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Odd coping re: sorta LDR?

Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 30th September 2017, 11:26 AM   #1
MyOphelia's Avatar
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Location: New England
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Odd coping re: sorta LDR?

I'm in a marriage of over 15 years and it's been over and dead for years. I have CPTSD and I've been battling a number of physical and psychological issues that I needed to get taken care of before knowing that I could move on.

Fast forward, I've met with lawyers and basically can't afford the retainer, but finally found one that I can afford with a little bit of time.

I've been writing on a forum without disclosing personal information about myself, such as my age, marital status, even my sexuality has been ambiguous because I just wanted to escape and have fun and be entertained, and it worked.

I didn't count on it, but I actually "fell" for someone on this forum, who knows everything, and we're not "defining" anything, and we both know that this has to be me getting divorced before anything can ever become anything. And to be clear, I started this before joining the forum, and I am not getting this divorce for anyone but myself. It's an abusive marriage and I need out.

We usually have our LDR (whatever it is) with lots and lots of communication, but I've been ghosted from that to 1.5 days (which I know, isn't long) but we normally text and talk dozens of times each day. Now....nothing. Just nothing.

It doesn't impact me moving forward (because I've contacted my lawyer and have court filing fees set) and this other part of me is moving forward, but I need a place to vent, that I miss him. I liked how everything about him and how treated me, and I don't know why he'd ghost me like that.

Sure something could have happened, it hasn't been long, I've read enough posts. But....I also read where we all talk about communication and not ghosting, but explaining. I really thought I was dead and unable to "respond" (ya know?) to anyone because my marriage is not physical or emotional. So perhaps I'm just hurting from more than one type of withdrawal.

We agreed not to define things because I am not divorced and we have to look at ourselves in the mirror each day,...but this just hurts, and I'm feeling very hurt. Needed a safe place to vent and rant and cry a little I guess.
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Old 30th September 2017, 9:07 PM   #2
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well, 1.5 days is not a very long period. it's quite easy to fall for anybody online who spends time chatting, exchanging messages, flirting, or whatever... It;s in reality that things become different.
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Old 1st October 2017, 2:09 PM   #3
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The forum was just for fun and I never got on there to fall for anyone and in fact if I felt someone started to flirt with me I always redirected the conversation because I don't want that. What I *want* is to get through this divorce. So everything been platonic with everyone.

In fact, even with him, we never talked about sex, it was just lots of other stuff, and we even butted heads a lot in the beginning. There are people I've talked to a lot longer on forums, and I just don't "get it." So it was totally accidental.

It happened accidentally and over time, 7 months. But we got to the point where we were talking on the forum, PM-ing, texting, dozens of times a day all these months and then there was some event which occurred on the forum which had nothing to do with me (I don't think), but he cooled. He said he didn't cool, he's just angry (at a few other people).

So it's over 2 days, and I know that's basically no time, and I also understand that what we've had is emotional, until we meet in person, these things happen in our minds and aren't "real." I'm just saying that while I still talk with others, no one hit me like he did, even those who have tried harder and it's just the sudden ghosting without any explanation, coming from someone who has always gone above and beyond to make sure we always talk things through, including our misunderstandings.

It's just....weird.
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