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Keys to Making a Long Distance Relationship Work


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 21st January 2018, 6:36 AM   #1
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Keys to Making a Long Distance Relationship Work

Hi, we've been apart for 5 mo now before that we were together for 1.5 year. I'm starting to miss how things were in person a lot. The need for physical contact also makes me frustrated. The time difference makes even calling time less per day but we're able to talk everyday. Sometimes I just lose hope because right now there's no possibility of me heading there or him coming here. What helps?
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Old 21st January 2018, 4:56 PM   #2
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What helped me was knowing there was an end in sight. What do you mean there is no possibility right now? What about next year? We were apart because I had to finish my degree. We also go to see each other periodically.

If you talk everyday that is good. Can you Skype or face time? That might help.

What will you have to do to be able to see each other again? Can you meet in the middle?

Don't forget about snail mail as a way to keep in touch. Hand written letters are more tangible than an email.
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Old 21st January 2018, 6:04 PM   #3
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We have been together 2 years and apart for 5 months. We get to see each other about every six weeks and have a regularly scheduled Skype call that is sacrosanct. We don't cancel or reschedule. I don't know if I could handle it at all without that. No way could I handle not having prospects of being together.

Even then I find myself being tempted by a very attractive woman (smoking hot, tall, long legged, good dancer, adorable foreign accent) who is actually here where I live. I am afraid if I don't remove myself from the situation I will eventually give in. She knows I'm engaged and has met my fiancée on one of her trips up to see me. But just won't stop flirting with me. She'll back off when I ask. But it doesn't last long. She sometimes sends me drunk messages on Facebook. She doesn't have my number. She Love bombs me and flatters me. I have the most beautiful eyes she has ever seen, etc. Says she doesn't understand how my fiancée could leave such an amazing man for a job. She would never move away if a man offered her the most precious gift of all, love. She'd wait tables if she had to in order to stay with him. Basically telling me all the ways she would be better than her. Told me she wasn't just crushing on me but was starting to fall in love with me. When I told her I wasn't going to sleep with her. She pretended to be offended. She said she doesn't sleep with someone that belongs to another woman. Well, who knows? But she sure does try hard to entice him away from his relationship. I'm sure if I left, after a few months I'd be regretting it. Attraction is fleeting. I am going to have to stop going to the club I've been going to for years. She's fairly new. Unfair. But it's life.
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Old 21st January 2018, 6:59 PM   #4
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Not sure if your next thread will appear in the infidelity section or the breakup section first.
p.s. I think my bf would feel insulted if someone told him he has the most beautiful eyes. Don't get me wrong, he is very good looking.

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Originally Posted by Jj66 View Post
We have been together 2 years and apart for 5 months. We get to see each other about every six weeks and have a regularly scheduled Skype call that is sacrosanct. We don't cancel or reschedule. I don't know if I could handle it at all without that. No way could I handle not having prospects of being together.

Even then I find myself being tempted by a very attractive woman (smoking hot, tall, long legged, good dancer, adorable foreign accent) who is actually here where I live. I am afraid if I don't remove myself from the situation I will eventually give in. She knows I'm engaged and has met my fiancée on one of her trips up to see me. But just won't stop flirting with me. She'll back off when I ask. But it doesn't last long. She sometimes sends me drunk messages on Facebook. She doesn't have my number. She Love bombs me and flatters me. I have the most beautiful eyes she has ever seen, etc. Says she doesn't understand how my fiancée could leave such an amazing man for a job. She would never move away if a man offered her the most precious gift of all, love. She'd wait tables if she had to in order to stay with him. Basically telling me all the ways she would be better than her. Told me she wasn't just crushing on me but was starting to fall in love with me. When I told her I wasn't going to sleep with her. She pretended to be offended. She said she doesn't sleep with someone that belongs to another woman. Well, who knows? But she sure does try hard to entice him away from his relationship. I'm sure if I left, after a few months I'd be regretting it. Attraction is fleeting. I am going to have to stop going to the club I've been going to for years. She's fairly new. Unfair. But it's life.
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Old 22nd January 2018, 12:26 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by carabianca View Post
Hi, we've been apart for 5 mo now before that we were together for 1.5 year. I'm starting to miss how things were in person a lot. The need for physical contact also makes me frustrated. The time difference makes even calling time less per day but we're able to talk everyday. Sometimes I just lose hope because right now there's no possibility of me heading there or him coming here. What helps?
Could you expand on the bolded, OP? Why not?

Unfortunately the possibility of closing the distance after some time is one of the main keys to making a LDR work. I've heard of a few genuine LDRs working without one, but they are VERY few and far in between. Aside from that, regular communication (voice and if possible webcam), regular visits, doing whatever you can to speak your partner's love language even from a distance (e.g. sending gifts in the mail).

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Originally Posted by Jj66 View Post

Even then I find myself being tempted by a very attractive woman (smoking hot, tall, long legged, good dancer, adorable foreign accent) who is actually here where I live. I am afraid if I don't remove myself from the situation I will eventually give in. She knows I'm engaged and has met my fiancée on one of her trips up to see me. But just won't stop flirting with me. She'll back off when I ask. But it doesn't last long. She sometimes sends me drunk messages on Facebook. She doesn't have my number. She Love bombs me and flatters me. I have the most beautiful eyes she has ever seen, etc. Says she doesn't understand how my fiancée could leave such an amazing man for a job. She would never move away if a man offered her the most precious gift of all, love. She'd wait tables if she had to in order to stay with him. Basically telling me all the ways she would be better than her. Told me she wasn't just crushing on me but was starting to fall in love with me. When I told her I wasn't going to sleep with her. She pretended to be offended. She said she doesn't sleep with someone that belongs to another woman. Well, who knows? But she sure does try hard to entice him away from his relationship. I'm sure if I left, after a few months I'd be regretting it. Attraction is fleeting. I am going to have to stop going to the club I've been going to for years. She's fairly new. Unfair. But it's life.
If you left to be with this woman, chances are you'd be regretting it after a few DAYS when she's flirting with the hot guy in front of you in the club and telling him she loves him, lol. If she doesn't respect your relationship now, what makes you think she'd respect your relationship when she's in it?
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Old 22nd January 2018, 1:22 PM   #6
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What helps?
Frequent flyer miles and using them.

Having a plan to eventually be together permanently and actively working it.
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Old 22nd January 2018, 1:24 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Elswyth View Post

If you left to be with this woman, chances are you'd be regretting it after a few DAYS when she's flirting with the hot guy in front of you in the club and telling him she loves him, lol. If she doesn't respect your relationship now, what makes you think she'd respect your relationship when she's in it?
Of course she wouldn't. She sent me another message last night. I told her to go away and stay away then I blocked her.
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Old 26th January 2018, 8:17 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by carabianca View Post
right now there's no possibility of me heading there or him coming here
How come? If you can explain.
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Old 26th January 2018, 8:39 AM   #9
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Frequent flyer miles and using them.

Having a plan to eventually be together permanently and actively working it.
Been there. Done that. I married her. Divorced her. Now reconciling with HER! What a merry-go-round!

It is absolutely non-negotiable in a LDR, in my opinion, with regards to having A PLAN to ultimately be together AND find the means to visit as frequently as possible while working on the aforementioned plan.
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Old 28th January 2018, 2:10 PM   #10
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Constant communication helps. Talk things out and meet in between. If you two love each other learn to comprise and try to make time to at least visit each other. If it's not going to happen now? When will be? You might just lose the other person.
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