Crvladi Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 Alright so first time doing this so please bear with me. I’ll try to answer as quick as possible and please I want all honesty. Okay so I’m in a LDR with my girl and we have been dating for 2 years now and we have known each other since birth. Her family and my family have always been keeping in touch and I’ve always been around her family a lot (uncles, aunts, etc.) Now her parents have known me since I was in diapers and have watched me grow up from a distance. We have a place in common to visit, Florida. Yearly they would visit Florida and I would go as well to see her and obviously hang out with the her family because they have become like my family as well. We live a good couple of states away from each other by the way. Okay now that’s the background or at least a little bit of it. Here’s the problem now. I’ve always visited and I’ve always made my schedule to go around hers. I rack up any cash I have left and buy a ticket and see her but obviously this leaves me with nothing and starting from scratch. I’ve always done this but this end of year its looking like I will not be able to have ends meet. How can we figure this out? We only get to see each other 2-3 times a year and then during the end of the year is our anniversary as well... How can she or I get across this whole parents strictness thing. She’s 21 and I’m 20 (only beats me by a couple of months). I want to do things right in her parents eyes but it’s difficult trying to negotiate with parents like that because you’re automatically deemed the bad guy when i want her to visit at my place. (We both live with our parents so there’s always supervision). She’s never came her and I feel like she needs to see my lifestyle here as well because I’ve already done so much to go over there... Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 Can you elaborate on how her parents are being strict? Do they not want her dating you, not want you coming to visit, or not want to give her money to visit you? You haven't said how they are deeming you the bad guy, exactly. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 Get your parents involved. Have them reach out to her parents & extend the invitation for your girl to come to your family home. Let your parents assure her parents that she will be safe & there will be no hanky panky. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Crvladi Posted October 31, 2018 Author Share Posted October 31, 2018 @ExpatInItaly okay when I mean strict is that they have really never giving her liberty for anything. Always on her about going out and controlling her life. Now they love me. They accept me and almost basically see me as the one she will marry in the future. And me and her have those plans in our future. But as soon as she wants to do something grown up they instantly turn on her and make it out to be something bad. For example, if she asks to come visit me. They would instantly get mad at her and criticize her for wanting to to do such a thing. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 That doesn't make them overly strict. That makes them parents. Their only desire is to protect their child from all the big bad things that can happen in the world. You are young & still feel invincible. Seriously if you want her to come visit, have your parents reach out to her parents with a plan to show her parents she will be safe. Stop "fighting" her parents & start working with them to earn her some more flexibility. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 This isn't your issue to fight. Your girlfriend is the one who needs to figure this out with her parents. She's 21 years old, not a child. That said, if she's living under their roof, she may need to abide by their rules. There may not be a whole lot that can be done until she moves out. Do you foresee that happening anytime soon? Alternatively, she should be paying half of your travel expenses to go and visit her. It shouldn't all be on you. Link to post Share on other sites
sabaton Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 Alright so first time doing this so please bear with me. I’ll try to answer as quick as possible and please I want all honesty. Okay so I’m in a LDR with my girl and we have been dating for 2 years now and we have known each other since birth. Her family and my family have always been keeping in touch and I’ve always been around her family a lot (uncles, aunts, etc.) Now her parents have known me since I was in diapers and have watched me grow up from a distance. We have a place in common to visit, Florida. Yearly they would visit Florida and I would go as well to see her and obviously hang out with the her family because they have become like my family as well. We live a good couple of states away from each other by the way. Okay now that’s the background or at least a little bit of it. Here’s the problem now. I’ve always visited and I’ve always made my schedule to go around hers. I rack up any cash I have left and buy a ticket and see her but obviously this leaves me with nothing and starting from scratch. I’ve always done this but this end of year its looking like I will not be able to have ends meet. How can we figure this out? We only get to see each other 2-3 times a year and then during the end of the year is our anniversary as well... How can she or I get across this whole parents strictness thing. She’s 21 and I’m 20 (only beats me by a couple of months). I want to do things right in her parents eyes but it’s difficult trying to negotiate with parents like that because you’re automatically deemed the bad guy when i want her to visit at my place. (We both live with our parents so there’s always supervision). She’s never came her and I feel like she needs to see my lifestyle here as well because I’ve already done so much to go over there... Please help. Are you guys from a conservative culture? This isn't your issue to fight. Your girlfriend is the one who needs to figure this out with her parents. She's 21 years old, not a child. That said, if she's living under their roof, she may need to abide by their rules. She might be 21, and she could have been 25, but if she still lives at home - it's her parents making the rules. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 2, 2018 Share Posted November 2, 2018 Until you both move out of your parents' homes, there's only so much you can do. It's up to her to move out of her parents' home and you as well. It may just not be time yet to take it further until you're both adults living away from home independently. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 2, 2018 Share Posted November 2, 2018 @ExpatInItaly okay when I mean strict is that they have really never giving her liberty for anything. Always on her about going out and controlling her life. Now they love me. They accept me and almost basically see me as the one she will marry in the future. And me and her have those plans in our future. But as soon as she wants to do something grown up they instantly turn on her and make it out to be something bad. For example, if she asks to come visit me. They would instantly get mad at her and criticize her for wanting to to do such a thing. I still don't really understand what the problem is, exactly. If they love you, why do they get upset when she wants to see you? Is it possible that she is telling you that they love you, when that's not really the case? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 3, 2018 Share Posted November 3, 2018 Seriously if you want her to come visit, have your parents reach out to her parents with a plan to show her parents she will be safe. Stop "fighting" her parents & start working with them to earn her some more flexibility. This is your answer^^^. Your parents can assure her parents that she would be well protected and provided for during her visit. TBH I think her parents watch too much Dateline. Link to post Share on other sites
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