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She says only when we meet she'll decide our relationship


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 16th April 2019, 5:08 AM   #1
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She says only when we meet she'll decide our relationship

My story in short: Been talking to a girl on WhatsApp I met online 4 months back. Gradually we grew feelings for each other. I confessed my interest in her to which she replied she too is interested in me. Now we talk more often than before. We want to be together as a couple. But the problem is, she says she wants to meet me first and decide. She says she wants to see if there's physical attraction there between us other than soul and mind which we already have. She says her next relationship would be the last and wants to be sure. Also, she had bad relationships, and a similar connection with someone where she didn't find any physical attraction. My question is: should I take this chance of traveling there in her country to see if we work out in reality? Is it a normal behavior for a girl to when she wants to see a future with someone? (Women's opinion would be a great help). Thanks!
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Old 16th April 2019, 5:30 AM   #2
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Woman here who has experience with LDRs.

I'm honestly glad she sees it that way. Before you meet in person, everything's still a bit of an illusion. You create an idea of someone for yourself and fall for it, things might be very different in person. Always meet in person before becoming fully committed.

How far are you apart?
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Old 16th April 2019, 5:43 AM   #3
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Woman here who has experience with LDRs.

I'm honestly glad she sees it that way. Before you meet in person, everything's still a bit of an illusion. You create an idea of someone for yourself and fall for it, things might be very different in person. Always meet in person before becoming fully committed.

How far are you apart?

Oceans apart. I am from Asia and she's from France but studying and working in Finland. We want to meet in France, though. Thanks for your advice.
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Old 16th April 2019, 7:39 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by Fallenfromthesky View Post
My story in short: Been talking to a girl on WhatsApp I met online 4 months back. Gradually we grew feelings for each other. I confessed my interest in her to which she replied she too is interested in me. Now we talk more often than before. We want to be together as a couple. But the problem is, she says she wants to meet me first and decide. She says she wants to see if there's physical attraction there between us other than soul and mind which we already have. She says her next relationship would be the last and wants to be sure. Also, she had bad relationships, and a similar connection with someone where she didn't find any physical attraction. My question is: should I take this chance of traveling there in her country to see if we work out in reality? Is it a normal behavior for a girl to when she wants to see a future with someone? (Women's opinion would be a great help). Thanks!
You have never met and want to be together as a couple, what could possibly go wrong?
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Old 16th April 2019, 7:55 AM   #5
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Female poster here. She sounds like a sensible woman.
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Old 16th April 2019, 8:23 AM   #6
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Yes, itís normal to want to meet someone in person before committing to a relationship.

I would be worried if she wanted to be your girlfriend without having met you first. She is using good common sense here.
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Old 16th April 2019, 8:40 AM   #7
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And don't forget , you need to know if you have any attraction and feel for her too in person.
You may well take one look and wanna jump back on the plane. Or it may just feel all wrong for you, who knows.
So yeah l agree too and it;s a wise protecting heart and expectations in this until you are actually in person , side by side.
How's skyping and photos been going , crazy about each other so far ?

We were 12hours apart , so it took us 2mths to manage finally meeting.
And things had just been surreal for us right through butttt, we tried too to stay realistic because yeah , same sitch , we both knew that in the end, we really just had to meet first.
And funny , we were bracing for the worst too but l'm happy to say it was all about the nicest surprise either of us had ever had and when she finally came through those airport gates l knew right there and we fell into the most beautiful cuddle and kisses and hugs ever.
So l wish you guys all the best eh but yeah , try to remember , it's just best , that you really do have to meet first and then take it from there.
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Old 16th April 2019, 8:47 AM   #8
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There would be seriously something wrong with her if she did not want to meet in person first.
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Old 16th April 2019, 11:48 AM   #9
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You have never met and want to be together as a couple, what could possibly go wrong?
Thanks for the reply. It's just there's more to my story. You see, I have had a bad relationship earlier which broke me apart. I want to meet her, not with the thought of how she's going to see/judge me, but rather with an open mind.
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Old 16th April 2019, 11:53 AM   #10
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And don't forget , you need to know if you have any attraction and feel for her too in person.
You may well take one look and wanna jump back on the plane. Or it may just feel all wrong for you, who knows.
So yeah l agree too and it;s a wise protecting heart and expectations in this until you are actually in person , side by side.
How's skyping and photos been going , crazy about each other so far ?

We were 12hours apart , so it took us 2mths to manage finally meeting.
And things had just been surreal for us right through butttt, we tried too to stay realistic because yeah , same sitch , we both knew that in the end, we really just had to meet first.
And funny , we were bracing for the worst too but l'm happy to say it was all about the nicest surprise either of us had ever had and when she finally came through those airport gates l knew right there and we fell into the most beautiful cuddle and kisses and hugs ever.
So l wish you guys all the best eh but yeah , try to remember , it's just best , that you really do have to meet first and then take it from there.

We're in a stage that we're on the phone, sometimes video call, voice call, or sometimes just texting. Of course, we have shared our pics, not just ours but our families, etc. We really want to build this relationship. But it'll all depend on our meeting, apparently. And thanks for the advice!
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Old 16th April 2019, 2:08 PM   #11
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You want to build a relationship & you naÔvely think that can be accomplished with a device between you. She more pragmatically knows no relationship is possible until you meet. It's not that she will be judging you. It's just that until you meet, this isn't as real as it feels. She is coming at this with an open mind & probably a hope that it works. However she is also trying to temper your enthusiasm, & unrealistic expectations.

Go meet her. Then see where you are. For all you know, you won't like her. Right now you think you are falling for the girl you think she is -- the one you have constructed in your mind & heart. In reality you have no idea who she actually is. Getting to know someone takes time & proximity.
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Old 16th April 2019, 2:57 PM   #12
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Soooo would it be possible for you to move to Finland or France?

Or would she consider moving to Asia?

Is it feasible in some sort of near future - ie in the next 18 months for both of you to live in the same place?

If not.... I say what's the point. Chat, have fun getting to know someone on line - but know that there isn't going to be a "relationship".

If there IS a possibility - then yes, meet in person as soon as you can.

That way, you can get a better sense of this is all fantasy, if this is a waste of time - or, if there is something there - and if that something is worth moving across oceans, away from families, dreaming new dreams for.

Because the thing is - lots of people meet over the internet. Lots of people find deep connections, feel that they have fallen in love, chat chat chat.... And in the end, it simply fizzels out because eitger being together isn't a possibility, or if you do meet, one may find that online isn't reality.
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Old 16th April 2019, 7:07 PM   #13
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She sounds very sensible. I would never consider being in a relationship with a man that I had never met. The very thought defies logic.

As to whether you should travel to meet her, I personally wouldnít. But, thatís also because I have no intention to move to another country to be with someone that I barely know. Itís a risk I would never be willing to take.

So, I suppose your answer depends on what your end game. Letís assume you meet and all goes well, are you prepared to move to be with her? Because unless one of you is prepared to move, it would be a complete and total waste of your time and money.
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Old 16th April 2019, 7:25 PM   #14
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You have to see a person in motion to know if you're attracted to them. You also have to be around them a year or two to know the real person. Right now, you only know about 40 percent of each other. No sensible person would be willing to make any commitment whatever before dating face to face for a few months. Most of these things blow up rather quickly once you actually meet in person. There's so much you don't know. Maybe you're at a bar or restaurant or coffee place and she flirts with every guy in sight. Maybe she shows up late or stands you up entirely. Maybe you find out she's a spoiled brat who always has to have her way. Maybe you are too clingy and she quickly realizes she couldn't handle that. These things usually do not work out. I wouldn't spend a bunch of money on it.
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Old 17th April 2019, 10:32 AM   #15
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She sounds smart and you should be doing the same. Actually, why even do this if you two live so far apart?
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