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Haven't heard from long distance GF


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Hi everyone. I've been texting/talking/video chatting with this girl for about 7 weeks now and things have been great (I met her online, I am 23, she is 24 and we both work full time). She is 10 hours behind me which is challenging but we have been making it work. I'm aware that the common view is that it's not a proper relationship until you actually see the person essentially. I decided to book a flight to see her in London (I'm from Australia) as I had holidays coming up in May and I wanted to see her.

 

We last spoke for about 3 hours on Sunday via video chat. She said she would call me at 6am my time on Monday (everything seemed fine during the chat, we were talking about booking some activities for when I see her I can't think of any signs there was a problem in the slightest). It is now Saturday morning and I have not heard anything from her since and I am becoming concerned. She has a couple of family members that have recently become sick (dad and baby cousin) and she has mentioned in the past she is the type to go silent when dealing with certain things like this (major life stuff). I've sent a couple of keeping in touch messages in the meantime and tried calling but I wanted to see what others think.

 

Am I just over thinking things? And when should I start to actually worry? I trust her and don't think she would do this intentionally but it is really making me wrack my brain ! If something had changed with us I believe she would tell me as we have a really open dialogue. I am well aware you can only know someone to a certain extent through online only but this has really blindsided me. The only change I've seen is her WhatsApp profile picture is now an image of a barcode and it has "no feelings" underneath it. I'm the type to overthink things so I'm not sure what my best course of action is regarding all this.

 

Thanks for your help.

 

L.

Edited by lpede5
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It's been 7 weeks of online fantasy.

 

She got bored, met someone in real life, or just isn't interested. Had you mentioned you were getting ready to meet her?

 

Someone who cares won't go a week without talking to you.

 

These relationships are a waste of mental energy, emotion, and time. Meet someone in the flesh, locally who you can have an actual, fulfilling relationship with. There are reasons people choose to date people who are so far away from them.

 

If you must do a crazy long distance, meet within the first month.

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For all you know she is married with four kids,she could even be a man messing with your head.What the hell is wrong with you that you can't get a real girlfriend but you want to fly thousands of miles to meet an imaginary one.Australia is full of beautiful women,go get one.

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@ enddeck - I'm positive she is real, in the first 5 weeks or so we video chatted nearly every day and spoke while we were both on our way to work.

 

@ vevecakes - I told her the day I bought the tickets and she was excited to see me. She was going to book the tickets for a theme park over there once pay day hit. We had discussed what the next trip after that would be like, and what our end goal was (as of course indefinite long distance is not possible).

 

I never expected to like someone I had met online before. It's never happened before but I believe this person is worth waiting for even in the face of the dwindling odds. I am on the beginning of day 6 at the moment, she hasn't blocked me on Skype or WhatsApp which is what I would expect if she was essentially ghosting me.

 

Thanks for your replies so far.

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Unfortunately, if you've already sent a couple of in touch messages and she isn't responding then something is wrong. This sounds like she may have either found someone else, is becoming uninterested, or is pulling away from you for some other reason. If she comes back, I'd ask what the matter was and see how you feel from there. From here on out though you've already did all that you could so it's time to start thinking about possibly moving on. I'm sorry that this person may have wasted your time :(

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I would definitely be cautious. Don't reach out to her for a few days.....actually I wouldn't reach out again if I were you and see if that makes her contact you. It may sound silly but it works. If the other feels like the other person is showing more interest sometimes they are put off by that. Act like you really don't care as much and see if that works. Wait for her to contact you. If she doesn't then I'd say move on.

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"None show" is one of the thing you just don't do to people you care about. Cheating is also something you don't do in a relationship, but to stay faithful you need to sacrifice something. Yet, you don't have to sacrifice anything to be able to send a short message explaining the other side that you're going to be silent for ____ because of ____. This message can be provided no matter how serious is her mental issue, she's experiencing.

 

I can never trust people who are able to "none show", No matter what is their reason for doing that. For me, it's almost worst than cheating.

 

Cancel your flight ticket.

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Am I just over thinking things?
No.

 

when should I start to actually worry?
This is the right time.

 

I trust her and don't think she would do this intentionally
Of course she's doing this intentionally. She didn't get in touch with you for a week, and it's not that she was kidnapped and couldn't reach a phone to text or message you. Now, how do you feel knowing someone intentionally did that to you?

 

her WhatsApp profile picture is now an image of a barcode and it has "no feelings" underneath it

1. She was online in the meantime, but didn't feel like reaching out to you.

2. She bothered to let her contacts know (you included) about her current disinterest and apathy.

 

The wisest thing to do would be stopping caring and going MIA. Give her a few more days. Don't contact her and see when she gets back to you. If the pause goes beyond 2 weeks, change your plans. Contact the airline and see if you can fly somewhere else with a friend. Maybe you can use it for your summer holiday.

 

I think you should have called her last Tuesday. You could have charged your Skype account with like 10 dollars to call her mobile number and ask her what was going on. Anyway, now it wouldn't make sense. It's better that you see how far she can go with this.

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You're not over-thinking it; she's clearly avoiding you, for some reason. How could it not be intentional? She's been online so she knows you've tried to reach her, but she's chosen not to respond.

 

Did you discuss meeting before you went ahead and booked a ticket? I know you said she was excited the day of, but had you already told her you were going to come and visit her?

 

Something isn't right. Maybe she got cold feet, or maybe you're not the only guy she's been talking to. You call her your 'girlfriend' in the thread title, but then go to say you've just been chatting to her for the past few weeks. It doesn't sound as though she's actually your girlfriend; I have to wonder if she felt you were getting a bit ahead of yourself?

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Hi everyone, just an update. I got a message from her today (after 10 days no contact) and she told me that she had been in hospital and didn't have access to her phone, that she was sorry and only just got out. She hasn't told me why she was in hospital and said that it's personal and that she doesn't want people to know about it. I can rest easily now knowing at the very least she is ok, then I will try and piece together everything else. Thanks for all the replies so far.

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Hi everyone, just an update. I got a message from her today (after 10 days no contact) and she told me that she had been in hospital and didn't have access to her phone, that she was sorry and only just got out. She hasn't told me why she was in hospital and said that it's personal and that she doesn't want people to know about it. I can rest easily now knowing at the very least she is ok, then I will try and piece together everything else. Thanks for all the replies so far.

 

Dude you are being played.

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Rest easy? Okay, so you know she is alive, but you already know that, because you saw her online - so you know that her "secret" hospital stay is also a lie.

 

Cancel your ticket. She is a liar who is playing you.

 

And not even a good lair at that

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And the fish is biting.

 

Agree. Sadly this is the oldest trick with online relationships. There's almost always a mysterious illness, death in the family, loss of job, etc., when someone doesn't want to meet the other.

 

Time to dump her.

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