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after 4 years and a child and still


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Hi,

 

i've been with my boyfriend for 4 years. We live together and have a beuatiful daughter of 2. The thing is that over the past 4 years, he seems to think that I don't love him. I don't know why. Honestly, I haven't done anything to him for him to think that I don't love him. In fact, I have given myself to him, gave more than I should give to him to show him that I love him. I haven even given him a child. I have never cheated on him, lied to him, or whatever you can think of.

 

And you know what he does? He makes thing up like me chatting on the internet with guys, or talking to men at work over the phone and what not. I never chatted with anyone on the internet since many years ago before we met. But it became so that I got so tired of his accusations that I deprived myself in a lot of things.

 

I had a computer but without internet access, kept all the receipts when I was shopping, making sure that I answered whenever he called. Had the phone with me in the bathroom, everytime very close to me so that I won;t miss a call, cause what would he think. It hurts because I truly love him and would never do anything to hurt him. Why can't he start trusting me and believe in my love?

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SydneyHeart

Umm why are you STILL worried about HIM and how he feels? Jeez girl, he is totally controlling your life, and it's NOT ok. He needs some counseling or something, and he is very lucky to have someone who loves him as much as you do, but it honestly is NOT ok for him to be acting in a way which completely controls your actions and undermines you. You keep receipts to show him? You can't miss one phone call by 5 minutes when you are in the loo? Come on now, you can't think that's ok!

 

Start something like this "I love you, and I don't want to do anything to hurt you, but your lack of trust and faith in me is really beginning to get me down and affect my life and we need to do something about it"

 

Then he needs to get himself sorted out. If you have never done ANYTHING to make him lose trust, then this is totally his issue to sort out, not yours. By supporting the behaviour you are not helping him at all.

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dropdeadlegs

Natalie, it sounds like classic insecurity caused by lack of self esteem. Not having self esteem, he self consciously thinks he doesn't deserve a loving, faithful partner, and projects his thoughts into you with mistrust and accusations.

 

It is not your problem , it is his, and there is precious little you can do to ease his mind. Individual counseling is what he needs, and he probably needs quite a bit of it, not just a few sessions.

 

He may have been burned in the past, but it's still not your problem to overcome his fears for him. You are doing all that you can, and depriving yourself and paying special attention to his needs is going to wear you down. It might even make you contemptuous eventually.

 

Many people will not consider counseling. They don't have the money or the time. Reading some self help books can be helpful.

 

I would also suggest a heartfelt conversation about this insecurity of his affecting you and making you feel like an accountability "prisoner." Accusations of an untrue nature will eventually drive you away seeking some kind of freedom to just "be."

 

Good luck!

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