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How to tell you are in love?


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 30th January 2018, 7:59 PM   #1
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How to tell you are in love?

Dear All, after all the trials and tribulations that love brought in LDrelationship, as well as non-LD once, I feel calmer and better and yet something got me extremely worried. After being very disappointed and confused two times in my previous relationships, something changed in me: I stopped recognising if I can ever love someone again. I even don't recognise this feeling anymore. I feel like I left my love, engagement and the conviction that "he is the person I want to be with" together with my previous relationship and I have no more love left to give to anyone else in the future. Is it possible? I have no idea what happened and if it's normal. I wanted to ask if you possibly experienced something similar and how did you overcome it?

Also, is it possible that one can became suddenly deprived of this feeling of love? (I mean "romantic love" here, precisely). Is it something that I need time to grow fully whole again? I still dream about a true, satisfying relationship and I would like to give a lot to another person. Just suddenly, after this chain of unhappy events, I feel like there is no love left in me and I desperately search for the reasons. I feel much better, mentally, but I discovered this feeling missing. I discovered this change since there are colleagues in my workplace who recently gave me some signs of interest in dating with me, and then I have realised that I even can't tell how I feel. It never happened before. Therefore, I was very unresponsive and, on the whole, answered in the negative. I even feel incapable of telling what I feel about them, apart from the fact that they are very nice and helpful as my workmates and I really appreciate it. I wonder that perhaps the feeling of "love" disappears when we have to heal the wounds and spend time with ourselves, but I'm so worried if this feeling will ever come back and how I will be sure that I love the person when this person will appear? In the past I could plainly feel this "gut" feeling and knew whether I would like to date with someone seriously or not date at all. Now, it's all blurry. Do you have similar experiences? Thank you so much everyone!
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Old 30th January 2018, 10:50 PM   #2
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Interesting question, though I think it has been asked many times in general.
Honestly I don't know the reply personally either. I have no definition of being in love, and so far no experience in a relationship. But, I did have quite a number of times feeling of crush (how ironically), and once or two I did feel something with a certain people. A kind of emotion or vibration to the whole body, that feeling. I am, up to now, not sure is it "chemistry" or "love" or "lust" or whatever people call it is. Nevertheless, I believe the most important of "love" is the feel of calm and peacefulness when you are with a person you love. That's for the long term. Not any fancy feelings.
Just my 2 cents. And I want to read the sharing from others on this as well.
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Old 30th January 2018, 11:02 PM   #3
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I think I've only witnessed true love, once in my life.

Many years ago, in my youth, I worked with a guy who was married to his wife for 25 years. I think his name was John. Everyday, he would watch the clock and count down the minutes to go home to be with his wife.

One day I asked him about it and he told me he just couldn't wait to get home to his wife. He hated being away from her and loved every minute with her. John told me "Plain and simple, I love my wife"

I guess after 25 years, if you still cherish every minute with that person, it must be true love.

I can only assume its out there for all of us. This gentleman, John, was just lucky enough to find her, 25 years ago.

This is just my working theory, feel free to disagree.
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Old 31st January 2018, 3:20 AM   #4
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Hi Cathy,

After bad experiences, it's sort of normal that just the idea of dating again turns you off. You seem to feel numb or "meh" about anyone around you.

I think when the right one comes your way, you'll be interested again.

Don't jump into dating guys now. Let some time go by. But keep being social: don't avoid parties, dinners with groups of people, etc.
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Old 31st January 2018, 4:48 AM   #5
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when you are ready to love all the positive feelings you have towards someone and good emotions and the good times you plan to have overwhelm the negative thoughts....when and if you find true love you will know......any negative thoughts dont matter...the flaws don't matter you accept them as they are ......you love them anyway.....

you dont want to be with anyone else...and no one else...matters.....you enjoy their company you enjoy the quiet times and the loud the good and the bad ...you can handle them all...because the person by your side ....loves you as you love them and you face everything together..you and that person against the world... joy and sadness..success and failure......that to me is true love....when and if you have to fail..you would prefer failure than success prefer sadness over joy..if its to be failure with the one you love .or sadness with the one you love...for you that is success and ultimately that sadness ...is your joy.....because you are experiencing true love...and that is a blessing......deb
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Last edited by todreaminblue; 31st January 2018 at 4:50 AM..
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Old 31st January 2018, 4:32 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by justanickname View Post
Interesting question, though I think it has been asked many times in general.
Honestly I don't know the reply personally either. I have no definition of being in love, and so far no experience in a relationship. But, I did have quite a number of times feeling of crush (how ironically), and once or two I did feel something with a certain people. A kind of emotion or vibration to the whole body, that feeling. I am, up to now, not sure is it "chemistry" or "love" or "lust" or whatever people call it is. Nevertheless, I believe the most important of "love" is the feel of calm and peacefulness when you are with a person you love. That's for the long term. Not any fancy feelings.
Just my 2 cents. And I want to read the sharing from others on this as well.
Justanickname, thank you! It's so apt and i like your statement that love should offer peace and calmness. Your opinion really made some things much clearer and helped me to redefine the feeling of love.
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Old 31st January 2018, 4:40 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Happy Lemming View Post
I think I've only witnessed true love, once in my life.

Many years ago, in my youth, I worked with a guy who was married to his wife for 25 years. I think his name was John. Everyday, he would watch the clock and count down the minutes to go home to be with his wife.

One day I asked him about it and he told me he just couldn't wait to get home to his wife. He hated being away from her and loved every minute with her. John told me "Plain and simple, I love my wife"

I guess after 25 years, if you still cherish every minute with that person, it must be true love.

I can only assume its out there for all of us. This gentleman, John, was just lucky enough to find her, 25 years ago.

This is just my working theory, feel free to disagree.

HappyLemming, thank you for your contribution. This is the most beautiful, enchanting story I have ever heard about-the simplest, yet the fullest definition of love. I would love to share this beautiful feeling one day-hurrying back home just to see this most special person, regardless of the years passing by.
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Old 31st January 2018, 4:45 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by justwhoiam View Post
Hi Cathy,

After bad experiences, it's sort of normal that just the idea of dating again turns you off. You seem to feel numb or "meh" about anyone around you.

I think when the right one comes your way, you'll be interested again.

Don't jump into dating guys now. Let some time go by. But keep being social: don't avoid parties, dinners with groups of people, etc.
Justwhoiam, thank you for your reassurance that things are not wrong with me. Indeed, it feels like being numb, completely, but perhaps this feeling is yet to come back one day. Indeed, you are right that it is still important to stay among people. I just cannot define my emotions towards anyone anymore, but I feel so happy being among my colleagues.
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Old 31st January 2018, 4:49 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by todreaminblue View Post
when you are ready to love all the positive feelings you have towards someone and good emotions and the good times you plan to have overwhelm the negative thoughts....when and if you find true love you will know......any negative thoughts dont matter...the flaws don't matter you accept them as they are ......you love them anyway.....

you dont want to be with anyone else...and no one else...matters.....you enjoy their company you enjoy the quiet times and the loud the good and the bad ...you can handle them all...because the person by your side ....loves you as you love them and you face everything together..you and that person against the world... joy and sadness..success and failure......that to me is true love....when and if you have to fail..you would prefer failure than success prefer sadness over joy..if its to be failure with the one you love .or sadness with the one you love...for you that is success and ultimately that sadness ...is your joy.....because you are experiencing true love...and that is a blessing......deb
Todreaminblue, so accurate! Thank you! Beautiful words. So, it should be a person without whom we cannot do and who is constantly in our thoughts, with whom we want to be each day. Your thoughts and definition truly helped me and I really agree.
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