Ella1234 Posted June 6, 2019 Share Posted June 6, 2019 My boyfriend and I have been in a long term relationship for 3 years, we live about a 5 hour drive apart. We have a great relationship and we want to be together. I am at university in my home town and he has a good, well-paid job where he lives. I am a little older than him and I am really struggling watching everyone around me settle down, get married, have kids, etc etc. It in fact is making me miserable and maybe even depressed. We want to live together but logistically it isn't possible until I finish uni in 2 years time... I also have family members that aren't well, which would lay heavily on my conscience if I were to move away. I really am stuck with what to do, I hate living at home (which I am now) but I cannot afford to move out whilst I am studying. At the age of 28 I am really feeling low as I feel my life is not progressing and I am still living at home with no real life of my own. I really need some advice to help me through this as I feel very isolated and confused about what to do. Please help! Link to post Share on other sites
heartwhole2 Posted June 6, 2019 Share Posted June 6, 2019 Hi Ella, Is he willing to move where you are in school? Or is the plan for you to move where he is in two years' time? Can you accelerate your course of study to finish sooner? Can you transfer to a school near him? I have health problems myself, but I would never expect a family member to change their lives to take care of me. If they were my primary caregiver, I would move where they needed to go. Would these family members make you feel guilty because they have their own issues? Or would you simply feel bad leaving them when they might actually be happy for you? In any event, you say you have "no real life of your own." You are hoping that being with your boyfriend will solve this for you. Here's the thing. You can have a life of your own in a long distance relationship. You can have a life of your own living at home with your parents. Often we overlook the people in our lives who would be happy to get to know us better. Is there a friend from school you could ask to meet up for a coffee? Is there an art showing you could go to? Don't wait for your circumstances to change before you start living your life. Bloom where you are planted. And if you want to move where you boyfriend is now, then do it. You are in charge of your own destiny. You mentioned feeling depressed. That is very hard, and I'm sorry to hear that. Time to follow up with your doctor or therapist about those feelings. Take care of yourself . . . you're worth it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 6, 2019 Share Posted June 6, 2019 How many times a month do you actually see him? This sounds more long distance than long term unless you manage to get together frequently and are exclusive, which is rare when a man is off in a town alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted June 9, 2019 Share Posted June 9, 2019 I think you are overstating the problem, I find a few posters here remind me of my cousin and this is another one, your only 28, look your not even 30 yet, I dont think you need to be stressing as much, Id advise you concentrate on getting your qualification for the next two years, keep the relationship going as it is and then two years down the line you may all be better placed to decide on what path to take. heartwhole gives you good advice there too, keep that in mind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 9, 2019 Share Posted June 9, 2019 Stop. In a few years you will have your degree. That is priority # 1. If you & he really are meant to be forever, it's OK if "forever" starts after you graduate. Your distance has an end point. Start there. Moving 5 hours away isn't THAT far unless you are the primary caregiver to the sick family members. If you are not, live where your 1st job takes you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 10, 2019 Share Posted June 10, 2019 At the age of 28 you do not need to get married but you REALLY need to graduate. Stay where you are and finish your degree. If it was meant to be, you'd survive the 2 years apart. If you don't, it wasn't meant to be. I understand what a strain a LDR is (we did it for 2 years) - emotionally, financially, and physically. But you can't just ditch your degree to move in with a man. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BarneyStinson Posted June 10, 2019 Share Posted June 10, 2019 My boyfriend and I have been in a long term relationship for 3 years, we live about a 5 hour drive apart. We have a great relationship and we want to be together. I am at university in my home town and he has a good, well-paid job where he lives. I am a little older than him and I am really struggling watching everyone around me settle down, get married, have kids, etc etc. It in fact is making me miserable and maybe even depressed. We want to live together but logistically it isn't possible until I finish uni in 2 years time... I also have family members that aren't well, which would lay heavily on my conscience if I were to move away. I really am stuck with what to do, I hate living at home (which I am now) but I cannot afford to move out whilst I am studying. At the age of 28 I am really feeling low as I feel my life is not progressing and I am still living at home with no real life of my own. I really need some advice to help me through this as I feel very isolated and confused about what to do. Please help! I feel very similar to you in that no matter where you turn, Facebook, walking down the street, kids everywhere, some parents same age as me and married or just co-inhabiting or some much younger parents too. And here’s me, no relationship, no kids, living with no one (I understand the relationship part isn’t the same) .... you just feel very miserable, like there is something wrong. I honestly can’t comment about relationships. My last girlfriend tried to kill herself because her parents died, I tried to stop her so over time she directed all her anger towards me, tired to kill me several times, drank used drugs, cheated and then the drink and drugs increased the violence from her. It took me a long time but I can trust people now... I used to have people like me and then when I felt them getting close to me emotionally, I broke all contact. Scars... but now it’s fine. I live at home too, work and study. I’m a medical professional. I lost my apartment when I came home sick from a holiday, 8 month infection, got sepsis, within a few hours from death, had major 4 hour surgery drilling infected bone. It was a feeling of complete isolation and everything I’d done in the past was worthless. I would say your relationship seems to be going fine, you have something to look forward to in the future, in terms of living together and maybe even a family. Yeah life I guess could be better but the life path you have in front of you seems good and in terms of your parents, I assume everyone has these thoughts. My advise: talk to your boyfriend for reassurance and basically try to see each other more. Also, talk with your parents about moving away and how you feel, I assume they would want you to live your life to the full and not worry about them. I would suggest doing the above would be a good way to help you progress through your feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Raymeow Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 I was in the same situation as you. For the love of God, finish your degree. You will have so much freedom, when it's finally done. Link to post Share on other sites
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