He completely changed on me. Try or let it go?

[koncreterose]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. 2 in the same city and the last 3 years have been long distance. The last time we met up was really weird bc he barely spoke the whole weekend and when I said something about it, he said he was mad bc I never initiate things to do when we're together.

 

We talked about this for awhile when we got back to our homes and he decided that he doesn't want to do hotels anymore bc we don't do well in them. However hotels are our only way of seeing each other bc neither of us live on our own. So he was choosing not seeing each other over using a hotel which made no sense to me. I felt something else was going on.

 

So after an argument about that a week later, he finally admitted that he's been rethinking a lot of things in his life. He's having a difficult time finding an apartment and a job in his field and he just sounds despondent. He says he knows I want this future but he can't give me that right now and he doesn't know when he can. I asked if he still felt feelings about me and he said 'not as deeply as before.' And he doesn't know if he still wants the same things in the future that we've always talked about (marriage, family). But he loves me and he doesn't want to break up. I basically ended it with him at that point.

 

But I feel that his problem is more with him being unsure of his life's goals in general and depressed and our relationship just kinda fell into that pile with all the other stuff. I still love him but I don't know if I can continue a relationship where I love the other person more than they do me. Giving 100% when I don't think I'm getting that in return.

 

It's just so weird! How can a guy just randomly change on you with no trigger it seems? Sigh. It just sucks.

[Chilli]

l'm thinking it's the whole combo.

But he;'s not in a good place right now and a guy usually feels a lot of pressure having a serious gf in his sort of sitch too and it's very easy to lose heart or talk yourself out of it.

But 1st up , could you stay somewhere else when he comes ,l know it's expensive. But maybe something more real, homely , motels can be pretty crap.

When he comes next time that would really help.

Being long distance now too has also put a real damper on him , some people would give up from that alone.

 

He's just not feeling it as much right now but whether he'll bounce back when he gets on his feet , can't tell sorry.

l'd try not to make him feel pressured though.

Edited July 29, 2017 by Chilli

[elaine567]

It's just so weird! How can a guy just randomly change on you with no trigger it seems? Sigh. It just sucks.

 

There is always a trigger or a series of triggers.

5 years is a long time and as you are now long distance too, the bond that held you together got weakened along the way.

It may have happened anyway long distance or not.

People grow up, they start to view life differently, they realise they do not want to go along that well worn path any longer they see a new life for themselves, some do not want to be tied down, others want more commitment, they start looking at other people and they want what they want, they start moving away literally or metaphorically...

 

Here he sounds pressured by his lack of success, he probably just wants to jettison the excess baggage and that unfortunately means you. Maybe he is just fed up with not having someone to hold and have sex with every night, LDRs can be very hard and this one apparently does not have an obvious end in sight either.

I guess by walking away you made the job easier for him, he was no doubt about to dump you sooner or later.

[BluEyeL]

Many men feel they can't think of serious relationships, family and children until they are successful and stable . Career defines men.

 

I am sorry this happened to you but breaking up is for the best. You don't want to be married to someone like this and he dumps you later when his career is still not in track, after years of making you miserable with his depression, like it happened to me. Grieve and then move on and find someone who is already stable in his career and is looking to get his personal life on track.