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LDR - is this really right?

Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 11th March 2019, 11:56 PM   #16
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Someone earlier mentioned that the phone number from the dude who texted her for a date may be similar to yours since you live in the same area.

If this is true and she noticed that, and if she, as she said, doesn't give her number out, and I also think you mentioned she seemed intrigued by it, add to that the fact that she's cooled off toward you; have you considered that she may be playing along to find out if you set this up?

If, as she told the dude, she doesn't usually do this type thing, she's got to be wondering how the guy got her number. And she may very well suspect exactly what is happening.

A similar thing happened to me many years ago. I waited for the guy I was dating to confess it and he never did. I never called him out on it, always waiting for him to confess so that I could trust him. I never met the person he'd used to test me, but I did message (no phone calls and nothing romantic or sexual with the person) the person for months, all the while hoping the bf would confess which, as I mentioned, he never did.

In the end the deceit eroded our R.

In your place, I'd confess to her what I'd agreed to. She may very well be waiting and hoping for you to.

Last edited by LivingWaterPlease; 12th March 2019 at 12:13 AM..
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Old 14th March 2019, 10:55 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by Darcey View Post
We're officially meant to be together with a view to me moving back this year to be with her (I'm thinking I might get a house first to rent before actually moving in with her to make sure everything works - is this odd?)
It's not the renting a house part being odd, rather you planning a move based on nothing.
I wonder, why was it her coming to you and not you flying to her, considering she flew with kids in tow while you would have been alone (so just one ticket)?

Originally Posted by Darcey View Post
why would she go through all this trouble of offering me to move back to live with her and the kids?
Why did she want to be bf and gf if she's still weighing her options?
Only she knows. Maybe you're not that passionate with her after all. You might be a steady option in her more mature years... but passion is something else. That, or as others suggested: she smelled a rodent...

Originally Posted by Darcey View Post
I don't want to tell her that I've got my friend to text because honestly I feel stupid.
Well, the risk if you tell her is that she might play the card of: I so knew it was you doing this... and the whole thing gets ruined, and you'll never know if she was just playing or serious.

Originally Posted by Darcey View Post
What should I do?
Well, that's obviously up to you. But if I were you, I'd say: Look, I'm getting cold feet regarding my move... I realized I don't feel like losing everything here... and at this point, going on with this makes no sense. So I'm out of this. Sorry.

You need to be firm with her. I doubt she'd consider moving where you live. And it's going to die on its own. If at that point (not later) she mentioned you tested her and the phone trick, then you should just apologize and you were really worried. Only then you'd be sure about her intentions. Anything else, just let her go and move on.
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