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"Men shouldn't talk about feelings and relationships"


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... is what my guy said to me last night. I still can't BELIEVE he actually thinks that. It's not really that much of a surprise, I've known for a while that he is totally shut down emotionally.... But I was hoping that at least through talking about the relationship in general we could improve things and I could get him to express his feelings indirectly.. that through talking and listening I would be able to get my emotional needs met... But he doesn't even understand that.. All he wants is for me to be happy, relaxed, and having fun with him. Simple as that, he says. So how do does a woman get her emotional needs met without being able to talk??????????? This is beyond me :eek:

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This is cop out BS. Of course they don't like to talk about stuff as much as we do. But geeze my H is like Mr. Relationship guy- he talks about his feelings and all kinds of things like that.

 

Tell him you don't give a crap what other men do- he is the one you're with, and it's something that you require to stay in a relationship. Then let him make the choice.

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I'm not sure I'm ready to pull an ultimatum... Plus, I already know what he's gonna reply: "Im an easy-going guy and I don't talk about this serious stuff so you should accept me as I am". It's like mere talking about relationship dynamics stresses him out. WTF!?!?!?

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Oh yeah also his mother passed away a year and a half ago so he really CANT deal with feelings.. (yet, I guess...) ... Umm but not all relationship talk is about feelings.. hell, most of it ISNT

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So how do does a woman get her emotional needs met without being able to talk???????????

 

You won't. Simple as that really. :(

 

You'll try to find the answers for yourself, through thought processes, deduction, assumption. And eventually you will drive yourself crazy trying to work out what's going on inside his head. :eek:

 

It's terribly hard to have an emotionally satisfying relationship with someone who can not express emotions inside a relationship. So you either continue as you are now, and it will end when you can not take any more, or you walk away? You don't think there is any chance of change?

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You don't think there is any chance of change?

 

Well.. yesterday we were sitting around talking and I think I was able to get a little out of him.. it was hard but it still got him talking, and although he got seriously tense it (somehow!) didn't end with a fight, so I guess maybe there's some hope.. But he always feels threatened by the types of talks similar to yesterday's one, so I can't talk with him like that very often... So I don't have a strategy about how to handle that..

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It's going to be hard. There'll be times you really need to talk, and you likely aren't going to get the answers you want, or the in-depth talk that you need.

 

Communication is the key to a successful relationship.

 

I wonder if there are ways to get him talking almost without realising he's doing it?! I'm not sure how though....

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So how do does a woman get her emotional needs met without being able to talk??????????? This is beyond me :eek:

 

Without communication, nothing will get accomplished. Its another one of those BS assumptions that some guys believe. Some guys assume that it is a sign of weakness if you open up to your partner and share your feelings with her.

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So how do does a woman get her emotional needs met without being able to talk??????????? This is beyond me :eek:

from her girlfriends & family, and also from "nice guys" if she knows any. the main problem here PRINCESSA is that if your dude starts talking about the relationship and emotions then you will label him as a weak man and leave him.

 

think carefully about why you're with him in the first place...

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the main problem here PRINCESSA is that if your dude starts talking about the relationship and emotions then you will label him as a weak man and leave him.

 

think carefully about why you're with him in the first place...

 

Yes, I am with him in the first place because I like manly men... And I don't expect him to become all sissyfied.... i just want some level of communication about his and my wants / needs with regards to being loved and being in a relationship.. instead he just keeps everything inside.... And whatever happens in our own intimacy will never make me label him as weak or whatever.. it should be a safe place to speak our minds without being judged or labeled.

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from her girlfriends & family, and also from "nice guys" if she knows any.

 

My guy said that if he ever gets married he'll hire a gay man to entertain his wife with emotional BS :(

 

If my emotional BS is about HIM and US, why can't I just talk to HIM about it??? I feel restrained in my ability to express myself!!!!!!!!!!! :mad:

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Without communication, nothing will get accomplished. Its another one of those BS assumptions that some guys believe. Some guys assume that it is a sign of weakness if you open up to your partner and share your feelings with her.

 

Soooooooooooooo.. any suggestions?

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If my emotional BS is about HIM and US, why can't I just talk to HIM about it??? I feel restrained in my ability to express myself!!!!!!!!!!! :mad:

I have already made my point here....if you want guy you can talk and express feelings with then dump this guy and go find a "nice guy" who is in tune with his feelings and emotions. But you won't do that, will you?!?

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Soooooooooooooo.. any suggestions?

 

Its tough because guys like that tend to be stubborn about this. If the guy really does care about you, he will open up to you, otherwise there is no way the relationship will last, unless you want to put up with a jerk.

 

Talk to him and tell him that you need him to open up to you, for the sake of you and the relationship.

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I have already made my point here....if you want guy you can talk and express feelings with then dump this guy and go find a "nice guy" who is in tune with his feelings and emotions. But you won't do that, will you?!?

 

"nice guys" are not the only ones who can express their emotions and feelings. In fact, the only ones who can not are jerks.

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Not ALL women label men as weak just because they are able to open up and comminucate their feelings in an emotional way to their spouse/SO. As a matter of fact, in my case, because I do talk and share my feelings with my woman, she finds that a big turn on for her. Which is also good for me too. ;):lmao: Some men probably have no clue what they might be actually missing out on if they would open up and share more.

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PRINCESSA. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Men are odd creatures. I love them, but they are definitely an odd species, totally different from us gals. They seem to find it impossible to open up to their SO's through speech and their actions more than frequently are a better indication as to how they feel about us than any of the reluctant emotional stuff that may occasionally creep out of their mouths. My BF is a classic example of this. When I first met him (just over a year ago) he spoke to me freely about his previous relationships, his ex-wife and the hurt that she caused him when she left him, he would talk about me and our relationship. In fact, he was (I thought) the most open guy I had ever met in respect to showing his feelings. Thing is, is that he was actually using this as a seduction ploy. He thought that if he pulled on my heart strings by showing that he was in touch with his emotional side, I would fall for his boyish charm. It worked. I fell for him hook line and sinker and am still falling for him everyday now, but once he realised that he had me and didn't have to do any more work to get me, he totally stopped opening up to me. He told me he loved me more in the first month of our relationship (when it really doesn't mean that much) than he ever does now. In fact, when I think about it I cant remember the last time he actually spoke the words "I Love you" to me. He sends me text messages to tell me sometimes, but never says it to my face .... BUT - he does do alot of stuff FOR me that shows me that he loves me. He paid for me to take my driving lessons and my test and then sorted me out with a car, tax and insurance when I passed. I didn't have to lift a finger for any of it. He takes me out for meals every now and then and he MAKES time for me even though he is always very busy with his own business. The other day I came home to 15 red roses over our bed, he didn't SAY anything, just put them there and waited for me to see them. Even when I had seen them, he didn't say anything about it. There's a whole list of things that I could tell you that he does, from big things down to tiny eeeny weeny things that show me everyday that he cares for me and loves me. I no that there is no point sitting down with him and trying to have an in depth conversation about love because he wouldn't respond in the way that I would want out of a conversation. I save all those kind of conversations for my mum and my sister and even some of my male friends. I know that BF is CAPABLE of showing his feelings cause he did it at the beginning of our R, but I'm comfortable with the fact that I know he loves me and would bend over backwards for me if need be, and at the end of the day, he will ALWAYS be there for me if and when I ever need him.

 

What I'm trying to say Princessa and do excuse my long reply, but doesn't your guy DO things for you that stop you in your tracks sometimes, I'm sure that his actions may occasionally account for his lack of verbal communication and I am putting money on it that he would be devastated if you left him, even though he may not show this to you. If you are REALLY bothered about him not talking about how he feels then just gently TEACH him how to open up. You sound like an intelligent woman so I am sure you can find a way to break the barriers bit by bit. Otherwise, just take a bit more note of the things that he does and maybe you'll realise that he doesn't need to say a word about how he feels for you to know. Good Luck. Sorry this is so long !! :rolleyes:

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Not ALL women label men as weak just because they are able to open up and comminucate their feelings in an emotional way to their spouse/SO. As a matter of fact, in my case, because I do talk and share my feelings with my woman, she finds that a big turn on for her. Which is also good for me too. ;):lmao: Some men probably have no clue what they might be actually missing out on if they would open up and share more.

 

Ugh, WHY doesnt my guy have any buddies like YOU to teach him that?! :mad:

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"nice guys" are not the only ones who can express their emotions and feelings. In fact, the only ones who can not are jerks.

I'm not saying that men should NEVER talks about their feeling and emotions....I'm saying that they should minimize it and only do it when its necessary. Part of being a man is being stoic most of the time.

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I have already made my point here....if you want guy you can talk and express feelings with then dump this guy and go find a "nice guy" who is in tune with his feelings and emotions. But you won't do that, will you?!?

 

No offense but I sense some personal issues that you're trying to take out here.. And I'll make my point again, I don't want to be with a gay guy who constantly talks about his feelings, I simply want a little more openness from my guy.

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I'm not saying that men should NEVER talks about their feeling and emotions....I'm saying that they should minimize it and only do it when its necessary. Part of being a man is being stoic most of the time.

 

ARE YOU SERIOUS.?! So tell me how is that working out for you in your relationships? Is your woman happy with that?

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I'm not saying that men should NEVER talks about their feeling and emotions....I'm saying that they should minimize it and only do it when its necessary. Part of being a man is being stoic most of the time.

 

You did say for her to go talk to friends and family and "nice guys". You never mentioned anything about her man opening up to her, but that is besides the point.

 

It should only be when it is necessary, isn't that what we do?

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No offense but I sense some personal issues that you're trying to take out here.. And I'll make my point again, I don't want to be with a gay guy who constantly talks about his feelings, I simply want a little more openness from my guy.

 

Like I said, you need to let him know that it would mean alot to you if he would attempt to open up more to you, otherwise I see nothing but more problems in the future.

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ARE YOU SERIOUS.?! So tell me how is that working out for you in your relationships? Is your woman happy with that?

its worked great....I've dated a number of women. Women think of me as masculine and I usually end up dumping them 80% of the time. I tell them up front I will be their lover and not their friend and if they want emotional support to get it elsewhere. They eat it up like chocolate cake!

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Its tough because guys like that tend to be stubborn about this. If the guy really does care about you, he will open up to you, otherwise there is no way the relationship will last, unless you want to put up with a jerk.

 

Talk to him and tell him that you need him to open up to you, for the sake of you and the relationship.

 

I try but it's not easy. Like I said in a previous post, he does open up sometimes, when the mood is right, so I guess there's a tiny little glimpse of hope.. But my problem is that he's WIRED to think that men shouldn't talk about feelings, and I think he's totally wrong on that one.. and things would be so much easier if he could understand this.. and since he doesn't it kind of forces me to try in many ways to get him to open up indirectly.. which is damn inefficient!!!

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