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LDR, but I find her unattractive?


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Sir Wigglesworth

We met in a gaming group online about eight months ago. We, among other members of our group, talked to each other over voice chat quite a bit, so I gradually got to know her. About two weeks ago, I realized I really liked her. I admire how hard she works, we make each other laugh, and spending time with her is always enjoyable. I told her, and she said she felt the same way, so we decided to try a long distance relationship and just see where things went.

 

Since then, we've tried using video calls like Skype. This was the first time I had really seen her, and I immediately realized I did not find her attractive. She is more than a little overweight, and has buck teeth. I don't know what to do. I had hoped, if things happened to turn out well, that after a while I could move closer to her or vice versa. I value both physical and emotional intimacy in relationships, but I just cannot picture myself being physically intimate with her.

 

Her friendship is still very important to me and I don't want to end up never speaking to her again. I am considering encouraging her to work out. I'm thin myself but don't have a lot of muscle mass, perhaps we could both get more fit together? But, the relationship is really only 2 weeks old so I am not sure suggesting that would be appropriate. Should I end it and just try to be friends, or stay with her?

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CautiouslyOptimistic

This is a no-brainer. You're not attracted. Don't ask her to change (i.e. work out/lose weight) in order to be with you. That never works. Just be honest with her and tell her you would rather just remain friends. Being long distance, you have plenty of reason to come to this decision without having to hurt her feelings/self esteem.

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You should not have gotten into a LDR with someone you never met in person... this was bound to happen.

 

 

Just let her off easy, don't hurt her feelings or try to change her. You kinda screwed the pooch on this one

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ExpatInItaly

This is why it's a very bad idea to agree to be in a relationship with someone you've never met. You don't know what you're getting yourself into and it's a fantasy.

 

You need to break it off. You can't force yourself to find her attractive, and it's not fair to try to change her. Let her know that long-distance is too tall of an order for you and that this won't work.

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Its easy enough to say that you really dont want a LDR, but you still want to stay friends and play whatever games you are playing. And then keep all conversations friendly;do not get into relationshp mode at all. Dont lead her on.

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We met in a gaming group online about eight months ago. We, among other members of our group, talked to each other over voice chat quite a bit, so I gradually got to know her. About two weeks ago, I realized I really liked her. I admire how hard she works, we make each other laugh, and spending time with her is always enjoyable. I told her, and she said she felt the same way, so we decided to try a long distance relationship and just see where things went.

 

Since then, we've tried using video calls like Skype. This was the first time I had really seen her, and I immediately realized I did not find her attractive. She is more than a little overweight, and has buck teeth. I don't know what to do. I had hoped, if things happened to turn out well, that after a while I could move closer to her or vice versa. I value both physical and emotional intimacy in relationships, but I just cannot picture myself being physically intimate with her.

 

Her friendship is still very important to me and I don't want to end up never speaking to her again. I am considering encouraging her to work out. I'm thin myself but don't have a lot of muscle mass, perhaps we could both get more fit together? But, the relationship is really only 2 weeks old so I am not sure suggesting that would be appropriate. Should I end it and just try to be friends, or stay with her?

 

Muscle mass you have to eat more to get that and to give your muscle some room to grown. She'll never want to loose the weight, that's her buddy the weight. Buck teeth that's not so important. You put that up as that. If you want her to be thin she'll take 6 months to a year of heavy work outs. Or she can get the operation to make her stomach feel smaller.

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somanymistakes

This isn't even a matter of 'don't get into relationships with people you haven't met', this is "Don't suggest DATING to someone you haven't even seen a PICTURE OF."

 

You're lucky that she turned out to be an average gamer girl (that is, mildly unattractive by popular standards). She could have turned out to be 13, or 65, or a guy, or all kinds of other things.

 

Please do not try to 'fix' her, that will go badly. You need to do more work on yourself before you get into any kind of relationship. Admit that you made a mistake and rushed into things too quickly, and really only want to be friends.

 

In the future, don't let yourself get so carried away with fantasies with no grounding in reality! There's nothing wrong with meeting people online but you should not start planning 'We can move closer together! And then get married and have babies!' with people you don't even know.

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One post wonder, if the OP comes back and wants the thread re-opened then alert on my post and we will do so, thanks all

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