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Not moving yet, but


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 10th January 2018, 4:26 PM   #1
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Not moving yet, but

I'm kind of being pushed to his area, it's less costly, easier for me to get a job there than him up here. Mom doesn't want him "visiting" anymore and he doesn't want to either which leaves me doing the driving to him. He says he'll compensate me for gas. But I really don't want to be doing all the driving. He says he's moving up here, we decided to wait until spring or summer for a move. Than why am I the one who will be doing all the driving? He should be getting to know this area not the other way around.

My boss is being evaluated for his mental capacity to be a lawyer. So I may be out of a job anyway, and this job came easy but getting a job that works with me wasn't easy at all, and there's one down there that is willing to. He'd be more than happy to have me relocate to his place. My visits with my daughter right now are at a place halfway to his place, meeting at the parental liaison's office. Even still my mom is like are moving in with him? And says I didn't see my daughter that much when I did see her, I could work it out. I just don't know if I should admit defeat and say okay I'll move when I'm ready to move, or I should still try and get him up here?
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Old 10th January 2018, 5:56 PM   #2
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You were online dating in early October, which means you haven't been with this guy more than three months. Why on Earth are you even talking about moving in together? It's way too soon. In my opinion, you should be focused on your daughter and getting your life back on track.

And yes, you should not be doing all of the driving to see him. Either take turns visiting each other or start meeting halfway. If he doesn't want to see your mother and your mother doesn't want to see him, then the two of you need to go somewhere else when he visits you. Or you need to get your own place.
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Old 11th January 2018, 1:55 PM   #3
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I can't afford a place of my own right now, I'm catching up on medical bills and stuff. I'm on a wait list for housing but nothing can happen right now.
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Old 11th January 2018, 2:12 PM   #4
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You have known him for 3 months, and we're just posting how you are worried that he could be controlling.

You are considering moving hours away with an almost stranger, and you won't have a job.

If he starts being abusive - what will you do?

You are putting yourself in a very vulnerable position.

Why can't you get a better job that pays the bills?
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Old 11th January 2018, 4:00 PM   #5
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If you want to move to his area, move IF you can get your own housing & you have a job. Meaning, where you live is not as important as your ability to live independently. If you would not move to where he is if he didn't live there, moving is a bad idea because you aren't doing it for the right reasons. Never go from an LDR to living together. You need the buffer of your own place to date conventionally before making the commitment of living together.
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Old 11th January 2018, 4:12 PM   #6
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Good advice donnivain
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Old 11th January 2018, 5:59 PM   #7
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Well, I'm just simply going to say that it is far too early to even consider moving in with this man...
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Old 18th January 2018, 1:45 PM   #8
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We have been seeing each other every weekend.
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Old 18th January 2018, 3:03 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kristine View Post
We have been seeing each other every weekend.
So, you have seen each other even less than a couple living near each other would have.

Look, I moved REALLY fast with my then BF, now husband. We were both young, just starting out in life, and when he took a job 500 miles away, it made sense to move in together when I graduated college 6 months later.

For the first months of our dating we saw each other 3-4 days a week.

Then he moved, and for 3 months, I would stay with him Friday evening, through Sunday night 2-3 weekends a month. Once I graduated, I moved in with him. Moving in with him under this time line was FAST.

But, I had savings, I had a job, a good car, my sister and her husband had just moved to the same area - if things went south, I had options. I wouldn't be trapped.

So if you see him twice a month, and have been dating since... lets say November, so... you have spent what, 5-6 weekends with him?

And you are thinking about picking up, moving with him, without a job, without savings (do you have a running car?) - and living far from people you know.

This is RIPE to become a TERRIBLE situation. Again, you will be so vulnerable and dependent on a man you hardly know.

I can't tell you how many abuse situations start exactly like this.
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Old 18th January 2018, 4:53 PM   #10
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You misunderstood. I see him for the weekend every weekend. Some weekends are longer than others, he hates to leave or hates to see me go. We're spending a lot of time together and we talk daily, sometimes several times a day. We met in October and haven't missed a weekend since. However he got in a fight with my mom (whom I'm living with) and well that may put the damper on our weekends.
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Old 18th January 2018, 5:11 PM   #11
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soooo "we see each other every other weekend" didn't really mean that?

What about the other concerns here - how you will essentially become totally dependent on this man, and essentially at his mercy?

*personally I would NEVER give that kind of power to someone else*
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Old 18th January 2018, 6:10 PM   #12
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I would never move in with this man. Aside from the fact that you haven't known him long enough or spent enough time together to feel confident in your future...

I will never be dependent on a man. Never.
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Old 24th January 2018, 2:52 PM   #13
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He says he can get me a job. I do have money of my own. Only I have family, including my daughter up here, and though my mom says I could still see her it's not that far. I hesitate to relocate due to medical needs. He did say he would move up here, but down there is much cheaper. So he's undecided I think or really pushing to get me down by him. It's just too rustic for me. To far from life.
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Old 24th January 2018, 6:07 PM   #14
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What kind of advice are you looking for exactly, because it doesn't appear that you listen to anything anyone says...

Would I move somewhere far from life with a man I had just recently met, away from my mother and my daughter (who I am assuming doesn't live with you) when I had no job and few resources including medical services... Absolutely not.

It's too soon. You don't know this man. You need to get a job, support yourself, and take care of your daughter. Then... If you are still together in a year or two, consider moving in with this man.
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Old 25th January 2018, 2:55 PM   #15
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I have discussed it with a therapist and have listened to her. She suggested June and he readily agreed. Still have to discuss plans. I'm a planner.
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