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I flew long distance to meet with a girl that I met on a dating website


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 3rd March 2018, 4:15 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by BaileyB View Post
I'm very sorry that this has happened to you, but you learned a valuable lesson...

Online interactions create a false sense of intimacy, you feel like you know someone although you really don't... because you have never met in real life.

You got caught up in the fantasy. The truth is, if you had lived in the same city you would maybe have invested a few hours of your time before she decided that it wasn't what she wanted... no harm done.

Go out with your mates and have a pint. Your love will come along someday. I admire your willingness to take a risk.
Thank you very much for the solid advice. Being around people and talking with people has really helped, else, when I am alone my mind goes in to overdrive thinking about it all! :'(

Thanks again! <3
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Old 3rd March 2018, 4:17 PM   #17
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I'm so sorry .

It doesn't help you feel better, but SO much of attraction is what happens when two people are actually in physical proximity to each other. It does seem surprising since you did video chat, but maybe even that didn't give her a good enough idea, or maybe she was "hoping" if she saw "red flags" (with regard to attraction) on video chat, that once she was with you in person it wouldn't actually be true.

It doesn't mean you're unattractive or undesirable. It just means that there is something missing for HER. For this one human being. Most of the time it is something so little and so minor that would mean nothing to you, but for someone else they just are put off by it, maybe even by association with a prior experience. (For example, I'll never date anyone with the name "AAA" or "BBB" for personal reasons no matter how amazing they are, but she may have issues with someone with a colic in their hair or a mole on their right hand....with no rhyme or reason......to YOU).

Sorry this happened to you .
Thank you very much for your deep and relatable perspective. You are very kind. I hear ya. I really do. I just thought what we had was much more than anything else. I still feel so strongly for her - and I met her son, which just makes the heartbreak even worse because now I care for him too :'(
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Old 3rd March 2018, 4:21 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by BaileyB View Post
I'm very sorry that this has happened to you, but you learned a valuable lesson...

Online interactions create a false sense of intimacy, you feel like you know someone although you really don't... because you have never met in real life.

You got caught up in the fantasy. The truth is, if you had lived in the same city you would maybe have invested a few hours of your time before she decided that it wasn't what she wanted... no harm done.

Go out with your mates and have a pint. Your love will come along someday. I admire your willingness to take a risk.
Well said.
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Old 3rd March 2018, 5:28 PM   #19
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Good people of the Interwebs, I need your perspective and perhaps a splash of cold water to the face.
Hi LS newbie,

You already had a splash of cold water to your face, and it looks like it wasn't even for a good cause.

Many other posters already empathised with you, they had kind words for you, told you how this happened to other posters on here (you're not alone, though that might not console you), warned you not to get so invested online anymore, at least not before meeting in person. So they dealt with the major points arising from your post.
(Incidentally, I came to the conclusion that most people can reach that level - which is e-romance-wisdom - not based on their biological age, rather depending on their internet maturity that must include experience/interaction with the other sex online, and that takes at least a fine few years.)

But the question here is: what should you do now? Sure, you can decide that by yourself, and it actually seems that you're already wrapped around her little finger so bad.
However, you asked for help. And I feel the best help you can receive is tips on how to get out of this.

1. Talking to her might make you feel better right then, but it's just a brief moment of fake consolation.

2. Fretting over the real reasons behind her decision is not a scientific experiment that will give you any results.

3. By spending your free time with her, you're preventing yourself from finding true love/someone you can build something with. You're turning down the chance of having a real girlfriend and a serious/stable relationship.

4. She didn't give you hope. She wasn't hesitant while expressing how she felt. So keeping whatever you now have going with her (or resuming and then accepting the ghosting intermittently) is not leading to anything worth pursuing.

5. Don't start justifying her. Don't get caught up in the excuses she gave you the next day. She's not the woman who's going to be all over you. And that's not how you want a woman to feel about you (forcing herself...). You mentioned how you discovered feelings that you didn't even know existed for the way you got hurt. Well, if you'll know the ups of a woman being all over you, you'll be ecstatic. Not like you felt before meeting her up. Much better and more fulfilling.

I think I covered my main points.

I could speculate a lot about all that happened, and comment on specific parts of your story, but I don't think that would help you now. You seem such a nice man and I'd like you to feel better ASAP.

So start planning your summer holidays!

Last edited by justwhoiam; 3rd March 2018 at 5:31 PM..
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Old 4th March 2018, 4:40 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by justwhoiam View Post
Hi LS newbie,

You already had a splash of cold water to your face, and it looks like it wasn't even for a good cause.

Many other posters already empathised with you, they had kind words for you, told you how this happened to other posters on here (you're not alone, though that might not console you), warned you not to get so invested online anymore, at least not before meeting in person. So they dealt with the major points arising from your post.
(Incidentally, I came to the conclusion that most people can reach that level - which is e-romance-wisdom - not based on their biological age, rather depending on their internet maturity that must include experience/interaction with the other sex online, and that takes at least a fine few years.)

But the question here is: what should you do now? Sure, you can decide that by yourself, and it actually seems that you're already wrapped around her little finger so bad.
However, you asked for help. And I feel the best help you can receive is tips on how to get out of this.

1. Talking to her might make you feel better right then, but it's just a brief moment of fake consolation.

2. Fretting over the real reasons behind her decision is not a scientific experiment that will give you any results.

3. By spending your free time with her, you're preventing yourself from finding true love/someone you can build something with. You're turning down the chance of having a real girlfriend and a serious/stable relationship.

4. She didn't give you hope. She wasn't hesitant while expressing how she felt. So keeping whatever you now have going with her (or resuming and then accepting the ghosting intermittently) is not leading to anything worth pursuing.

5. Don't start justifying her. Don't get caught up in the excuses she gave you the next day. She's not the woman who's going to be all over you. And that's not how you want a woman to feel about you (forcing herself...). You mentioned how you discovered feelings that you didn't even know existed for the way you got hurt. Well, if you'll know the ups of a woman being all over you, you'll be ecstatic. Not like you felt before meeting her up. Much better and more fulfilling.

I think I covered my main points.

I could speculate a lot about all that happened, and comment on specific parts of your story, but I don't think that would help you now. You seem such a nice man and I'd like you to feel better ASAP.

So start planning your summer holidays!
You literally have me in tears, thank you so much for your words of wisdom and your kindness.

I appreciate your perspective. It's ironic, in any other situation, I would be giving similar advice, but, I am so bad at taking and listening to my own. The love I have for her perhaps has me blind to logic. maybe.

The situation is, at the moment, that I am not contacting her until she contacts me (even though I want to so bad). So no contact between each other at the moment.

I cannot begin to describe the level of intimacy we had, the information we shared about our pasts and our childhood. It's so hard to just walk away from it all. So hard.

I am trying all of the typical things, like taking my mind of it, hanging out with Friends, working out, distracting myself generally but it's when I am at home, alone, with my thoughts (like right now) that it weighs heavily on my mind and it brings me so much hurt and sadness.

I've been in love before. I have had relationships before. I have been rejected before (hey, it's all part of life) but NEVER have I felt the way I do for this girl for anyone else before. I have never felt a stronger connection to someone, like the way I do for this girl. I don't know how to deal with it :-(

aaaand I am rambling again.. sorry!

Thanks again.
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Old 4th March 2018, 4:49 PM   #21
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Sorry to hear that, OP. Unfortunately sometimes it happens, that someone doesn't turn out to be the person you thought you knew. Especially if you are transitioning from online to real life. I don't mean just you, but her as well. Clearly she turned out to be a different kind of person than you thought - if you'd known that she was so wishy washy, you wouldn't have booked a ticket to begin with, would you?

If it helps, her constant back and forth and ghosting makes me think that you dodged a bullet.
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Old 4th March 2018, 5:11 PM   #22
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Sorry to hear that, OP. Unfortunately sometimes it happens, that someone doesn't turn out to be the person you thought you knew. Especially if you are transitioning from online to real life. I don't mean just you, but her as well. Clearly she turned out to be a different kind of person than you thought - if you'd known that she was so wishy washy, you wouldn't have booked a ticket to begin with, would you?

If it helps, her constant back and forth and ghosting makes me think that you dodged a bullet.
Thank you for your kind words! <3 - Thing is, I care so much for this girl, that yes, even with perspective now, I would have still booked the flights to go and see her :'(

I'm probably being love blind here, but as I mentioned to others before, our connection was so deep, I care for her so much, she seems that she has been through so much, and I just want to help her, dodging the bullet or not, I still want her :'(
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Old 5th March 2018, 4:16 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by RomanticEmpath View Post
Thank you for your kind words! <3 - Thing is, I care so much for this girl, that yes, even with perspective now, I would have still booked the flights to go and see her :'(

I'm probably being love blind here, but as I mentioned to others before, our connection was so deep, I care for her so much, she seems that she has been through so much, and I just want to help her, dodging the bullet or not, I still want her :'(
This says more about you than her, really.

You need to do a little inner digging and figure out why you want to play White Knight for a woman you met only once and rejected you almost immediately. I don't mean that as an insult, but I have the impression you've got the idea that she needed your help, somehow.

I think when you have time to emotionally detach, you will see that this wasn't the fairytale you perceived it to be.
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Old 16th March 2018, 12:47 AM   #24
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Unfortunately, the chemistry wasn't there for her when you met in person. Please keep in mind that women in LDRs are primarily heartless narcissists with no regard for anyone's feelings but their own. Don't ever waste your time with a LDR again. It's pure fantasy and nothing more.
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Old 17th March 2018, 4:38 AM   #25
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Just wondering what makes you say that about women in LDR ?

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Old 22nd March 2018, 5:20 AM   #26
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I am really sorry you are going through this
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