite meal is stuffed cabbage, something I don't often make because it's time intensive and a pain in my ass.

 

This morning I get up early to start his stuffed cabbage (made in a slow cooker, takes 8-10 hours to cook). It's a chilly day here and I thought the comfort food would be nice.

 

I come downstairs to the kitchen I last saw spotless and it's a MESS. The dishwasher still has the clean dishes he was supposed to put away. The dried dishes are still in the drying rack, and there are dirty dishes all over the counters and in the sink (he eats breakfast and lunch in his office and often hoardes the dirty dishes and brings them all down at the same time).

 

So, I did his chores. I emptied the dishwasher, I put away the dry dishes in the rack, I washed all his hoarded dishes, and sanitized the counters to start preparing the stuffed cabbage.

 

I'm not exactly a whiz in the kitchen, I throw together a good meal, but I'm painstakingly slow at it. So, about an hour later I've got 12 leaves of cabbage stuffed and rolled, put 'em in the crock pot and start them cooking. Made a huge mess making them, so I do all the dishes I made and start to clean and disinfect the counters.

 

At 9:30 am Turd Burger with Cheese wakes up. He calls down for me to put the kettle on for his oatmeal. I do and set about finishing cleaning my counters. Kettle whistles. And continues to whistle for the next minute. So I take it off, make his oatmeal, and bring it up to his highness in his office.

 

Finally 10 am, I make my own breakfast and sit down to eat it. At 10:30 the windstorm interrupts as Turd Burger with Cheese wants me to bring in the lawn umbrella and windchimes. I climb up on a rickety chair and get the windchimes. Need help with the umbrella and Turd Burger with Cheese moans and sighs and marytrs himself in helping me.

 

I return to my breakfast, finish put away the dishes, turn on the computer. Sit down to check emails and send off some more resumes when Turd Burger with Cheese comes down to refill his water bottle and ask me to reheat him some pizza for lunch. As I'm preheating the oven and getting out a cookie sheet Turd Burger with Cheese. asks me, in a rather accusatory tone, "What have *you* been up to this morning?"

 

I ignored it.

 

He said, "Remember to call the vet today." I told him I'd call as soon as I finish with his lunch.

 

The final nail in his castration coffin.

 

"By the way, your therapist called on April 9th, I keep forgetting to give you the message."

 

It's April 16th.

 

SPORK SPORK SPORK.

 

BTW, when I took him up his f'ing pizza, he was playing Sim City while doing "work."

 

What have *I* been doing all morning? SPOOOOORK!

[whichwayisup]

Does he ask you to wipe his ass too?? I don't know how you put up with that.

[My Fair Katie]

Does he ask you to wipe his ass too?? I don't know how you put up with that.

 

No, but after his vasectomy he asked me to put bikini zone on his balls. Grown d--n man needing me to put pube cream on his own balls.

 

Gimme a break.

 

SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORK.

[a4a]

Oh Katie welcome to Motherhood!!! :lmao:

 

I have my own teen to deal with...... doing his taxes today, ooooopsy I guess he forgot. You know the w2 has just been in the house for only a month or two........ :rolleyes: So I am missing work doing his personal taxes.

 

 

I am ballistic as well....... Fork is out and waiting for him.

 

I suggest you cook that cabbage, set aside the portion you want and then peg him in the head with the rest of it... .... eat your cabbage then go out for the night......... and don't say a word to him.

 

OR

 

Stick his Sim City game in the flippin' crock pot with the cabbage!

 

I don't know what other consquences you can levy on pre-teen husbands.

[a4a]

No, but after his vasectomy he asked me to put bikini zone on his balls. Grown d--n man needing me to put pube cream on his own balls.

 

Gimme a break.

 

SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORK.

 

You should have but used Ben Gay instead.....

[JackJack]

As long as YOU continue to do his sh*t for him, his behavior will continue. BTW, he knows this too. Its a pretty cruel mental game. But thats exactly what it is.

[whichwayisup]

No, but after his vasectomy he asked me to put bikini zone on his balls. Grown d--n man needing me to put pube cream on his own balls.

 

Gimme a break.

 

SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORK.

 

Well, I actually would do that if my H got the snip and needed help down there.

 

As long as YOU continue to do his sh*t for him, his behavior will continue. BTW, he knows this too. Its a pretty cruel mental game. But thats exactly what it is.

 

I agree with this. Why are you allowing him to make you do everything for him? What exactly was he doing upstairs that kept him so busy that he couldn't make his own pizza, or breakfast? Or bring in the windchimes from outside?

[My Fair Katie]

As long as YOU continue to do his sh*t for him, his behavior will continue. BTW, he knows this too. Its a pretty cruel mental game. But thats exactly what it is.

 

I'm in surival mode right now.

 

I do NOT plan on staying. But I also don't plan on tipping my hand.

 

BTW, as a general rule, I don't mind the fact that I do the majority of household chores, as I'm the one that prefers a clean house, it only bothers me that Turd Burger seems to think the magic cleaning fairy picks up after him and he's so freakin' rude about it.

 

You are right though, as Stephen Colbert would say, I'm not rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic, if anything I'm rearannging the chairs on the Hindenburg.

[a4a]

As long as YOU continue to do his sh*t for him, his behavior will continue. BTW, he knows this too. Its a pretty cruel mental game. But thats exactly what it is.

 

Sure Jack that is easy to say but when they do things like not pay bills and you end up without running water....... you cannot just let it go.

 

They force you to do things for them, otherwise it effects you in the worst way.

 

Forced to nag, remind, leave notes, badger them, and take care of the things they neglect to do because otherwise it puts you in the crapper with them.

 

Like having a really careless, useless, suck butt business partner.....

 

Then you are labelled a biotch, nag, mean, heartless, evil, typical women..... yep that is what happens when you end up with a asshat that tricked you into an R with them so they could revert to their Pre - teen ways.

[My Fair Katie]

What exactly was he doing upstairs that kept him so busy that he couldn't make his own pizza, or breakfast? Or bring in the windchimes from outside?

 

He works from home.

[a4a]

I'm in surival mode right now.

 

I do NOT plan on staying. But I also don't plan on tipping my hand.

 

BTW, as a general rule, I don't mind the fact that I do the majority of household chores, as I'm the one that prefers a clean house, it only bothers me that Turd Burger seems to think the magic cleaning fairy picks up after him and he's so freakin' rude about it.

 

You are right though, as Stephen Colbert would say, I'm not rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic, if anything I'm rearannging the chairs on the Hindenburg.

 

Katie do you want to become a lesbian and just shack up with me?

 

I am organized, I plan, take action, and I have a nice butt.

 

And don't buy into the "I don't know why I do it" crap.

I was going to, I meant to, I planned on it, ......... blah blah blah......

 

shuddup pussyboy! I don't want to hear your crap!

[bab]

BTW, as a general rule, I don't mind the fact that I do the majority of household chores, as I'm the one that prefers a clean house, it only bothers me that Turd Burger seems to think the magic cleaning fairy picks up after him and he's so freakin' rude about it.

 

:lmao:

 

I do all the laundry at our house. Yesterday H was actually putting away some clothes while I was laying in bed. His exact quote:

"OOOOhhhhh.....the laundry fairy is going to be mad at you! Here she did all this laundry and you aren't helping put it away. She's going to stop doing your laundry and only keep doing mine." :lmao:

[a4a]

He works from home.

 

Go throw a can of soup at his head ........ that way he won't miss lunch.

[sunshinegirl]

Hi Katie,

 

I don't know much of your story, so forgive me if my comments are off or don't apply.

 

You seem pretty resentful of your H, what with the name-calling and keeping a list of all the things you do for him. Has this been a long-standing pattern between you - his being so demanding, his not understanding or appreciating what you do for him, your continuing to do those things but venting about them online?

 

In your shoes, I might be feeling and saying the exact same things, so please don't hear me as judging or criticizing you. At the same time, to the degree that this dynamic is breeding real resentment within you, it does seem like a bad pattern. Have either of you ever considered counseling?

 

Who is it, Dr. John Gottman, who calls resentment or namecalling one of the "four horsemen of the apocalypse" in marriage?

[FireandIce]

Sorry but I wouldn't put up with that. Okay, cleaning up the kitchen after him I would probably do (I've been picking up dirty socks in the hallway for 9 years now because he can't walk 10 feet to put them in the basket) but running around doing the things he's asking you would be a definite no with me. There is no reason he can't make his own breakfast or lunch. Turning on the kettle isn't rocket science so why won't he do it? You're not his maid or his mother, you are his wife. He needs to start treating you as one.

[a4a]

:lmao:

 

I do all the laundry at our house. Yesterday H was actually putting away some clothes while I was laying in bed. His exact quote:

"OOOOhhhhh.....the laundry fairy is going to be mad at you! Here she did all this laundry and you aren't helping put it away. She's going to stop doing your laundry and only keep doing mine." :lmao:

 

Did you put a gold fruckin' star on his "I am a good boy" refrigerator chart ?

[bab]

Seriously though, your H sounds like a a**, are you really getting things in order to leave him?

[Art_Critic]

Go throw a can of soup at his head ........ that way he won't miss lunch.

 

........

[a4a]

Sorry but I wouldn't put up with that. Okay, cleaning up the kitchen after him I would probably do (I've been picking up dirty socks in the hallway for 9 years now because he can't walk 10 feet to put them in the basket) but running around doing the things he's asking you would be a definite no with me. There is no reason he can't make his own breakfast or lunch. Turning on the kettle isn't rocket science so why won't he do it? You're not his maid or his mother, you are his wife. He needs to start treating you as one.

 

you missed : accountant, nurse, secretary, handyman, butter churner, den mother, and shrink.

 

:lmao: :lmao:

[whichwayisup]

It's nice to make your spouse breakfast and lunch, couples do nice things for eachother, but it has to be a give and take thing and also, it's a good thing when the other person says thanks, with a big smile on their face.

 

You're not feeling like he appreciates all that you do for him, and maybe it's time you talk to him, let him know that the way he treats you makes you feel like his personal maid and not his wife!

[JackJack]

Sure Jack that is easy to say but when they do things like not pay bills and you end up without running water....... you cannot just let it go.

 

I understand this, and yes, you may have to be the one to pay the bills if he wont, because you sure don't want the bills to go unpaid.

 

I guess I was referring more to things like doing the dishes or laundry or taking out he trash, etc. And yes as long as it keeps getting done by someone else they will never learn to step up to the plate. Unfortunatley there are many who never do/will.

[bab]

Did you put a gold fruckin' star on his "I am a good boy" refrigerator chart ?

 

Nah, but maybe I should've gotten the dog's clicker and tried more positive reinforcement training techniques?

[JackJack]

I forgot to add, since babs post beat me, and wasn't able to edit, anyway, I guess bide your time until you are prepared to leave, because I highly doubt it will get any better.

[My Fair Katie]

Hi Katie,

 

I don't know much of your story, so forgive me if my comments are off or don't apply.

 

That's okay, I don't post the majority of it .

 

You seem pretty resentful of your H, what with the name-calling and keeping a list of all the things you do for him. Has this been a long-standing pattern between you - his being so demanding, his not understanding or appreciating what you do for him, your continuing to do those things but venting about them online?

 

Yes, I resent him very much. I resent that we can have a calm rational discussion about things and things will be great for about 2 weeks and then he slips back into old patterns. I resent that he tells me I should just nag him if that happens, but when I do I get a severe "talking down."

 

The cruel names, well, Turd Burger used to be a term of affection (we're weird). As far as a list of what I do for him. It's not a list, that's just what I did this morning. I would not have listed it if he had not brought up in his snotty tone "what have *you* done this morning?"

 

I resent that when I worked up the courage to ask for a divorce, and point blank asked my husband if he was in love with me and wanted to be married or if it was just EASIER on him to be married he told me he didn't know. I resent that despite that I stayed, mostly because he cried and I always fall for the "I'm the world's worst husband, comfort me routine."

 

I can be justifiably hurt by something he has said or done and yet I always comfort him. Yes, it's my habit, and I own it, but I resent him for knowing how to manipulate me and knowingly choosing to do so.

 

I used to fight back. But it was messy, usually ending with unneccessarily hurt feelings. For instance once he was being a jerk about me wanting to go back to grad school and I, exhasperated, said, "I swear, sometimes I feel like my therapist supports me more than you do." To which he said, "I pay her to support you."

 

Stung. I forgave it, but it's hard to forget. That's genuinely how he feels.

 

In your shoes, I might be feeling and saying the exact same things, so please don't hear me as judging or criticizing you. At the same time, to the degree that this dynamic is breeding real resentment within you, it does seem like a bad pattern. Have either of you ever considered counseling?

 

Yes, I am in counseling. Remember, my therapist called on April what did he say? 9th? It's April 16th and I'm now getting that message. Thanks.

 

He had a therapist to deal with anger issues. It was a requirement if I were to stay married to him. He has stopped going.

 

Who is it, Dr. John Gottman, who calls resentment or namecalling one of the "four horsemen of the apocalypse" in marriage?

 

I don't call him names to his face. Occassionally I will tell him to stop being a jerk if he's being rude to a waiter.

[a4a]

Wow Katie are we married to the same guy?

 

Mine is supposed to be seeing a shrinky dink...... but it does no good.

 

waste of money.

 

I used to blame myself..... not any more. It is not me, it is him.

 

and I had enough of the "I am a terrible husband" speech from him too.

 

Mine cycles too..... mentalstration. good for 2-3 weeks then back to the same old crap.

 

get out....... save yourself.

 

I have called mine names to his face........ at this point I don't care.

 

Even told him the only reason I am here at this house is because of my animals...... I cannot wait to feel the relief of walking out that door.

 

Then he can say " I don't know why she left me" :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: (I told him that too)