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Go with the flow or How to start dialogue?


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 29th December 2017, 10:12 AM   #1
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Go with the flow or How to start dialogue?

Hello all. I'll do my best to be concise.

About 3-4 months ago I started dating a guy who I've grown to like a lot. I say "grown" to like more because we met of course based on the physical and I caught him giving me this incredibly long stare in public and I gave it right back... it's no question we find each other attractive.
  • Hmmm:
Dilemma right now is that I've just moved away and he seems to be acting wierd (more wierd than usual.e.g., asking round about questions to find out what or who I've been with,etc) recently since I told him I was moving and now that I have moved. I think we've always had a healthy amount of space and now I'm not sure if the space is healthy or counterproductive for either of our imaginations...

We love talking to and being around one another. We discuss our feelings and have recently started to share (discuss) more personal parts of our lives. However, we're both laid back individuals and don't always express what we're feeling or what we want. This to me, is throwing a monkey wrench in our relationship and makes me feel confused. Should I allow things to be as is and see what happens or should I initiate dialogue w/him to ask what he wants at this point since I moved and things seem different now? If so, what's the best way to start that dialogue?

Thanks for your feedback.
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Old 30th December 2017, 4:05 AM   #2
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Sounds like it would be a good time for a re-set.

Your situation has changed, sounds like you are both growing very fond of each other but his insecurities about the move are showing up. Insecurities such as he is displaying can become suffocating even at a distance.

Do you have plans to see each other soon?
If you do I would suggest he comes to visit you so he can see where you've living, the area, places you frequent.

At the same time though don't just make it a fun weekend as you need to have a talk and get a plan in place for reasonable contact which you both know you can sustain whilst still both having your own space and time to do the things you need to do to keep your lives ticking over.
Even down to the basics of volume of texting, what you text about, how often you call and see each other. Set out a plan which has flexibility but which fits in with both your schedules.
You could also give a little more detail about what you're doing and the new friends you're making so he feels a bit more involved.

Plan date nights too, you can watch movies together whilst on skype even.
It's all about boundaries, respect and consideration.

The last thing you want it to let this continue and for his insecurity to smother you or become controlling. Smothering turns off attraction and controlling behaviour can turn into emotional abuse (at least).

If you don't have a visit planned soon then talk about it over the phone. I wouldn't tell him you 'need to talk' just rather do it
GemmaUK is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th December 2017, 1:20 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GemmaUK View Post
Sounds like it would be a good time for a re-set.

Your situation has changed, sounds like you are both growing very fond of each other but his insecurities about the move are showing up. Insecurities such as he is displaying can become suffocating even at a distance.

Do you have plans to see each other soon?
If you do I would suggest he comes to visit you so he can see where you've living, the area, places you frequent.

At the same time though don't just make it a fun weekend as you need to have a talk and get a plan in place for reasonable contact which you both know you can sustain whilst still both having your own space and time to do the things you need to do to keep your lives ticking over.
Even down to the basics of volume of texting, what you text about, how often you call and see each other. Set out a plan which has flexibility but which fits in with both your schedules.
You could also give a little more detail about what you're doing and the new friends you're making so he feels a bit more involved.

Plan date nights too, you can watch movies together whilst on skype even.
It's all about boundaries, respect and consideration.

The last thing you want it to let this continue and for his insecurity to smother you or become controlling. Smothering turns off attraction and controlling behaviour can turn into emotional abuse (at least).

If you don't have a visit planned soon then talk about it over the phone. I wouldn't tell him you 'need to talk' just rather do it
Got ya. Thanks. Makes sense. I will keep all this in mind and try puting it into practice. I won't lie and say it'll be easy. We both have communicated that we're two laid back individuals, but we also know that we can't be too laid back ALL THE TIME. Otherwise we definitely won't get anywhere.

I appreciate your feedback though. Guess I'll wait and see if he contacts me once he resurfaces...
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