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Ldr gf going on senior trip for a week with 7 guys and 9 girls


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 7th February 2018, 1:05 PM   #1
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Unhappy Ldr gf going on senior trip for a week with 7 guys and 9 girls

Hello everyone, Ive never posted on here but I need some advice. So I am an 18 year old, I met this girl in September I have never seen her in person but over months we grew extremely close. Now we are technically dating and plan on meeting in July. My problem is, in May she is going on a trip with a group of friends 7 of them being guys and 9 of them girls. They are all going to stay at a house in Panama City Florida for a week. They will obviously be drinking and smoking. I know she wont smoke because she is so not like that but she has never really been drunk before and i am worried she will cheat. She tells me not to worry and that she wont drink that much. But sometimes I feel she can be pressured into things easily. I trust her but its so close to us meeting and I am scared of her getting drunk and making a stupid mistake. I told her how I feel and she doesnt blame me. Again, she tells me shed never cheat because shed feel horrible but its a full week with alcohol and guys and that scares me.
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Old 7th February 2018, 1:15 PM   #2
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Insecurities and long distance do not go well together. Just chill out. You haven't even met yet. If you keep being this way you might not ever get to meet her. You will drive her away.

I have no idea what's going to happen on this trip but in my experience they are not nearly the drunken orgies that many would have you believe.

So take a deep breath. And calm down.

Reassess after the trip.
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Old 7th February 2018, 3:26 PM   #3
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OP my take on this below is tough medicine and you probably won't like it. But, it is for your benefit.

Any advice to chill out and relax ignores that there is a much MUCH more fundamental problem here....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Donohuek11 View Post
Hello everyone, I’ve never posted on here but I need some advice. So I am an 18 year old, I met this girl in September I have never seen her in person but over months we grew extremely close. Now we are technically dating and plan on meeting in July. My problem is, in May she is going on a trip with a group of friends 7 of them being guys and 9 of them girls. They are all going to stay at a house in Panama City Florida for a week. They will obviously be drinking and smoking. I know she won’t smoke because she is so not like that but she has never really been drunk before and i am worried she will cheat. She tells me not to worry and that she won’t drink that much. But sometimes I feel she can be pressured into things easily. I trust her but it’s so close to us meeting and I am scared of her getting drunk and making a stupid mistake. I told her how I feel and she doesn’t blame me. Again, she tells me she’d never cheat because she’d feel horrible but it’s a full week with alcohol and guys and that scares me.

If you and she never even met in person yet, then you and she don't really have a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.

I understand that this sounds harsh and that you are quite young, but this is a truth that you need to get. How is this even sustainable. Both of you have needs--needs that you can't fulfil in each other being so far away. She also likely has guys hitting on her already. Guys she sees in person, every day, who may or may not even be going on this trip with her. Meanwhile you yourself are missing out by not dating someone you can actually see in person. Someone you can do stuff with on a day-to-day basis.

Not to mention that you and she have about NO idea if you'd actually have in-person chemistry. Nevermind that the two of you text, talk on the phone, even Skype--it's much different when you are face-to-face.

I'd let all of the above sink in, because this upcoming trip is going to just be one issue of many going forward. I'd either find a way to bridge the distance gap and see each other in person regularly*, or give up on the idea of the two of you being boyfriend-girlfriend altogether.

*You said you and she will see each other in July. July is 5 months away! That is much too far into the future.
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Old 7th February 2018, 4:29 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by Imajerk17 View Post
OP my take on this below is tough medicine and you probably won't like it. But, it is for your benefit.

Any advice to chill out and relax ignores that there is a much MUCH more fundamental problem here....




If you and she never even met in person yet, then you and she don't really have a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.

I understand that this sounds harsh and that you are quite young, but this is a truth that you need to get. How is this even sustainable. Both of you have needs--needs that you can't fulfil in each other being so far away. She also likely has guys hitting on her already. Guys she sees in person, every day, who may or may not even be going on this trip with her. Meanwhile you yourself are missing out by not dating someone you can actually see in person. Someone you can do stuff with on a day-to-day basis.

Not to mention that you and she have about NO idea if you'd actually have in-person chemistry. Nevermind that the two of you text, talk on the phone, even Skype--it's much different when you are face-to-face.

I'd let all of the above sink in, because this upcoming trip is going to just be one issue of many going forward. I'd either find a way to bridge the distance gap and see each other in person regularly*, or give up on the idea of the two of you being boyfriend-girlfriend altogether.

*You said you and she will see each other in July. July is 5 months away! That is much too far into the future.
We plan on being able to be with each other regularly in the next year and a half.
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Old 7th February 2018, 5:00 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by Donohuek11 View Post
We plan on being able to be with each other regularly in the next year and a half.
How regularly? Will you two be moving close to each other? What is the long range plan?

The truth is, you don't really know her. You know her online persona. Until you interact with someone, in flesh and blood, see how they live their lives etc, you won't really know some.

I know that sounds harsh, but these things very rarely work out, the expectations and fantasies, the visions you create in your head often do not match reality.
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Old 7th February 2018, 5:02 PM   #6
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I concur with the above. You do not have a girlfriend, nor do you even know if that will happen. I say this as someone who has previously gotten to know three girls for a few months via text / Skype etc. prior to meeting. Two of them worked out and one did not - instant lack of chemistry within 1 minute of meeting each other despite that we got on extremely well pre-meet. Even in the cases where they worked out, they were not the same in person as they were at a distance, and it was almost like starting from the beginning. This is because when you have never met someone you develop a strong mental image that isn't necessarily too close to the reality.

The first thing you should do is realise that you do not have "feelings" for this girl. You have "feelings" for that mental image. Once you know that, you can allow her to take the back burner (emotionally) until this meeting happens.

I fear that you are already too far gone for that, but perhaps you can at least prepare yourself mentally for the possibility that this won't work out. If it does work out then great - you lost nothing by applying the brakes a little on your emotional attachment in this early stage.

Note that I haven't even mentioned the house party. That's because, as one poster above me has pointed out, it is completely irrelevant at this stage. July is ages away, and you're not planning regular meets until "within a year and a half". Just about anything could happen in that time, and you should accept that.
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Old 7th February 2018, 5:18 PM   #7
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Sadly, far gone is an understatement... Ik I have not seen her in person we obviously skype all the time. Although I do not have that chemistry with her I do feel we have a strong “emotional bond” we both are very hopeful for the future and if everything goes well I could transfer to her school (I got to a cc right now that’s why I am willing)
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