Lotusgirl9000 Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 Hello everyone, I am new here, I need some advice. So I met this guy online about 3 months ago by chance, he started messaging me, pursuing me and told me he liked me. I was not interested in him cause I was not looking for any romance at all, plus he lives very far away... we have a 14 hour time difference. Anyway we both have baggage (married but not together with spouses) so we were like comforting each other. Texting everyday, then sending audio records then calling then video calling.. he was always pursuing me and I was always holding a step back.. but I don't know why I started liking him a lot.. We want to meet but he always asked me what's next after we meet? Also note that he is younger than me by 8 years.. anyway.. I don't think like that cause I"m older and have many experiences so I live day by day... We became very affectionate towards each other, this month he became very busy with work and stressed, he works crazy hours so he withdrew and sends less however when he has time to call me he asks me if I still like him and he acts jealous and so on.. this behaviour is driving me crazy, hot and cold.. i know maybe he is genuinely stressed, i know guys react like that when stressed. So when he is like that I get so insecure and negative thoughts. i know it's stupid Also I know I shouldn't expect a lot from this LDR . I don't want to feel this way, can someone give me some advice how not to think negative things? and your opinion about him. thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
shydad Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 note that he is younger than me by 8 years ... this month he became very busy with work and stressed ... this behaviour is driving me crazy, hot and cold ... can someone give me some advice how not to think negative things? and your opinion about him. thanks! Hi Lotusgirl9000, depending on what your ages are, I don't think eight years is a big deal. Plus, given the life expectancy of men and women, and that he's younger, that's not so bad, in my opinion. (The idea of lonely widows is a really sad thought for me.) If he's stressed about work, and has less time, I'd try to be more forgiving of that. I think there can be too much emphasis in a relationship towards always being warm and bubbly. People are people and are not always going to be that way. If it's helpful to you, I'll provide my own personal example. When I talk with my love interest, it's almost always every day, at the end of the day, when I'm the most tired. She deserves my best, so I try to pull it together for her, but I DO fear that I won't be perky enough, and that it could show as disinterest in her (which is NOT the case at all). This is with me just having a standard job with normal hours and normal expectations. I have NO stress in my life, of any kind. Your man has a lot of stress. Also, I don't expect my love interest to be perky and bubbly all the time either. I told her this. I said that it's ok to not talk, and I envision if this goes somewhere, there may be days where she sits on the sofa reading, and I might cuddle up next to her, and not talk. This message was well received and appreciated. I do have a question though. Do you talk with him on weekends, early to mid day, when he does have time and is well rested? Is he the same then, or better? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lotusgirl9000 Posted October 23, 2018 Author Share Posted October 23, 2018 Hi Lotusgirl9000, depending on what your ages are, I don't think eight years is a big deal. Plus, given the life expectancy of men and women, and that he's younger, that's not so bad, in my opinion. (The idea of lonely widows is a really sad thought for me.) If he's stressed about work, and has less time, I'd try to be more forgiving of that. I think there can be too much emphasis in a relationship towards always being warm and bubbly. People are people and are not always going to be that way. If it's helpful to you, I'll provide my own personal example. When I talk with my love interest, it's almost always every day, at the end of the day, when I'm the most tired. She deserves my best, so I try to pull it together for her, but I DO fear that I won't be perky enough, and that it could show as disinterest in her (which is NOT the case at all). This is with me just having a standard job with normal hours and normal expectations. I have NO stress in my life, of any kind. Your man has a lot of stress. Also, I don't expect my love interest to be perky and bubbly all the time either. I told her this. I said that it's ok to not talk, and I envision if this goes somewhere, there may be days where she sits on the sofa reading, and I might cuddle up next to her, and not talk. This message was well received and appreciated. I do have a question though. Do you talk with him on weekends, early to mid day, when he does have time and is well rested? Is he the same then, or better? Hey Shydad thanks so much for your reply! I'm 35 and he is 27. He doesn't care that I'm older than him and I don't care tha thr is younger. What you said makes a lot of sense, and I never said anything to him about not talking or texting like before. I understand he is busy and right now all he does is working! Some more info about him, when I text him, he always replies on the same day, sometimes right away and sometimes after a few hours. Sometimes I don't send to him and he always sends to see how I am, Right now he is working every day even on weekends cause mostly he works from home.. He stays up all night working most of the time.. Some days he is caring and shows affection , some days he is brief or not affectionate. When we do a video call I can see he is tired, and from the way he looks at me I can feel he really likes me. So right now I'm being patient.. Maybe he will be less busy from next week. I hope so! Link to post Share on other sites
shydad Posted October 24, 2018 Share Posted October 24, 2018 Hi Lotusgirl9000, unless I'm missing something, this seems pretty normal to me, both how he's acting, and how you are feeling concerned about it. Your attitude is good. However, given that this working non stop at home started this month, and is continuing, you may want to ask about it. The amount of time he's working is not normal. Perhaps you could ask him when he thinks this work will be done, or lessened. You could also ask how often this happens...is it just this one time, or will this happen again? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lotusgirl9000 Posted October 24, 2018 Author Share Posted October 24, 2018 Well he told me he is working on a very important project, the deadline of the first part is at the end of this month, then the next part is next year. He said his work won't be finished but maybe he can take it more easy like before.. So I'm waiting for this month to pass and see what happens. As you said it might be stress and tiredness, because he still shows me he cares about me everyday. I don't think his feelings changed because of this, at least I hope not! Link to post Share on other sites
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