chatting with a girl online

[fred123]

reading threads on here especially the one about how the girl wants to meet first got me thi king about my situation/s.

 

i have literally some straight up questions which still baffle me and how people on loveshack would intepret certain actions.

 

regarding the thread about meeting up for the first time.

 

1. how would you deal with the situation where the girl you are chatting to on facebook or instagram has booked tickets to come to YOUR country to see you but she is coming with a friend. do you still see her or not? is that what an intereated girl would do?

 

2. would you still meet a girl who is coming to your country who still has not skyped you or made an actual phone date. why would a girl fly to your country to see you yet hasnt made the time to skype or phone date you. isnt that strange and wouldnt her friends think it strange too??

 

3. would you meet a girl who ia flying down to see you but a couple of weeks leading upto it her contact slows down a lot and you barely hear from her for days? and you are trying to plan the weekend with her but you still havnt discussed plans etc and where i will stay as she is sharing a hotel room with her friend.

 

4. how would you deal with this situation : the girl you are talking to online you ask to meet somewhere halfway. you make a plan to visit her in her country and you find dates to go there. she replies saying those dates are perfect for her too. so you then explain that you will book the flights to her city next week when you get paid.

two days later she messages me and says " i have some good news for you, i spoke with my friend and we are coming to your city next month"

i was suprised as that was not the plan. why would a girl change the plans we had and now want to come to see me rather than me go to see her. is that what a girl does when they are not interested?

[ExpatInItaly]

Fred, is this the same woman you spoke about in your other recent thread? The one who refuses to talk to you on webcam?

 

If so, I think you need to realize there likely is no trip planned and she's still pulling the wool over your eyes.

 

I can see a woman bringing a friend to travel abroad to meet a man she's never met. It's a safety issue. However, if this is indeed the same person you posted another thread about, I have serious doubts this person is who she says she is at all.

 

Do not make plans to meet with or fly to someone who refuses to speak to you live on Skype/FaceTime/other webcam service.

[d0nnivain]

If she is going to be in your area, go meet her. What's the problem?

 

She is not coming here solely to see you. She's traveling with a friend. Many people do. Especially internationally having a friend in the same country when you go meet some stranger off the internet sounds safer to me. Look at it this way, although you have to wait a bit longer to see her, it's going to cost you less in time & travel overall.

 

I know the friend thing is throwing you but meet the girl (if the friend comes, make it one drink or dutch treat for an hour or so). Then plan another 1 on 1 date while she's in your city. Normally I'm not crazy about adding friends in the mix but when international travel is involved for safety I'm less rigid. Worst case scenario you bring along a buddy who can talk to the friend. Not date just entertain briefly.

 

I absolutely would never pay for somebody else's travel arrangements at a first meet nor would I allow a stranger to pay for me.

 

If the lack of a Skype / facetime thing before the in person meet bothers you speak up. Say I'd be more comfortable if we could Skpye before we met.

[Foxhall]

Yes you don't seem to have much to lose anyway by meeting her, I see no reason not to meet her based on the questions you have asked there,

 

 

meet her in person and you can better decide then,

 

 

I think it is perfectly reasonable that she would travel with a friend to a different country,

 

 

this will also give her a get out clause easier if she does not like you, it may be a bit more awkward you going to her country, in that sense you may be harder to shake off, or she may feel guiltier about giving you the cold shoulder then,

 

 

that there has been no Skype or phone call does seem odd alright, but play it by ear,

 

 

If you get any money requests now in the meantime, that would raise alarm bells however!

[fred123]

If she is going to be in your area, go meet her. What's the problem?

 

She is not coming here solely to see you. She's traveling with a friend. Many people do. Especially internationally having a friend in the same country when you go meet some stranger off the internet sounds safer to me. Look at it this way, although you have to wait a bit longer to see her, it's going to cost you less in time & travel overall.

 

I know the friend thing is throwing you but meet the girl (if the friend comes, make it one drink or dutch treat for an hour or so). Then plan another 1 on 1 date while she's in your city. Normally I'm not crazy about adding friends in the mix but when international travel is involved for safety I'm less rigid. Worst case scenario you bring along a buddy who can talk to the friend. Not date just entertain briefly.

 

I absolutely would never pay for somebody else's travel arrangements at a first meet nor would I allow a stranger to pay for me.

 

If the lack of a Skype / facetime thing before the in person meet bothers you speak up. Say I'd be more comfortable if we could Skpye before we met.

 

thanx for your response. surely its a sign of low interest or her interest has gone down when a girl messages u every day saying how she wishes i would visit her and when i make plans to go visit her she agrees. then 2 days later wants to fly to see me. only reason a girl would change her mind would be low interest??

 

also what happens when she goes from messaging me every day to cold and barely hearing from her? like before 50 messages a day to 5 messages a week?

 

why would i want a pen pal? why would i meet a girl who has gone from hot to cold?

[d0nnivain]

Maybe so go to this meeting with a skeptical eye.

 

You have nothing to lose by meeting up with her for 1 drink. If she's bringing her friend, you bring a buddy. Tell your buddy what's going on & you buy his drink as a thank you for tagging along. His presence is your built in excuse not to over stay your meet with the girl.

 

50 messages a day seems insane to me. Who has that kind of time?

[BaileyB]

surely its a sign of low interest or her interest has gone down when a girl messages u every day saying how she wishes i would visit her and when i make plans to go visit her she agrees. then 2 days later wants to fly to see me. only reason a girl would change her mind would be low interest??

 

No way, would I travel by myself to meet a man. It’s a huge risk, a definite safety risk. I wouldn’t much rather travel with a friend, and possibly meet this man in a safe location.

 

The fact that she has decided to travel with a friend to see you is not necessarily a sign of low interest, rather a sign that she has changed her mind. People do that all the time...

 

 

also what happens when she goes from messaging me every day to cold and barely hearing from her? like before 50 messages a day to 5 messages a week?

 

Now this, is a sign that she is losing interest...

 

Fred, if you want a relationship you would be wise to avoid anything long distance. It’s not what you really want and it causes you anxiety. It’s really, really difficult to establish a relationship when you don’t see each other in real life. It’s like... chasing rainbows.

[TheFinalWord]

Something is off with this whole situation.

 

First, you should not message 50x a day with a girl you havne't video chatted with yet. Not video chatting is the number 1 red flag that you are being catfished. Why? You can't alter a video in real time.

 

You made definite plans and she altered those by saying she was coming to your town next month. So that delays your plans for the two of you to meet. That's more time she can string you along.

 

You are likely being scammed or catfished. Watch...she'll cancel last minute with some lame excuse.

 

This is not the behavior of someone genuinely interested in getting to know you and meeting with you.

[chillii]

Yeah , gotta admit , while there could be some logical reasons in her weirdness , if not for the fact that she was a friend of a friend , it'd sound like some scamming thing for sure to me too .

Edited April 27, 2019 by chillii

[fred123]

If she is going to be in your area, go meet her. What's the problem?

 

She is not coming here solely to see you. She's traveling with a friend. Many people do. Especially internationally having a friend in the same country when you go meet some stranger off the internet sounds safer to me. Look at it this way, although you have to wait a bit longer to see her, it's going to cost you less in time & travel overall.

 

I know the friend thing is throwing you but meet the girl (if the friend comes, make it one drink or dutch treat for an hour or so). Then plan another 1 on 1 date while she's in your city. Normally I'm not crazy about adding friends in the mix but when international travel is involved for safety I'm less rigid. Worst case scenario you bring along a buddy who can talk to the friend. Not date just entertain briefly.

 

I absolutely would never pay for somebody else's travel arrangements at a first meet nor would I allow a stranger to pay for me.

 

If the lack of a Skype / facetime thing before the in person meet bothers you speak up. Say I'd be more comfortable if we could Skpye before we met.

 

surely if you like a guy enough to fly to their country you would want to skype him several times beforehand if you like him?

well actually she says shes coming to see me and that if she didnt like me she would not fly to see me.

i questioned her on why she was flying with her friend and not by herself. she replied " please dont think i dont like you. i am coming with a friend b3cause i told her about seeing you and she wanted to come"

 

i said that the first time we meet it should be by ourselves and she agreed.

people on here are saying its normal for her to come with a friend but my question is then why disnt she just let me do the legwork and and let me fly there like i originally planned? also she is flying to a city i am not currently living in so i have to get a train or drive to this city for the weekend.

 

i dont think she wants to date me or sleep with me ( she said lets keep it spontaneous if she stays with me or i with her). she never even aaked about booking a hotel together. and if things do go well i cant go bak to her hotel as she is staying with her friend.

i have read so many articles and stories of people meeting long distance first time abroad and they chat all the time and skype and phone call etc. and if they visit each other they stay together and not invite friends. they even pick up from airport.

the girl im talking to i offered to pick them both up from the airport and she just ignored that part of the message.

how do i plan the weekend with her. i mean shouldnt we plan ?

 

i should have been adamant to not meet like this.

[d0nnivain]

It's a go with the flow type of thing. Me personally I could never tell what I wanted from somebody I met on line. I had to meet him in person to even come to a conclusion. So at this point I have no idea if she wants to date you or sleep with you. I would assume that she can't make that decision from OL only.

 

Frankly I don't know how to Skype so I don't know that I'd be chomping at the bit if somebody wanted that. I can use the video feature of FB but I would never accept a friend request from an internet stranger so I'm not sure how that would work.

 

What have you got to lose by meeting this girl with or without her friend for 1 drink? The effort required on your part is so minimal, you might as well go. Look at it this way, you might meet the girl of your dreams on the way to or from this "date".

 

Part of your problem is you get too invested too soon without proper foundation for doing so.

[BaileyB]

how do i plan the weekend with her. i mean shouldnt we plan ?

 

You don’t.

 

She is a stranger to you Fred. This is not a date. This is not a weekend to get to know you or spend time with you - she is travelling with a friend.

 

It’s extremely presumptuous to even consider booking a hotel room with a stranger. Not to mention unsafe. The fact that she refuses to skype or video chat with you is a GIGANTIC RED FLAG that she is in fact, a scammer.

 

I would cancel whatever plans you’ve made to meet her, if I was you. NOTHING she is doing, aside from her words, tells you that she is interested in building an honest to goodness relationship with you. And words - mean nothing.

[fred123]

No way, would I travel by myself to meet a man. It’s a huge risk, a definite safety risk. I wouldn’t much rather travel with a friend, and possibly meet this man in a safe location.

 

The fact that she has decided to travel with a friend to see you is not necessarily a sign of low interest, rather a sign that she has changed her mind. People do that all the time...

 

 

 

 

Now this, is a sign that she is losing interest...

 

Fred, if you want a relationship you would be wise to avoid anything long distance. It’s not what you really want and it causes you anxiety. It’s really, really difficult to establish a relationship when you don’t see each other in real life. It’s like... chasing rainbows.

 

why did she change her mind to fly to my country? strange hmm. costs her money also rather than me flying to her. doesnt make sense.

[fred123]

You don’t.

 

She is a stranger to you Fred. This is not a date. This is not a weekend to get to know you or spend time with you - she is travelling with a friend.

 

It’s extremely presumptuous to even consider booking a hotel room with a stranger. Not to mention unsafe. The fact that she refuses to skype or video chat with you is a GIGANTIC RED FLAG that she is in fact, a scammer.

 

I would cancel whatever plans you’ve made to meet her, if I was you. NOTHING she is doing, aside from her words, tells you that she is interested in building an honest to goodness relationship with you. And words - mean nothing.

 

well it is a date she said. she said " dont worry about my friend we will have time just the two of us to go dinner etc".

well she says she is travelling to spend time with me and if the weekend goes well i can visit her next time or next time she flys on her own.

we even talked about me wanting to kiss her and she says " you will have to wait and see if you want to in a fewweeks when i see u"

[chillii]

Well , just going on what you've said there , she sounds like a smart lady , and quite nice.

She might've just got thinking and felt it's a bit risky you coming to see her first and being on her turf so she changed her mind and decided to come to you where she has a bit more control, like she can bolt if you turn out to be an axe murderer or such.

Taking a friend is probably again , just more her security blanket, it's understandable .

l'd just keep things going and when she comes, just see how it goes from there.

Mean time if she cancels or some funny excuse pops up again and it doesn't go ahead then you probably got your answer.

Good luck with things anyway.

Edited May 4, 2019 by chillii

[fred123]

Well , just going on what you've said there , she sounds like a smart lady , and quite nice.

She might've just got thinking and felt it's a bit risky you coming to see her first and being on her turf so she changed her mind and decided to come to you where she has a bit more control, like she can bolt if you turn out to be an axe murderer or such.

Taking a friend is probably again , just more her security blanket, it's understandable .

l'd just keep things going and when she comes, just see how it goes from there.

Mean time if she cancels or some funny excuse pops up again and it doesn't go ahead then you probably got your answer.

Good luck with things anyway.

 

this is quite clearly different behaviour to what i was expecting from what she said. this is not how a girl would behave if she really likes me right? i mean why change her mind about me coming there when she was the one saying she hopes i come there and i was not saying it. she was the one saying that i made her happy.

and she even justifying bringing her friend by saying " i dont know why im coming with my friend but i really you and wouldnt come all the way to another country for a guy unless i really liked them. we will have time the two of us dont worry. my friend can do other things by herself"

[d0nnivain]

It's a safety issue. Foreign travel alone as a woman is scary.

[justanickname]

As d0nnivain and some others mentioned, it could be about safety.

About the change of the plan that you visit her not the other way, I think it is the matter of travel interest as well. You may never know if she shared with her friends about knowing you - living in another country, while her friend also had plan or desire to visit your country as a tourist, so she decided to join her, then informed you.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

So 1st off, I don't recommend a long distance w/someone you met online. Waste of time in my opinion.

 

Aside from this, she is acting super strange, you don't even know if you are talking to a woman! When I met a guy online, I was on his social media and we had a few skype calls before I went for a visit. I'd NEXT this one.

[chillii]

You've skyped with her now haven't you , you know she's real right ?

[Michelle ma Belle]

I'm with the camp that says this all sounds super fishy.

 

Meeting someone online, chatting for a while, then meeting up even if they bring a friend is NOT the problem.

 

Refusing to video/Skype and flipping the switch last minute seems sketchy to me.

 

Hopefully I'm wrong but you should prepare yourself that this girl isn't who she claims to be or she doesn't show at all.

 

Good luck.

[fred123]

update : the last week we have been texting still. iv been asking questions trying to get to know about her. past relationships etc. shes been saying how i make her happy etc. her aunt was in a carcrash and i said id like to send flowers and she said i was cute and that i make her happy.

 

but still no skype or phone call. i even said 10mins before u go sleep il call u in bed but she always has excuses. shes booked her flights to london she told me and says shes so excited to see me and promises she will like me. but why she not excited to speak on skype or phone call? i am excited to do so.

i told her i have booked dinner in this nice amazing romantoc place and she said she is a romantic girl and that she hopes i romance her

[d0nnivain]

Oh fred123. Sometimes you are too nice for your own good. It's so very sweet & nice that you want to send flowers to this woman's aunt who got in a car accident. However, it would be totally inappropriate for you to do so. You have never met the aunt & you barely know this girl. Save your money.

 

When you do things like this -- when you are too nice & not cognizant of appropriate social norms -- you scare women away. You come across as a doormat. later on in an established relationship your generosity will be an asset; now at this early stage it's a liability. Dial it back.

 

If you need a skype / video chat to feel more secure in this interaction, do not give this woman anything else especially money until she does this relatively small thing for you.

[The Outlaw]

Hate to say this, but it almost sounds like she's stringing you along. She's committed to absolutely everything, but won't skype with you, nor hold a conversation over the phone. The constant excuse she has each and every time you ask her would have been enough of a turn off for me.

[fred123]

confusing mixed signals. she keeps telling me how much she likes me and wants to make it work. i asked her when is the right time to ask you to be my girlfriend. she replied when its the right moment with a cheeky wink at the end. she keeps saying how much she wants me to visit her inher new flat and that she hopes i keep my promise that she will. bUt when i tell her found tickets to come to her city to see her every time she says its better to wait first how the trip to london goes. its like shes now second guessing herself.

 

 

if she likes me as much as she says she does and wants me to visit her then why doesnt she let me book flights and plan?