Living together when we’re under 18 and finishing school abroad

[littleshisui]

Hi xx

I will try to make it short although it seems impossible.

So here is our story:

I’m a 17 year old girl and I live in France , two years ago I met my boyfriend online and we’ve been together ever since the day we met.

He’s 8 months younger. I’m graduating high school this year whereas he still has to go this year + next year before graduating , and thus drop out of school.

He lives in the US, west coast , there is a time difference of 9 hours.

His family does not know about us. Mine does and they’re numb about my relationship. If his family does not know it’s because there are low almost inexistant chances they accept us. He’s having problems with his family and we would like him to move here with me.

Indeed with unfinished school it is a problem. And there are a lot more problems since he’s not 18, does not speak french , doesn’t have french citizenship nor a visa. I was wondering if you guys have a solution …

And a few questions:

-Are there high schools in France for people who don’t speak french or American high schools to finish graduation?

-Can citizenship be easily acquired to have a double citizenship?

-Is there an online school program for aboard studies?

Thanks for your help!

Edited November 11, 2018 by littleshisui
wrong word using

[Garcon1986]

Salut et je vous souhaite la bienvenue ici parmis nous a Loveshack.

 

First things first - wanting to live together at 17 and 18 is a big big decision. Are you ready to help each other out if something serious goes wrong?

 

In answer to your other questions, I think there are ways for Americans to get French citizenship but they would have to start by asking via the appropriate channels. Asking anybody to learn French from square one is a big challenge. If he wants to survive in France he will need to take up this big responsibility. There are American high schools and schools that accept American citizens near you, as well as universities that go by the American system, but he can't stay in a English speaking environment forever. If you want him to go there he will need to show his dedication and actually learn the language just like you learned English. Most well established online programs will also want you to go to the parent university at least for some of the courses or exams. They do exist but you have to look for them.

 

I have nothing against you two loving each other, but I would suggest to the both of you, making sure you build your careers, because one of the biggest reasons of divorce in the US, is money. You have all the time in the world to build a lovely relationship at 18 years of age.

[ExpatInItaly]

Are there high schools in France for people who don’t speak french or American high schools to finish graduation?

Probably, yes, but you're asking the wrong forum. You need to do your research on French education websites which have the information you need. American Embassies often have this information as well. I live in Rome and there are a couple of very good American-operated, English-language elementary and secondary schools here. However, they are private and astronomically expensive. I expect France is similar in this regard. Who would be paying for his education there?

 

Can citizenship be easily acquired to have a double citizenship?

No, it generally cannot be easily acquired. This tells me that you (understandably, at your age) have almost no concept of how immigration and citizenship works. There is generally a lengthy bureaucratic process involved, sometimes requiring a certain number of years of residency in the country before you can even apply for citizenship. Again, speaking as an expat in a neighbouring EU country, the road to acquiring citizenship is long and not easy, if you are not married to a citizen. With him as a minor, you can pretty much forget about it. Maybe years down the road.

 

For him to study in France, he would need to obtain a study visa - which again, would require the support and consent of his legal guardian if he is under 18. It will be impossible if they do not consent. Even if he waits until he is over 18, it is unlikely he would be able to study abroad without their help, as he would be required to demonstrate the ability to financially support himself or have his parents act his guarantor. In that case, his parents would need to submit proof of their own ability to financially support him while he studies.

 

Is there an online school program for aboard studies?

Be very careful here. There are many so-called "online schools" that are not accredited, meaning that you graduate with zero recognized diploma. Several legitimate schools do offer online courses, but again, this is irrelevant if he does not otherwise have permission to reside in France.

 

Have you and he even met in person? I know it's easy to get swept up in a dream but I hope my post made it a little clearer how difficult this entire idea is. Trust me on this; I speak from experience. Living abroad is not easy, even if I love it most of the time, and I am twice your age. If you have never actually met the guy, you're building a future with essentially no foundation. That is very hard, particularly when you're talking about relocating halfway around the world.

[littleshisui]

Merci beaucouuup!

 

You know I have my own place it’s my parents’ house they have two and they’re willing to leave the smaller one to me. Thanks for your advice , i know it’s gonna be a lot of responsibilities sometimes it seems so impossible but I don’t want to give up no matter how much we told each other it’s best to go our separate ways we were never able to leave

[Garcon1986]

Well there's nothing wrong with you loving this guy, but can you tell us how well you know him? How do you know this is your favourite guy in the whole world?

 

Have you taken the time to process ExpatinItaly's post?

[littleshisui]

Probably, yes, but you're asking the wrong forum. You need to do your research on French education websites which have the information you need. American Embassies often have this information as well. I live in Rome and there are a couple of very good American-operated, English-language elementary and secondary schools here. However, they are private and astronomically expensive. I expect France is similar in this regard. Who would be paying for his education there?

 

No, it generally cannot be easily acquired. This tells me that you (understandably, at your age) have almost no concept of how immigration and citizenship works. There is generally a lengthy bureaucratic process involved, sometimes requiring a certain number of years of residency in the country before you can even apply for citizenship. Again, speaking as an expat in a neighbouring EU country, the road to acquiring citizenship is long and not easy, if you are not married to a citizen. With him as a minor, you can pretty much forget about it. Maybe years down the road.

 

For him to study in France, he would need to obtain a study visa - which again, would require the support and consent of his legal guardian if he is under 18. It will be impossible if they do not consent. Even if he waits until he is over 18, it is unlikely he would be able to study abroad without their help, as he would be required to demonstrate the ability to financially support himself or have his parents act his guarantor. In that case, his parents would need to submit proof of their own ability to financially support him while he studies.

 

Be very careful here. There are many so-called "online schools" that are not accredited, meaning that you graduate with zero recognized diploma. Several legitimate schools do offer online courses, but again, this is irrelevant if he does not otherwise have permission to reside in France.

 

Have you and he even met in person? I know it's easy to get swept up in a dream but I hope my post made it a little clearer how difficult this entire idea is. Trust me on this; I speak from experience. Living abroad is not easy, even if I love it most of the time, and I am twice your age. If you have never actually met the guy, you're building a future with essentially no foundation. That is very hard, particularly when you're talking about relocating halfway around the world.

 

Thanks a lot for your very detailed reply and honestly it made me realize how difficult our situation is. Now , it kind of seems like it’s an impossible love yet I know I will never be able to move on.

I’m young and all I know it but I don’t know there’s a deep connection between me and him. No we’ve never met… I’m lost I really am all I know is I can’t let go ever ever..

[d0nnivain]

Sorry but have to be real cold water here.

 

First, because you haven't met, this isn't real. You think you know him. This is all terribly romantic & feels real. It's not. You are caught in a dream woven by your heart which has no bearing in reality.

 

Second, at 17 he is under the age at which he can enter into a valid contract. He will need help from his parents to buy a plane ticket. American authorities will not let him board a plane or ship with a note from mom & dad or a court order for emancipation. He can't even get a passport without their permission. French authorities won't let him in without those documents. You will both have to talk to your various embassies about the immigration issues This is complicated legal stuff.

 

Neither of you can sign a lease to rent an apartment. So where will you live?

 

He can't enroll himself in school.

 

Continue getting to know each other through the computer & calls, including video calls. Try to arrange a short vacation trip where you meet.

 

Go to college independently on your own. Have him study French. Each of you do a semester abroad in the other's country. Then when you graduate you can work out the immigration logistics but not now. If you are really meant to be together forever, it's OK if forever starts 5 years from now with a more solid foundation.

[ExpatInItaly]

Thanks a lot for your very detailed reply and honestly it made me realize how difficult our situation is. Now , it kind of seems like it’s an impossible love yet I know I will never be able to move on.

I’m young and all I know it but I don’t know there’s a deep connection between me and him. No we’ve never met… I’m lost I really am all I know is I can’t let go ever ever..

 

I know it feels like you can't, but I promise that you can. If you want. Your life will change you will grow so much in the coming years that you can't even imagine it now. The girl I was at 17 is very different from who I am today at 37. And it's been a fun ride! The best is yet to come for you.

 

I don't mean to rain on your parade, but I hoped that speaking from my own experience as a North American (Canadian here) moving to the EU by myself that I could inform you. What you two would like to do is very difficult at this time.

 

And really, it is not wise to make such a plan with someone you have never met. The risk is very high that it would not work out the way you think.

[littleshisui]

Sorry but have to be real cold water here.

 

First, because you haven't met, this isn't real. You think you know him. This is all terribly romantic & feels real. It's not. You are caught in a dream woven by your heart which has no bearing in reality.

 

Second, at 17 he is under the age at which he can enter into a valid contract. He will need help from his parents to buy a plane ticket. American authorities will not let him board a plane or ship with a note from mom & dad or a court order for emancipation. He can't even get a passport without their permission. French authorities won't let him in without those documents. You will both have to talk to your various embassies about the immigration issues This is complicated legal stuff.

 

Neither of you can sign a lease to rent an apartment. So where will you live?

 

He can't enroll himself in school.

 

Continue getting to know each other through the computer & calls, including video calls. Try to arrange a short vacation trip where you meet.

 

Go to college independently on your own. Have him study French. Each of you do a semester abroad in the other's country. Then when you graduate you can work out the immigration logistics but not now. If you are really meant to be together forever, it's OK if forever starts 5 years from now with a more solid foundation.

 

Thank you a lot .. we have a place to stay thankfully my parents own two houses and a little one where we can stay until we get financially independent and stable but, the fact remains it’s sad that we had to be born so far apart from each other ... we try to video call everyday and all we even get so emotional when we realize how hard it’s going to be to build something solid together yet we never give up and I think it must be something real between us if we can’t move on after two years.

[littleshisui]

I know it feels like you can't, but I promise that you can. If you want. Your life will change you will grow so much in the coming years that you can't even imagine it now. The girl I was at 17 is very different from who I am today at 37. And it's been a fun ride! The best is yet to come for you.

 

I don't mean to rain on your parade, but I hoped that speaking from my own experience as a North American (Canadian here) moving to the EU by myself that I could inform you. What you two would like to do is very difficult at this time.

 

And really, it is not wise to make such a plan with someone you have never met. The risk is very high that it would not work out the way you think.

 

Thank you so much for your advice and his parents are more likely to hate us together so yeah they won’t help him … sigh I feel like nobody can understand what we feel because they all say it’s best to leave which I understand because he’s not so motivated to go long distance for some more years , but at the same time both of us can’t leave each other and we can’t let go. .!

[d0nnivain]

You don't have to leave or let go. You just have to slow down. You have made it this far.

 

Why do you think his parents will be so against it? Where is the prejudice coming from? If it's just because of the long odds & their idea that this won't work out, I would think a parent would let you meet. No harm can come from a meeting.

 

What you two don't understand is that when you each begin university your world will open up & then the person on the computer might not be as exciting but you might stay connected until you get to a point where you can meet.

 

Whatever will happen here does not have to happen tomorrow. Give it time …. . we're talking years.

[littleshisui]

Probably, yes, but you're asking the wrong forum. You need to do your research on French education websites which have the information you need. American Embassies often have this information as well. I live in Rome and there are a couple of very good American-operated, English-language elementary and secondary schools here. However, they are private and astronomically expensive. I expect France is similar in this regard. Who would be paying for his education there?

 

No, it generally cannot be easily acquired. This tells me that you (understandably, at your age) have almost no concept of how immigration and citizenship works. There is generally a lengthy bureaucratic process involved, sometimes requiring a certain number of years of residency in the country before you can even apply for citizenship. Again, speaking as an expat in a neighbouring EU country, the road to acquiring citizenship is long and not easy, if you are not married to a citizen. With him as a minor, you can pretty much forget about it. Maybe years down the road.

 

For him to study in France, he would need to obtain a study visa - which again, would require the support and consent of his legal guardian if he is under 18. It will be impossible if they do not consent. Even if he waits until he is over 18, it is unlikely he would be able to study abroad without their help, as he would be required to demonstrate the ability to financially support himself or have his parents act his guarantor. In that case, his parents would need to submit proof of their own ability to financially support him while he studies.

 

Be very careful here. There are many so-called "online schools" that are not accredited, meaning that you graduate with zero recognized diploma. Several legitimate schools do offer online courses, but again, this is irrelevant if he does not otherwise have permission to reside in France.

 

Have you and he even met in person? I know it's easy to get swept up in a dream but I hope my post made it a little clearer how difficult this entire idea is. Trust me on this; I speak from experience. Living abroad is not easy, even if I love it most of the time, and I am twice your age. If you have never actually met the guy, you're building a future with essentially no foundation. That is very hard, particularly when you're talking about relocating halfway around the world.

 

You don't have to leave or let go. You just have to slow down. You have made it this far.

 

Why do you think his parents will be so against it? Where is the prejudice coming from? If it's just because of the long odds & their idea that this won't work out, I would think a parent would let you meet. No harm can come from a meeting.

 

What you two don't understand is that when you each begin university your world will open up & then the person on the computer might not be as exciting but you might stay connected until you get to a point where you can meet.

 

Whatever will happen here does not have to happen tomorrow. Give it time …. . we're talking years.

 

Thank you a lot and his parents won’t accpet us for religion issues they absolutely want his partner to have the same religion which I don’t. He’s not into religion either. But he wants to move out once he gets financially independent.. but he for sure won’t listen to his parents for religion or who he has to be with

[d0nnivain]

If the issue is religion mom & dad won't ever come around.

 

Just take things slow & see if that gets you anywhere with each other. Have several meetings before you start rushing to immigration & living together. Even when the time comes you need to go from an LDR to a conventional not living together situation before moving in. You can't go from LDR to living together; the change is too radical.

[Garcon1986]

At the very least, you've got to video chat this guy enough times to get a sense of who he is. All this other stuff to get you two together is also very expensive.

[smackie9]

If he thinks you are worth it, he should get off his butt and take French lessons, get a job to start saving his money for the trip to go see you....if he isn't going to put in the effort, all your efforts are to waste and he's just been your penpal for the last two years. This is will make or break it.....things are gonna get real...is he going to be there for you? These are some hard questions you need to ask. I have a feeling he's just using the parents as an excuse, so he doesn't have to put in the effort.

Edited November 11, 2018 by smackie9

[Peppa]

Hi! I was in a situation that bore some similarity to yours when I was a kid. My first love, when I was 16 years old was a 16-year old French boy. I’m American. I met him in the United States when he was on an exchange program. We both fell fast and hard. Now, some important differences were that we had actually met and got to actually date and fall in love in the flesh. Also, I spoke French. Furthermore, our parents condoned our relationship. After he had to return to France, I became an exchange student in his home. I went to his school and everything. Just so you know, France is really tough about letting minors in on a student visa. I almost didn’t get to go because they insisted on having both of my parents’ consent. I had not seen my father in seven years, so I was very concerned. Both my mother and I had to go down to the French consulate and plead my case. They only approved my visa after much deliberation.

 

My boyfriend and I ended up breaking up once I was in France. It was difficult because he was my first love. However, I did get over it eventually and went on to love again and again. The big takeaways are that my boyfriend and I had much more working in our favor than you and yours, yet we still broke up. And, most importantly, I totally survived the breakup and had found an even better match in less than one year’s time. Finally, if your boyfriend was really serious about you instead of just wanting to get away from his controlling parents, he would be learning French and have already applied to an exchange student program. There are tons of them. But, he hasn’t done that which means he hasn’t even taken the time to research it on the internet. Mon copain et moi set everything in motion in order to make it easy on our parents pre-internet days. That should give you something to think about regarding your boyfriend’s level of commitment. You’re the one doing all the research. Bonne chance!

[BaileyB]

Another who would strongly discourage you from even thinking about moving in with a man you have never met. I’m sorry, that is not a mature or responsible decision!

 

I too will say that the person I was at 17 does not even begin to compare with the person I became at 27 or 37. This is a time in your life when you should be discovering who you are as a person - what do you like, what do you want for your life, and how do you make that happen. Go to school, socialize with friends, date men that you can spend time with in real life, travel - there are so many experiences you would miss if you committed yourself to a serious relationship right now. It makes me sad just to think about it. You don’t see it, because you are young and somewhat naive... trust us when we say, this is an exciting and important time in your life - enjoy it!

[BaileyB]

No, it generally cannot be easily acquired. This tells me that you (understandably, at your age) have almost no concept of how immigration and citizenship works. There is generally a lengthy bureaucratic process involved, sometimes requiring a certain number of years of residency in the country before you can even apply for citizenship. Again, speaking as an expat in a neighbouring EU country, the road to acquiring citizenship is long and not easy, if you are not married to a citizen. With him as a minor, you can pretty much forget about it. Maybe years down the road.

 

Not to mention the cost. I have friends who just received their American Citizenship (also Canadian). It took several years, and they paid thousands of dollars in fees and legal fees.

[smackie9]

Ah yes but it's worth it! BC is the best place on earth!

[BaileyB]

Ah yes but it's worth it! BC is the best place on earth!

 

I was born in BC. I couldn't agree more...