linhn0507 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 We have been dating for 5 years since my first yr in college. We're both 23 and graduated. He lives in Canada and I live in the U.S. He is a very nice and sweet guy and I love him alot but the thing that bother me the most is he still hasn't have a steady job yet. Through out his college life, he took different jobs: waiter, labor but since it affected his grades in school so he quitted. By then, I went to school full time, did internship, and work part-time on the weekends. I worked 7 days in every summer because I want to save money and plan future with him. He got diploma in Civil Engineer (2 yrs college degree) and got a seasonal job after 1 yr of searching (about the time I graduated). The company laid him off in the winter and he's still looking for one. I told him to go get bachelor degree but he said since his gpa was so low, he needs to upgrade his gpa before applying to university (college system in Canada is different from the U.S). I have already found the job right after graduating but I'm so stressed out about his unemployment. I told him to move to the U.S. he said no bc he wants to prove to me that he can take care of me. Now he says he wants to start up his own coffee/ice cream business. I see his effort in looking for job and his promise to take care of me once he has money. I'm financially independent so I don't need his money, I'm just feeling insecure in this relationship. I mean we're been together long enought to move to the next step. I'm so exhausted of being with him and almost broke up with him so many times. I don't want to be a bitch breaking up with a boyfriend in his difficult time. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
lostinlove85 Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 why is money an issue with you. im curious to know. if you love him you would support him and his endeavors. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 Exactly , wth are you worried about you won't be getting married or buying houses or having kids anytime soon. He's done his courses and has ideas , he'll find his feet one way or another before long. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 I disagree with the others. Emigration and closing the distance requires money, a substantial amount of it. If he's unemployed, you're going to be in an open-ended LDR until he fixes things. How long are you willing to wait? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 Does he have funding for the business? A business like that is going to have a lot of start up costs and will be a good few years most likely before it runs into profit. It's also more than a full time job hours wise to take on something like that. Weekend work will be crucial. Do you have another 5 years to wait until he could afford a manager to run the place? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 You need to make an honest list of pros & cons. What are the upsides to staying with him? What are the downsides? When you make that list & answer the old Ann Landers' question: "Are you better off with him or without him?" You will know what to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 I live in the U.S. But where are you from? Link to post Share on other sites
fooloflove Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 If ur bf is starting up a business just let him, and support him. Dont say harsh things to make him feel bad about not able to support you, because guy's ego is sky high. I know it's hard and u feel insecure, think of it in a good way, he is doing what he like and owning a business. U have to respect what he choose to do for a living. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 2 year degree, low grades, poor work history. Your BF has low motivation to succeed in life. Add the LDR and I don't understand why you are wasting your time. Link to post Share on other sites
Chris516 Posted March 19, 2017 Share Posted March 19, 2017 We have been dating for 5 years since my first yr in college. We're both 23 and graduated. He lives in Canada and I live in the U.S. He is a very nice and sweet guy and I love him alot but the thing that bother me the most is he still hasn't have a steady job yet. Through out his college life, he took different jobs: waiter, labor but since it affected his grades in school so he quitted. By then, I went to school full time, did internship, and work part-time on the weekends. I worked 7 days in every summer because I want to save money and plan future with him. He got diploma in Civil Engineer (2 yrs college degree) and got a seasonal job after 1 yr of searching (about the time I graduated). The company laid him off in the winter and he's still looking for one. I told him to go get bachelor degree but he said since his gpa was so low, he needs to upgrade his gpa before applying to university (college system in Canada is different from the U.S). I have already found the job right after graduating but I'm so stressed out about his unemployment. I told him to move to the U.S. he said no bc he wants to prove to me that he can take care of me. Now he says he wants to start up his own coffee/ice cream business. I see his effort in looking for job and his promise to take care of me once he has money. I'm financially independent so I don't need his money, I'm just feeling insecure in this relationship. I mean we're been together long enough to move to the next step. I'm so exhausted of being with him and almost broke up with him so many times. I don't want to be a bitch breaking up with a boyfriend in his difficult time. What should I do? Was he laid off due to any economic reasons affecting the company? How did you ask him to move to the U.S.? Link to post Share on other sites
Author linhn0507 Posted March 20, 2017 Author Share Posted March 20, 2017 Was he laid off due to any economic reasons affecting the company? How did you ask him to move to the U.S.? Well he told me Canada is going through the recession right now so it's hard to look for job. To answer your question, the only way he can move to the U.S. is I get married with him and sponsor him. I've been with him for 5 yrs so I really want to close the distance. Since I already have a steady job and U.S. has more jobs opportunity in his major, I told him to move to the U.S. He wants me to move to Canada and think he can take care of me but I can't at least for now since he has no job and not even start his business idea yet. He needs to save more money to run a business. Link to post Share on other sites
Author linhn0507 Posted March 20, 2017 Author Share Posted March 20, 2017 Does he have funding for the business? A business like that is going to have a lot of start up costs and will be a good few years most likely before it runs into profit. It's also more than a full time job hours wise to take on something like that. Weekend work will be crucial. Do you have another 5 years to wait until he could afford a manager to run the place? yeah i know it requires a lot of money to start a business and he doesn't have enough. He will partner up with his friends and they all still try to save more money now. I'm asking myself that question too if l can wait for him to be successful or maybe not in couple more years... But thanks for your response. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 Canada's job market is on par with most of the other OECD countries. I wouldn't buy into that so quickly if I were you. If you sponsor his immigration, along with the associated fees, AFAIK YOU will be responsible for him financially for the next X years. If he doesn't get a job, you will be expected to support him because that was the duty you legally signed up for as a sponsor, and he will not be eligible for any form of government assistance. Granted, I don't live in the US so others might have more details on this, but I have migrated to two countries as a partner and this was the case in both. This is why the sponsor needs to prove their income/assets/savings to a satisfactory level before the visa is approved. Given his history, this might be a distinct possibility - is this something you are willing to do? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 Canada is not and was not in recession. Where is he from... like what Province? I think it's a bit much to tell someone to get a bachelors degree just because you want him to. Seasonal workers collect unemployment in Canada and usually the pay is still decent. Is he getting that? Has he considered military in Canada? It's a great career here with high pay. Also, a civil engineer in Canada can get a job pretty much anywhere in this country. How much time do you spend together? Not online but in person? Could it be possible he is lying because he is not what he says? Maybe he thinks you are after money and doesn't want to let on what money he actually has? Link to post Share on other sites
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