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Why do men hide things?


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noturtypicalwife

I am curious as to why men hide things wether it be money or anything, in a marriage aren't you supposed to hide nothing? Is it out of fear, a need for secrecy, or is it because the wife would get mad or is it something you should not have and you know it? What is behind all the secrecy? Would you tell your wife what you think she already knows? or would you keep hiding "it" anyway? Just curious.

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GOOD Question!

 

Just like lastnight, my bf was venting, and he said "i feel like i don't own my life right now. I ccan't tell you what that means.. but just know that i love you!!!"

 

Like WTF? That statement is still bugging the crap out of me! It keeps running through my mind..

 

He always says that he never keeps anything

from me.... but none the less, that statement sounded soooo huge, yet he expects me to take it with a grain of salt and forget about it? This comming from the mouth of the man that wants to marry me..

 

I'm with you sister, I don't get why men are sooo secretive

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i'll tell you why.

 

women get mad at certain things and we wnat to avoid getting bitched at.

 

So we hide things. For example, my ex didn't smoke pot, but I did, so if she new i smoked that day, she gets all huffy and puffy and puts a whole somber attitude. Totaly ruins the day. We can't have a good time because now shes in a mood. So.......I hid it from her.

 

I does'nt have to be pot, it could be playing poker, having a drinking, buying somthing for himself( as long as it's not expensive).

 

The list goes on, thats why we hide things, it avoids small hissy fits.

 

But remember, Heavy drinking, HEAVY gambling or Heavy drug use should never be tolerated.

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laRubiaBonita

I does'nt have to be pot, it could be playing poker, having a drinking, buying somthing for himself( as long as it's not expensive).

 

But remember, Heavy drinking, HEAVY gambling or Heavy drug use should never be tolerated.

 

Hence our confusion on what the hell you just meant?!

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My BF hides Text Messages that he sends to a girl that he used to be madly in love with. If he phones her he doesn't tell me and if he ever saw her for a chat there is no way that I would know about it unless someone else tells me. Now THATS bugging !!!

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laRubiaBonita
My BF hides Text Messages that he sends to a girl that he used to be madly in love with. If he phones her he doesn't tell me and if he ever saw her for a chat there is no way that I would know about it unless someone else tells me. Now THATS bugging !!!

 

but who is standing for it and allowing him to do it?

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My Fair Katie

I hide things too.

 

Sometimes stuff magically appears in my closet. If asked I'll come clean, but I don't go out of my way to bring attention the fact that I bought another pair of shoes (before people go off on me it's with MY money and I don't buy shoes that are a bigillion dollar Jimmy Chos, my husband just happens to think I have way too many pairs).

 

Also, I hide the fact that I watch those stupid VH1 celebreality TV shows. I keep another channel like CNN on the channel recall and switch over if I hear him coming downstairs.

 

Things my husband hides, probably nudey pictures. Sometimes when he's working from home I'll catch him playing a video game before he hits the KVM switch.

 

We hide those little things about ourselves that we don't necessarily like or would just be a tad embarrassed to admit to.

 

Now if he were hiding bigger things from me, like banging the neighbor or something, THEN we'd have a problem.

 

I don't believe necessarily that married people must have FULL disclosure. We're a team, but we're still individuals.

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MFK is right. And just because you're married it doesn't mean you have to share every thought, every little thing you do during the day.

It's quite normal to hide little unimportant things but as long as it's not harmful to your spouse and marriage.

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Men hide things for the same reasons that women hide things--

 

They feel that you knowing could be damaging to them in some way (even if it just means that they would be annoyed by your response).

 

Or they feel that you knowing could be damaging to you in that it might hurt or scare you.

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My example of that is times in the summer. I know I smoke more outside as it's nice out there...I'll have a smoke, then afew mins later want another one. Why would I tell my husband, I'm heading outside for another smoke and wait for his answer? (Which would be "you just had a smoke why go out and have another one?") He doesn't smoke so I only smoke outside. DO I really wanna hear him bitch at me that I'm smoking too much and that I don't need that other cigerette? Ofcourse I don't, so I don't tell him I had two.

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noturtypicalwife

I have heard the whole "I own nothing in my life, actually his exact words were "nothing is mine, I want stuff of my own." I was seriously hurt to have him even suggest such a thing...afterall this computer is his, yes we(the kids and I) use it, but 90% of the time he is on it. The only item that I own is my underwear and bra, my kids or he own everything else, so how dare he say that!..

I hate the secrecy, we used to talk about everything, tell eachother everything, even the stupid things, even if it hurt the other we always agreed we would tell. I feel so stupid and niave to think it could stay that way.

The secrecy he has is more than just a tinsy little thing, he takes this computer in the bathroom for crying out loud! He once said to me that he doesn't tell me things because it turns into an argument and he just shuts himself off to it. OK REALLY now, what if I did that to him, what if all the times he makes me feel like I couldn't even spell my name right I just shut him out, and ignored him and his feelings?

When does a midlife crisis start for a man? Maybe thats an issue among others he seems to be having.

Whats with the bi-polorish mood swings?

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I hide how many cokes I drink during the day, and what I time I actually ventured into the office. H has a set schedule at work, so it's frustrating to him to hear that I got to sleep for an extra 2 hrs. I also don't really like to share the erotica that I read with my H, just like he clears the history after he looks at porn.

 

And I try to get him to keep secret the amount of money he's spending on individual items related to his hobby. I've already approved of the final amount, but when he tells me how much he spends on each item it freaks me out. :rolleyes: I keep telling him not to tell me these things, but he's a sharer. (Interpretation: He talks ALOT :D )

 

I don't know. A little secrecy is exciting as long as like MFK said, it isn't, I'm bangin' the neighbor.

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"but who is standing for it and allowing him to do it? "

And how exactly do you suggest that I stop him ??? I'm his Girlfriend, NOT his keeper.

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i'll tell you why.

 

women get mad at certain things and we wnat to avoid getting bitched at.

 

This is true, SOMETIMES, thats not always the case though. I have known menwho hide things from their wives, and they don't bitch or nag them about anything, its just the way some people are. Wheather they fear a woman will give them the third degree or not, some men hide things because they know theres certain things they shouldn't be doing, period. Most of the time, hiding things is learned in childhood. Don't want mom or dad to ground us for this and that, so we lie or hide things. Bascialy we have a choice to hide it or not.

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"but who is standing for it and allowing him to do it? "

 

And how exactly do you suggest that I stop him ??? I'm his Girlfriend, NOT his keeper.

 

 

You're allowing it by continuing to stand for it. NO, you are NOT the cause of it, but by you knowing what he is doing, and staying with him, you allow it. Does he know you know about the texts? Espiecally if he knows you know but you stay with him anyway, he is getting away with doing whatever he wants ,and maybe more. Have you talked with him about this?

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You're allowing it by continuing to stand for it. NO, you are NOT the cause of it, but by you knowing what he is doing, and staying with him, you allow it. Does he know you know about the texts? Espiecally if he knows you know but you stay with him anyway, he is getting away with doing whatever he wants ,and maybe more. Have you talked with him about this?

 

I agree with JacJack. Have you confronted him about this? You are letting him walk all over you. He will continue to text, and it very well may progress in to something more if you don't put a stop to it.

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MFK is right. And just because you're married it doesn't mean you have to share every thought, every little thing you do during the day.

It's quite normal to hide little unimportant things but as long as it's not harmful to your spouse and marriage.

 

Yep. I don't share every single thought and thing that I do all day. I don't come home and hand him a transcript of my day nor does he. If there is something that he should know then he does and the same goes with me. There's a lot stuff that he does at work that I don't want to know about. Sure I know what goes on but I don't need to be reminded of it.

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I am curious as to why men hide things wether it be money or anything, in a marriage aren't you supposed to hide nothing?

 

I don't know what kind of men you've been hanging around with but this man hides nothing from his wife except presents he's bought her until it's time to give them to her (have three in my sweater drawer right now).

 

One of the things I love about our marriage is that we are very open and honest with one another. I think that's a necessary ingredient to a successful relationship.

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I think some men (myself included) hide things that don't play into an idealized image that we wish our wives had of us. I want my wife to think that I am a good, strong, moral, dependable guy. When everyday events point to a chink in that armor, there is a natural male tendency to downplay them.

 

Mr. Lucky

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noturtypicalwife

Surely I need not know EVERYTHING, like his poop time, but I do think some things are best not unsaid, especially when it just comes down to the respect of it. I for one found two #s in his drawer, now don't get me wrong I did not intentionally snoop, but one of the #'s is NOT one I recognize and so why wouldn't he just say something to me BEFORE I had to find it, what is there to hide if nothing was going on? He and I used to share so much and now...well I am lucky to get a good mood kinda day. I just think if it is needed to be said...well say it. If your going to hide things intentionally or not, then marriage is not what you should be in.

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It depends on the what he is hiding. If it is to cover his tracks concerning an affair I agree with you, but if the man is hiding something like a behavior or item his wife disagrees with he is doing so to avoid an unpleasant confrontation. Women do this as well do don't make this a gender specific behavior becuase that is far from the truth. My Mom was always hiding junk food so that my father wouldn't know of her junk food habits. Fortunately I would find her stash and um help her dispose of the evidence. Now I find I do the very same damn thing even though my wife probably wouldn't care if I have a tasty cake or two. I still hide my treat stash. Thanks Mom!

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noturtypicalwife

yes I agree it is not gender related, I am such bitter right now, I am blown away and confused as to what to what I am supposed to think...or feel. I am not the secreative type, and honestly even if I wanted to, I couldn't lie to him. But regardless I know women are sneaky and hide things as well, it is purley individual based.

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Dr. Phil says that people who have nothing to hide hide nothing.

 

But there is an exception: people who have spouses who get angry over insignifcant or trivial things learn to hide those things.

 

When you gave a spouse like that you can 1) do the tungs you like andhave you spouse yell & bitch at you, 2) Stop doing those tings and feel resentment because you can't do things that interest you and don't hurt anything because your spouse "doesn't allow you to," or 3) Keep them hidden.

 

Sometimes 3 is what works best.

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