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How should I confront my LDR bf about a conflict


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 12th February 2018, 6:41 PM   #1
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How should I confront my LDR bf about a conflict

So its a long story but to sum it up: My boyfriend and I started dating in high school and have been together for almost 3 years. We've been in LDR for basically half of that time because he goes away to school and I live at home. He's only an hour away so it's not really too bad and we get to see each other almost every weekend. Last spring, the distance really got to me and I was suffering from depression and just getting angry easily which drove him away and eventually led to our breakup. We broke up for 2 months over the summer which was tough for both of us and we ended up reconnecting and getting back together this past fall.

While we were broken up, he had a rebound relationship with a girl from his friend group. They never had sex but hooked up a lot. Obviously that relationship ended badly because we ended up getting back together. I don't really know much of the details though, because we dont really talk about it. Anyways, this girl has unfollowed us both on all social media. But I've been noticing a lot that on instagram my boyfriend keeps liking her pictures or pictures with her. The only thing I can think of is that he feels bad for hurting her and wants to remain somewhat of friends (at least not enemies) so he likes her pics? I 110% trust him and know hes not together with her. But the thing is it really bothers me that he likes her pics.

Communication is really important and we definitely failed at it right before our breakup. I want things to work this time and need some advice on the best way to bring this up. I was thinking of texting him the next time I see it and just saying "Can I be honest with you... It comes up on my feed saying that you like ____'s photos and it bothers me that you like them. I'm not trying to start an argument"?? I feel like when I tell him this he is going to get very defensive. But I can't not say anything because it's just going to keep building inside of me. Any suggestions?
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Old 12th February 2018, 6:51 PM   #2
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Oh boy.


What I don't understand is why you weren't together & everything was honkey dorey during the summer when the distance didn't exist. If you can't keep it together while you were in closer proximity, the LDR part gets harder.


You can try telling him that you are uncomfortable with him remaining connected to somebody with whom he was romantically linked. I suspect you will have a very hard time convincing a college boy that his friendship with his fling is disrespectful & he's gonna throw a bunch of garbage at you that you are being insecure & they are just friends. If he "hooked up" with her even if they didn't have sex, a continued friendship in the immediate aftermath of the demise of their tryst is a problem.


Then you have to decide where you want to draw your line in the sand. If he won't in-friend her & it continues to make you nuts, are you willing to dump him for the behavior? If you are not willing to walk away, he will continue interact with her despite your wishes & try to make it sound like you are crazy for being upset.
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Old 12th February 2018, 7:04 PM   #3
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Thank you for the response! Basically the distance drove us to the breakup. And of course the distance ended right while we were in the midst of a lot of problems. Anyways, I think the way you put it is a good start. She doesn't seem to want to be friends since she unfollowed him on social media, but I dont think hes noticed. I think he feels bad for the way he treated her and wants to be friends as a way to feel better about what he did. Which is unlikely they will ever be friends again.

If it does cause an argument I am going to tell him that it does make me feel insecure that he's liking her pictures. When we were broken up, he never liked any of mine. If he refuses to stop liking her pictures, I believe that I will probably end things. I don't think this is a major, life-changing request. And if he cant do this one thing for me to help stop making me feel insecure then what happens when more important issues arise.

I'm fine with him having girl friends. He can do whatever he wants, I dont control him and I trust him that he will stay faithful to me. But this is such a different situation, I don't think its unreasonable for me to ask this. Do you?
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Old 12th February 2018, 7:06 PM   #4
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I do not think you are being unreasonable. He might. It's all about what you are willing to tolerate.
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Old 13th February 2018, 12:43 PM   #5
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So sorry for your struggles. Communication is key to all relationship. It is difficult to think that you choose to text your boyfriend a concern and not communicate with him face to face. I am reminded of something most of us disregard when communicating with others, it is that when we communicate we need to be mindful of what our listener is hearing. Communication is not just about talking to someone, it is about how what we are saying is received.
Think about what you are saying and how you would respond to it, and formulate your words in such a manner.
I trust that this information will help you to communicate with your boyfriend better. Here is a link to another article on communication that may be helpful. http://bit.ly/2o1HJnS
Blessings to you.
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