Kawaii00 Posted February 27, 2019 Share Posted February 27, 2019 Hi I'm new here+was looking for some advice on my LDR of 2 years..Basically in the beginning our relationship was brilliant+he made me feel so loved,we had a fab time together+my friends all thought he was great!...Fast forward 2 years+we now have a baby together+i literally don't recognise my boyfriend anymore:(....Whenever i see him 9 times out of ten I'm walking on eggshells as he can get in a mood over the slightest thing and then if i get upset over this he'll say hes not in a bad mood and i'm just been sensitive/paranoid etc etc..Hes never helped us out financially yet hes called me a narcissist and says i have no empathy when the opposite is true of me...He says hes depressed but I'm thinking something worse as his loving behaviour changed literally overnight..theres loads of other things hes done but don't want to make this post too long! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 27, 2019 Share Posted February 27, 2019 If you have a baby with this man he has legal obligations to the child. Get those enforced. It's not your money; the money belongs to your kid. If you don't need the money for the child now, stick it in an account so the kid will have nest egg later. I think your LDR BF is freaking out about having procreated. You can have a family apart. When will the distance close? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 27, 2019 Share Posted February 27, 2019 Any chance of PTSD? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kawaii00 Posted February 27, 2019 Author Share Posted February 27, 2019 Why do you mention PTSD? Link to post Share on other sites
snflwrgrl Posted February 28, 2019 Share Posted February 28, 2019 Welcome to loveshack. I’m glad you reached out! I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Have you considered asking your boyfriend to see a counselor with you? I wonder if that might help you get to the root of the problem. You are not alone. I will be praying for you this week, for God’s direction and for peace with your decisions. Big supportive hug! Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 28, 2019 Share Posted February 28, 2019 Hi Kawaii00, I'm afraid I have more questions than answers. What is the timeline connection between his mood changing and the pregnancy/baby? Was the pregnancy planned for? Did he want the baby? Does he have a good connection with the child? How long has he been acting differently for? Do you live together? What is his reason for not supporting his child? Sorry, I know this isn't much help, but answers can help us to figure out what could be wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 28, 2019 Share Posted February 28, 2019 Why do you mention PTSD? I know I'm not CO, but different mental health conditions could be a cause of his behaviour. Along with PTSD, I'd be wondering if you've ever seen his moods cycle from positive to depressed over a space of months. Also, what is going on between the two of you before he calls you names? Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 28, 2019 Share Posted February 28, 2019 ...He says hes depressed but I'm thinking something worse as his loving behaviour changed literally overnight.. It's possible that this is not an 'overnight' change, but that you've been so busy becoming a good mother that you missed the signs of his stress and/or troubles. (Could also account for why he feels that you have no empathy for him.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kawaii00 Posted March 1, 2019 Author Share Posted March 1, 2019 No we do not live together..it was always the plan but suddenly about half way through my pregnancy he changed and his moods got nasty.and i decided it would be a big mistake letting him move in..he can literally get really moody and volatile over anything..for example how he thinks i've said something or if i don't agree with him Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted March 1, 2019 Share Posted March 1, 2019 Is it possible that once you became pregnant most/all of your Energy and attention went into that, and no longer into your relationship with him? Do you have access to any type of 'new parent' or 'young parent' support programs? It's very common for relationships to be put under a lot of stress, when pregnancy and parenthood were not part of the original equation. Being able to access community support programs may be at least a start to helping the two of you get on the same page and learn more constructive parenthood and communication skills together. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 1, 2019 Share Posted March 1, 2019 The truth is, it’s really hard to truly know someone when you are in a long distance relationship. Until you have lived with someone, seen them when they are sick or on a bad day, and you know how they handle stress and what life is like day to day... you just don’t know that person. How long did you know him before you got pregnant? Is it possible that you were very much in the honeymoon phase of the relationship - all hormones and googly eyes - when you go pregnant. I fear that this is truly who he is, and you got pregnant before you really knew the man. Regardless, I know two things - I would be filing for child support and I would not be willing to subject myself of my child to this kind of behaviour. I’m sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kawaii00 Posted March 2, 2019 Author Share Posted March 2, 2019 The truth is, it’s really hard to truly know someone when you are in a long distance relationship. Until you have lived with someone, seen them when they are sick or on a bad day, and you know how they handle stress and what life is like day to day.. [/quote Yeah i think your right,there were a few red flags at the start but things i just thought were normal or caused by stress of the LDR..Also he was happy about my pregnancy and loves our son but sometimes throws it in my face Theres a lot more i havent mentioned as i find it hard putting things into words but his behaviour seems very personality disorder like Link to post Share on other sites
Tamfana Posted March 2, 2019 Share Posted March 2, 2019 No we do not live together..it was always the plan but suddenly about half way through my pregnancy he changed and his moods got nasty.and i decided it would be a big mistake letting him move in..he can literally get really moody and volatile over anything..for example how he thinks i've said something or if i don't agree with him Oh, that's not good. Do you think he might be an addict, drugs or alcohol? Addicts can be like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 Judging by how you completely avoided the topic of this guy being financially RESPONSIBLE for his kid (whether he's a jerk to you or not), I'm going to assume it's because you've purposely chosen not to pursue child support from him. And I'm also going to assume you haven't done that because the hasn't contributed one thin dime for his kid and you're afraid that if you DO insist on support, you'll completely scare Father of the Year off and you'll 'lose' him. That would NOT be a loss, trust me. Link to post Share on other sites
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