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why would an ex-wife want to keep my name after we divorce?


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i thought about that as well 10 years ago and i told her i would prefer that she did not use my last name. she replied she wanted to keep it for continuity sake for our duaghter, and because her last name always caused her trouble - so, i agreed. and it has helped our duaghter - she was going thru enuff with the separation and then divorce and i am glad that was one less stress i placed on my daughter.

 

 

Now I was married for 17 years, and 2 years after my separation and while waiting for my divorce papers to be official I meant THE ONE and we had 4 year LTR, which unfortunately ended a while back and it was during this period of reflection that i discovered that I really never knew how clued out I was in this game we call LOVE. It turns out everything I been doing [not counting the screw up during the relationship] to get my ex back are the very things I should not have been doing.

 

For example:

• I told her I love her every two seconds

• I said sorry every three seconds and told her after two weeks everything will be different from now on

• I gave reassurance that I changed and that we should try again

 

Then I started actually thinking from her stand point. Tried seeing the things that made her interest change – and the list was pretty long I tell ya but I started tackling each one, and over a year I finally got to a point where at least I believed she was listening to me. Does she want to be with me again? Only she knows that.

 

All I can do is the best I can with my life and hope she sees that as something she wants. My advice to men out there - don't take things for granted and think you know women, YOU DON'T - you have to learn every day and make it and them a proirity. And if you do that chances are you will have a wonderful relationship with THE ONE.

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i thought about that as well 10 years ago and i told her i would prefer that she did not use my last name. she replied she wanted to keep it for continuity sake for our duaghter, and because her last name always caused her trouble - so, i agreed. and it has helped our duaghter - she was going thru enuff with the separation and then divorce and i am glad that was one less stress i placed on my daughter.

 

 

Now I was married for 17 years, and 2 years after my separation and while waiting for my divorce papers to be official I meant THE ONE and we had 4 year LTR, which unfortunately ended a while back and it was during this period of reflection that i discovered that I really never knew how clued out I was in this game we call LOVE. It turns out everything I been doing [not counting the screw up during the relationship] to get my ex back are the very things I should not have been doing.

 

For example:

• I told her I love her every two seconds

• I said sorry every three seconds and told her after two weeks everything will be different from now on

• I gave reassurance that I changed and that we should try again

 

Then I started actually thinking from her stand point. Tried seeing the things that made her interest change – and the list was pretty long I tell ya but I started tackling each one, and over a year I finally got to a point where at least I believed she was listening to me. Does she want to be with me again? Only she knows that.

 

All I can do is the best I can with my life and hope she sees that as something she wants. My advice to men out there - don't take things for granted and think you know women, YOU DON'T - you have to learn every day and make it and them a proirity. And if you do that chances are you will have a wonderful relationship with THE ONE.

 

the last two lines!!! keep that close to your heart and you will win either way!!!

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i thought about that as well 10 years ago and i told her i would prefer that she did not use my last name. she replied she wanted to keep it for continuity sake for our duaghter, and because her last name always caused her trouble - so, i agreed. and it has helped our duaghter - she was going thru enuff with the separation and then divorce and i am glad that was one less stress i placed on my daughter.

 

 

Now I was married for 17 years, and 2 years after my separation and while waiting for my divorce papers to be official I meant THE ONE and we had 4 year LTR, which unfortunately ended a while back and it was during this period of reflection that i discovered that I really never knew how clued out I was in this game we call LOVE. It turns out everything I been doing [not counting the screw up during the relationship] to get my ex back are the very things I should not have been doing.

 

For example:

• I told her I love her every two seconds

• I said sorry every three seconds and told her after two weeks everything will be different from now on

• I gave reassurance that I changed and that we should try again

 

Then I started actually thinking from her stand point. Tried seeing the things that made her interest change – and the list was pretty long I tell ya but I started tackling each one, and over a year I finally got to a point where at least I believed she was listening to me. Does she want to be with me again? Only she knows that.

 

All I can do is the best I can with my life and hope she sees that as something she wants. My advice to men out there - don't take things for granted and think you know women, YOU DON'T - you have to learn every day and make it and them a proirity. And if you do that chances are you will have a wonderful relationship with THE ONE.

 

 

i'm not sure if your exwife it keeping your last name because she hopes to get back together or really for convienence. How is the relationship? Is she the one and you want advice to get her back? more info would help to give proper advice.

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I kept his last name because it costs money to change it back and divorces are expensive enough as it is. It really is MUCH easier to keep his last name, especially if there are children.

 

At no time during or after my divorce did I want to ever be with him again. Keeping his last name definitely did not mean that for me.

 

Sorry to burst your bubble.

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once you get married and she accepts your name as hers it is no longer just your name.. it is now her name.

I understand the feeling.. I was married only 5 years and no kids and she kept her last name.. in the beginning it drove me nuts and then I realized that it is ignorant of me to think that it isn't her name to keep.. it is..

 

For the rest of her life even if she changes her name back to her maiden name she legally will always be known as her married name..

 

you have kids.. I have always felt the the kids should have the name as the Mom.. it helps the children in their grounding.

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Romeo Must Die

You gave her your name, and now it's hers to keep.

 

If you wanted to get back together with your ex-wife, why don't you talk to her and see what she has to say about that?

 

Of course, it would have been alot nicer if you didn't choose the person you thought was THE ONE for your wife, the mother of your children (yes THE ONE you had all along) but you know what, reconcilliation after divorce is not impossible, my friend.

 

Like you, my husband had an affair (off and on) over the last three years. We seperated and then divorced. I was the one who filed and it was also my decision to finish what we started, because as far as I was concerned, after what he did to me, that marriage was though.

 

I have since then reconcilled with my ex-husband.

 

I guess (technically) that makes me his girlfriend now, but I still refer to him as my husband and he still calls me his wife. Wether we get remarried again remains to be seen. I want it to be on our terms, and not to have anything to proove. Heck, we were even reconcilling during the divorce process itself. We were probably the only divorced couple (that I know of) who were making-out in the hallway before we were called to come in and finalize our divorce.

 

The concern I have with you is, you arent like my husband. You didn't come back for her when it really mattered and time is an issue. You had somebody else to help you through the divorce (a comfy pillow to land on) and you left your wife high and dry. You abandoned her for the other woman and probably proclaimed to the entire world that OW was THE ONE.

 

He did however say the same thing you did, that he had also taken me for granted, all the things I did, having me with him all the time as a companion, and every little detail was suddenly realized after he'd lost it forever.

 

It didn't occur to you to do anything about it until now, because affair was over, you know what I'm saying? I mean, that alone would make a person feel like chopped liver. Like you only want her back because you got dumped, or whatever happened with your affair partner. What have you learned? What has changed? Basicly, what do you have to offer her now that you didn't have to give her then?

 

I think it would make her feel a lot better to know that you at least ended up splitting up with the other woman and that you wanted your wife back. Thats better than nothing, I suppose. The only people that can make that decision is you and your ex wife.

 

:bunny:

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I kept his last name because it costs money to change it back and divorces are expensive enough as it is. It really is MUCH easier to keep his last name, especially if there are children.

 

At no time during or after my divorce did I want to ever be with him again. Keeping his last name definitely did not mean that for me.

 

Sorry to burst your bubble.

 

It costs money to change it back? It didn't cost me a dime. When I got divorced I went back to my maiden name with no problem whatsoever.

 

And I agree with those who said it's the right thing to do to keep the same name as the kids. I didn't have any kids with my ex or I would have kept his name.

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My suggestion is to just tell your wife (sorry, I mean ex-wife) that you want her back and tell her how you've changed or what you're willing to do to make things better.

 

What do you have to lose? Pride is overrated if you want to be back as a family unit.

 

Good luck.

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My suggestion is to just tell your wife (sorry, I mean ex-wife) that you want her back and tell her how you've changed or what you're willing to do to make things better.

 

What do you have to lose? Pride is overrated if you want to be back as a family unit.

 

Good luck.

 

Very well said, Climber. I agree.

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you have kids.. I have always felt the the kids should have the name as the Mom.. it helps the children in their grounding.

 

I agree with this. Just because you and her are no longer married doesn't mean that your children should have to have parents with two different lastnames.

 

I DO get that it bugs you, but in all honesty, think of your kids first on this one.

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reservoirdog1

The whole name thing bugged me for awhile after splitting from WXW. I kept thinking, "wow, she didn't want to be married to me... but she DID want to keep my name? WTF?" I still think it's kind of dumb that she keeps it; firstly, her maiden name is part of both our kids names (though they're really known by my last name). If she asked me to have them go by hyphenated names, I don't think I'd object. But, in WXW's case, I think the real reason is that she's now known by my name.

 

I'd wondered previously if her BF finds it a tad weird that she still has another man's last name... but then I started dating a woman who still has her husband's last name and I don't think it's weird. Haven't really given it a second thought.

 

On to the second part of your post: the thing I've realized, and that hopefully I'll take into this relationship, is that a relationship involves work. Not labour and drudgery, but effort -- not just taking it or your partner for granted. I got married when I was 24 with no life experience and little emotional maturity, and I don't think I'd learned that yet. I'd kind of figured that, since we were married, it would look after itself. I've never been so wrong before or since.

 

Ahh well... that was my "starter marriage". The next one, I'll get it right. :cool:

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GreenEyedLady

I personally took my maiden name back...I wouldn't have kept that name for any reason...taking my name back was like taking myself back...

 

Alot of women keep it so that they and the kids have the same last name...

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Both times I kept his name because of the kids. The second time I still had a different name from my first two kids, but it didn't make sense to go back to the first ex's name either. If the high school calls, they will invariably call me Mrs. First Ex's Last Name so I just say "yes, this is me" to avoid the whole explanation.

 

In all honesty, the second husband's last name was the easiest to spell and pronounce.

 

The only cost to change back my name would have been for a duplicate drivers license as far as I know.

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