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Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 12th February 2018, 1:03 PM   #31
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You are conflicted.

Ask yourself this question; if what you have with this man right now/today is as good as it will ever be, is it good enough? Warts and all.

If yes, then you need to buck up and deal with the situation and him and focus on all the good you have rather than the bad.

If no, then it's time for you to make a move and if that means pulling the plug on this relationship, then so be it.

You can't possibly move forward in any relationship, never mind a LD one, where you're constantly bickering and battling over the same obstacles over and over again. Something has to give and if he's not willing to give in and you're at the point where you're about to stop giving in than it's time to end this.

Good luck.
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Old 12th February 2018, 1:50 PM   #32
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This is about way more then just the distance.


Make the pros & cons list: reasons to stay with him vs reasons to break up. See what you learn from that.
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Old 12th February 2018, 2:55 PM   #33
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I actually did a pros/cons list and well they came out even. Initially the cons was more but my mom of all people gave me a few pros.
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Old 12th February 2018, 3:03 PM   #34
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Then try to understand that a grown man does not want to spend time under the same roof as his GF's mother. When you go to him, you have privacy. When he comes to you, he's going to Her house where you happen to live. If you lived alone & he was still giving you grief about driving up to you, that would be a different. I really don't see him not wanting to come to you as him insisting that you "cow tow" to him.
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Old 12th February 2018, 4:01 PM   #35
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Well I get free hotel stays at a casino Sunday through Thursday, so it's not like the whole time we'd be at mom's house. She's yelling at me for driving down too much in my old car with 200K miles on it. Which I've had to repair 3 times in the last month from driving down so much. But he really does complain about privacy. I don't mind going down there really, it's just I get so much flack from my mom and I was broke lately so I didn't go. I was also getting run down from traveling so much so I opted to stay home but still he begged me all weekend to come down which I didn't do because I honestly said every other and I mean every other, that's more than I can afford the way it is.

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Old 14th February 2018, 10:30 AM   #36
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We broke up

There is no compromising with him and well to me that's not love so we are done.
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Old 14th February 2018, 2:45 PM   #37
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Sorry to hear that on one hand because BUs are never pleasant. However, you sound confident in your decision & there has been a great deal of conflict between you lately.


I got dumped on V-day in college so the timing sucks but in the end I suspect you will be at peace with the decision.
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Old 14th February 2018, 2:46 PM   #38
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Sorry to hear, but I also believe it was the right decision. Be kind to yourself today.
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Old 15th February 2018, 2:18 PM   #39
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Not coping well

I sent him a text about how much I love and miss him, it's been a day. I saw a facebook video of my ex the con and our wedding day as a memory. Reminded me how much better of a guy he is and I've been in a tailspin of emotions. He hasn't responded to my text so for him I'm history I'm sure. I'm just really hoping he needs time to think about the few things I said in there. But that's probably far fetched. I really love him a lot. I know we have our problems and none of them have been resolved yet. But I don't want to be without him.
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Old 15th February 2018, 2:30 PM   #40
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I feel your pain, as I am doing the same thing too. Its brutal and painful and really sucks, especially after Valentine's Day last night. I almost gave in myself and sent her a message but instead found a way to channel my desire from communicating with her into something else. (Granted the "something else" was stupid and involved me listening to music on my phone on my motorcycle really fast on the freeway for a few hours, but I digress....) But this morning, I took an early morning hike and tried to find ways to feel grateful for the freedom I now have to dig deeper into myself and for the gift of being on planet earth (as corny as this all sounds, it actually is the best medicine I think). Its easy to say but hard to do, but find ways to make yourself feel better and look to yourself for validation of who you are and why you are okay. I'm reading a book "Coming Apart: Why Relationships End" by Daphne Rose Kingma which has been helpful for me and has given me at least some sort of direction on how to process my feelings. Hope its helpful and best of luck.
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Old 15th February 2018, 2:34 PM   #41
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Kristen

You didn't really BU with him in the heat of the moment. This was a long time coming. You have been having difficulties with him for a while. Your mom doesn't like him.

You are feeling vulnerable because the idea of being alone is depressing. You are making excuses & reminiscing about the good times because as bad as he is you fear that being with him is better than being alone especially because he's better than your really bad news EX.

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Old 15th February 2018, 4:29 PM   #42
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Well he responded by saying come down. I want to really bad, even if it's last time sex. Just because he's good and I'm worked up.
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Old 15th February 2018, 5:03 PM   #43
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You're setting yourself up for a painful fall...
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Old 15th February 2018, 5:12 PM   #44
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kristine View Post
Well he responded by saying come down. I want to really bad, even if it's last time sex. Just because he's good and I'm worked up.

oh wow no one can help you until you help yourself, and you don't appear to be doing that
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Old 15th February 2018, 6:03 PM   #45
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kristine View Post
Well he responded by saying come down. I want to really bad, even if it's last time sex. Just because he's good and I'm worked up.
Well, sometimes you have to learn the hard way. The aftermath may teach you that it just isn't worth it.
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