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I'm in a long distance relationship but I started to like another guy


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 22nd March 2019, 3:58 AM   #1
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I'm in a long distance relationship but I started to like another guy

I'm gonna give out details so maybe you can help out to find the best solution for me and know exactly how my situation is...

Please don't criticize me...

Okay, so let's start from the beginning, I met my boyfriend back when I was in 2nd year of high school, he's one year older than me. We started dating but things didn't turns out well in the first few months. The problem lays in our differences, which is our race. The thing is, in Indonesia race difference is still a problem, most Chinese parents won't allow their child to marry Javanese because back then in 1998 there's a huge conflict between these 2 race, and some Javanese parents felt that Chinese race were too arrogant. So, my point is that, my parents discourage my relationship with my Javanese boyfriend. My mom said that "he's not a good person, I heard many stories about him, why do you even want to go out with him?? Ha?".

Tbh, my boyfriend is not handsome, he's not the smartest one either. But he's a good person to talk to, I can just be myself when with him. Most of my friends broke up with their boyfriend because they can't talk out their relationship problem and ended up with arguments and break ups. I really appreciate my boyfriend, he's a busy man, but still manages to talk it out with me when we had problem and most problems are caused by my short tempered personality, but anyhow, he'd still try to resolve everything like a real adult. And in the end, we manage to overcome the parents and race problem.

But right after that, I moved to Japan, to pursue my dream in the art industry. We promised that we'll keep in touch, pursue our dreams, and when I've gained enough experience for art industry, I'll go back to Indonesia and we can have a normal relationship again.

But the thing is, when I arrived here, I met another Indonesian guy. He's 6 years older than me, but looks around my age. At first we're just in the same group of friends, playing games together. But it turns out that he started to like me. I've made it clear that I have a boyfriend. But he said that one day when my boyfriend dump me, he'll be there waiting for me. At first I find him annoying because he kept on ringing my doorbell. But in the end, he's a great help for me. He's there when I failed my test, and gave me a shoulder to cry on. He teached me how to cook, helped me find an apartment near my college, and care for me when I'm sick. The thing that he didn't have is patience like my boyfriend, he tends to resolve everything with an argument and plays victim. I cried a lot of time because I felt guilty and thought that I have hurt him. But in the end he always came and said sorry for making me feel guilty and making me cry. And, another problem is that, he gets jealous all the time and sometimes gets mad at me when I hang out with another guy. But other than that, he keeps on being nice to me. Meanwhile I started to contact my boyfriend less and less because he's getting busier with his college and his part time job as a teacher.

I started to spend more time with this new guy, but it's because we live in the same apartment building, and we're in the same class in my Japanese languagr school. I just enjoyed my time with him, never knew that I would develop such things as feelings. But then, the time came, soon, I'll be moving to my new apartment for college, then we'll have no reasons to contact each other. He said that, he's thankful for the past 9 month he had spent with me. And whenever I need help, I can just call him, and he'll help it out. And he said "sorry for disturbing your relationship with your boyfriend, soon after you leave, you can forget all about me".

I felt hurt right in my chest, and I don't want to leave this guy, but what about my boyfriend??

What should I do?? Is this just a crush?? Or some love feelings, or is it just a mere gulity feelings of fear to hurt his feelings??
What about my boyfriend?? Is it true that my feelings diminished because we started to contact each other less and less??
Is it worth it to throw my 2 years relationship with my boyfriend with the obstacle we've overcome for this new guy whom can be always near me, care for me, but didn't have such patience like my boyfriend did??

Please help me out!!!
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Old 22nd March 2019, 8:20 AM   #2
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In the western world it's uncommon for people to end up spending their lives with the person they dated in HS. As we grow, mature & have new opportunities to explore the world around us, we change as people & staying with the person back home loses its allure. To be honest I think that is what is happening here. Your world is broadening & your childhood sweetheart isn't keeping up. I think you owe to everyone involved to cut ties so you can explore who you are as an independent adult.
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Old 22nd March 2019, 9:52 AM   #3
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Look, people aren't expected to run off and marry their boyfriend from high school. Regardless of his ethnicity/race/whatever, the chances that you'd actually end up with him for life - even if you'd STAYED in your country - are so low it's not even funny.

Do you expect your old boyfriend to actually move to Japan where you now live, or did you think you'd just settle for a computer/Facetime/Skyping/WhatsApp/texting long-distance 'relationship' with him, which is SO unsatisfying for all concerned?

I'm not telling you this new guy is perfect for you, but you've moved to another country and you're far too young to lock yourself into a silly long-distance 'relationship' with your old boyfriend. You don't mention in your post that he has plans to move to Japan in the future, nor do you mention anything about moving back home to be with him, so what's the POINT of trying to continue from different countries? What's the end result, besides frustration?

Time to move on.
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Old 22nd March 2019, 10:22 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs._December View Post
Look, people aren't expected to run off and marry their boyfriend from high school. Regardless of his ethnicity/race/whatever, the chances that you'd actually end up with him for life - even if you'd STAYED in your country - are so low it's not even funny.

Do you expect your old boyfriend to actually move to Japan where you now live, or did you think you'd just settle for a computer/Facetime/Skyping/WhatsApp/texting long-distance 'relationship' with him, which is SO unsatisfying for all concerned?

I'm not telling you this new guy is perfect for you, but you've moved to another country and you're far too young to lock yourself into a silly long-distance 'relationship' with your old boyfriend. You don't mention in your post that he has plans to move to Japan in the future, nor do you mention anything about moving back home to be with him, so what's the POINT of trying to continue from different countries? What's the end result, besides frustration?

Time to move on.
Correction: I planned to move back to Indonesia, but still, thank you for helping me answer
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