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Bitterness over studying abroad


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 4th February 2019, 12:42 AM   #1
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Bitterness over studying abroad

My gf has been studying abroad for some time now and everything has been going smoothly until now. We are both very happy with each other and are both very much into making it work, especially since she will be back eventually. We have a lot of trust in each other and really appreciate being able to talk to each other a good amount.(a very happy and healthy LDR) We also planned a vacation together for during her break. However, as the time has been going by my bitterness has been growing at a rapid pace. Before she left I told her that I was happy for her and wouldn’t feel any resentment towards her because I felt that she’d be getting a great experience and gaining a lot. The problem is I’m starting to feel like she’s really not getting much out of it and it was unnecessary for her to go. Hardly any of her credits are transferring, she may have to take extra classes to graduate on time, she has minimal school work that doesn’t even affect her gpa, and she’s enrolled in an American run university, so she’s in classes that are taught in English(we’re American) and strictly with American students. I obviously miss her very much but I keep thinking that she’s not even getting anything out of it and that her leaving has put pointless stress on us and our relationship. The thought that she went away just to have a good time and do things that she could’ve otherwise done at home is driving me nuts. I believe it is a selfish way for me to think, but I’m having a awfully hard time mitigating these negative thoughts. I’ve bottled up these feelings for a while until recently lettting it out and I can tell she’s very upset over it and admits to feeling like it wasnt the right choice to go, but neither of us know what to do now. I believe that we’re responsible for our own happiness, however I am pursuing an advanced degree and have a very tight budget on top of the vacation we booked, so I’m finding it awfully difficult to find somethings to enjoy and to distract myself due to financial constraints. So basically I’m getting bitter/angry/frustrated over the fact that I have to feel so upset and feel that she’s not even getting anything truly worth it out of being abroad. Constantly I am trying to think of different things that can be good from this but have a hard time. What should I do? What should we talk about? How do I combat these feelings? I feel that this is selfish of me to feel this way but at the same time feel justified to be angry because of the lack of benefits.
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Old 4th February 2019, 9:48 AM   #2
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You get lots of kudos for being so self aware.

Higher education is not just about academic classes. It includes learning about the world & yourself. While this trip may not be as academically enriching as you would like your GF is gaining a broader world view & independence. It's a trip that will shape her life. If she didn't go, when she hit middle age she'd have deep regrets.

Focus on the upcoming trip you are planning. Meanwhile do fun things here at home to expand your own horizons.
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Old 9th February 2019, 12:49 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by joe_35 View Post
What should I do?
Apologize to her, and say that you misjudged the whole experience. Ask her to please forgive you. Then give her space.

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Originally Posted by joe_35 View Post
What should we talk about?
Anything you feel like.

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Originally Posted by joe_35 View Post
How do I combat these feelings?
Use that time to arrange stuff for your vacation.
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Old 23rd February 2019, 1:25 PM   #4
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it might be a good idea
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