Axel Posted October 23, 2005 Share Posted October 23, 2005 Hello there, It isn't easy for me to share this with anyone really but I need help because I am afraid and hurt and just need someone's opinion on this other than my friends or family. I met this girl in San Francisco, while being a German exchange student 2002/2003, and we completely fell in love. Even though I was only 18 and she was 16 we felt that we were made for each other and we decided to live in a long distance relationship until we could live together which we thought would be three years later. Inspite of our age we have been keeping it up for almost two and a half years. We saw each other 2-3 times a year, spending all the money we had on plane tickets. We never doubted that we could make it, we were even talking about engagement and both felt surprisingly comfortable with all the comittment to each other. We never cheated on each other during this time, not even a kiss, knowing that we are both very sensitive human beings who couldn't deal with the emotional pressure of an "open relationship" and never had the desire anyway. Whenever we saw each other it was like heaven. I am making plans to move to California next summer to attend the same college she is attending and I am already in the process of applying. We are also looking for plane tickets to see each other over Christmas again. I think she always suffered a little more from being apart, really craving the physical closeness. Today, she all of the sudden suggested to "take a break" from our relationship for 1-2 months. She wants to not talk to me on the phone as often anymore, have more freedom, enough space to think about us and she wants to feel free to kiss another guy if she wants to. She assured me that she loved me and that she still wanted to come over here over Christmas. For me though, this feels terrible and devastating. I love to talk to her on the phone, it gives me energy and helps me deal with the situation. I also had to summon up a lot of courage to decide to study in the USA and did a lot of work for it already and now, everything is put into jeopardy all of the sudden. The thing that bothers me the most though is the idea of her making out with someone else. I am probably as jealous as any other guy would be but I am also extremely sensitive and would just feel terribly hurt even if she told me in advance that it might happen. It is as if our perfect relationship got damaged. I never doubted this relationship but obviously she isn't so sure about it or needs to get more confident in it again. I feel miserable because it seems as if I love her more than she loves me. I tried to convince here that it would suck for me to always wonder wether she had been making out with someone else or not but she didn't want to make any promises. To me, a kiss is something very intimate, almost as much as sex so that it feels like cheating to me. I'm twenty years and for three years now I never had the need to "try someone else". What if she tells me after the 1-2 months that it was over? Or if she doesn't how am I gonna get over my feelings when she admits that she kissed someone else - it might affect the two weeks together over Christmas in a negative way and then in the next 6 months until the summer we will both remember a crappy Christmas. I am so in love with her, she can hurt me so easily and so deeply... Please help me, Axel Link to post Share on other sites
Princess1975 Posted October 24, 2005 Share Posted October 24, 2005 Axel - hello!! This same happened to me. I suggested a break after a year LDR, and he gave me my space and after 10 days we were back together. Of course, it wasn't enough and 3 months later we broke-up... We've been like this for a month and yes, we are already talking and mentioning getting back together, but now that I see things clearer, I can say we both really needed this time on our own, to think, analyze and really miss each other! I guess for girls a LDR is harder that for you guys, we need the physical closeness and you guys can live without it for a longer period of time. My advcie will be to give her the time she's asking for.. Be there, but don't push her... I hope you guys solve your issues soon!! =) Link to post Share on other sites
downcydeguy Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 This is pretty tough man. Since she actually mentioned the words "not feeling guilty to kiss another guy", I'm gonna say that you guys are in trouble. Curiosity killed the cat and she's beyond curious now. You can bet that her friends are putting a lot of pressure on her too. And I don't mean that they are necessarily telling her to mess around with other guys, but they are dating different guys and having intimacy - which makes your g/f uneasy to a degree. If you were there, I'm sure things would go more smoothly. However, you're not - so there's trouble in your future with this girl. I feel really bad to sound like a downer about this but I would suggest letting her go. If you still decide to move to the U.S. in the summer, fine. Maybe you'll run into her at that point and things will re-develop. But for now, tell her that you love her with all your heart and just want her to be happy, so she can have her freedom. Time will answer all your questions my friend. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Milo Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 I met a very cool girl once who was an exchange student. We never got involved romantically and instead became very close friends. We have been friends now for over ten years and have both gone through numerous relationships and trials in our lives. And you know what? That kind of relationship is sustainable over very long distances and after long hiatuses where neither of us talk. But an intimate, sexual relationship working out from a long distance? All I can say is that you either live in the same city at some point or you break it off. Being alone all of the time pining for someone else is a slow death. And it leads to a lot of emptiness which can leave you exhausted and even resentful. Take her lead and put your romance to rest and seek out a nice girl in your town. Tell her you will stay in touch and that will leave the door open to something in the future perhaps. Link to post Share on other sites
Milo Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 I guess for girls a LDR is harder that for you guys, we need the physical closeness and you guys can live without it for a longer period of time. No, I miss that the most. But I also just miss seeing her walk through the door. Link to post Share on other sites
StacyRose Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 Hi Axel, Just be happy you're seeing each other in Christmas. Me and my 4 year LDR guy are on a break .. and there are NO definite plans on spending Christmas together. So, it could be worse off ... I don't really have any advice though.. as I'm in the same boat as you are. Don't you feel like hijacking the next plane and going to their doorstep? It's so hard to not have any control over the situation.. you have NO CHOICE but to just let things be and see what happens. Sucks I know.. Link to post Share on other sites
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