Broke up because of the distance

[p011yp0ck3t]

I was in a relationship this summer with a man who moved to California. I’m planning on moving out there in 2 years when I’m done with school anyways so I figured a Long Distance Relationship would be ok. His dad is a pilot too so he could visit me whenever and I could visit him whenever. We talked about it and he said he would make it work because he was falling in love with me, he trusted me… He asked me if I would move out there when I was done with school and I told him I would if we were still together. So I figured we would try this out. When I came back from Disney before he left… He told me he doesn’t know if he can handle the distance.. Doesn’t know if he trusts himself (I had to get that out of him sort of).. He asked about doing the no commitment thing and in two years get back together, which honestly hurt me. I told him that, that wasn’t fair to me blah blah blah. He ended up crying when we said our goodbyes and he called me and told me to come over because he was so upset and wanted to see me so I did. He asked me if I still wanted to go to his cousins wedding and I was back and fourth about it for awhile. I decided to go which was that Sunday. His family took pictures of us and whatever and me and him talked. He asked if I would really never speak to him again and I told him I would have to move on so yeah… He said he didn’t want to lose me and he wanted to try to make it work. The day after the wedding he left for California but wanted me to come by and say goodbye, so I did. Two days go by and he sends me a text saying something along the lines of… he doesn’t trust himself when he’s out there if he’s put in certain situations (his friends more than likely… Would be adding too it). He said he wants to be loyal but he doesn’t want anything to break the trust that we have…. Something like that. He also said he’s not ready to settle down yet blah blah blah… (Which I’m only 22 and he turns 24 next week, I’m not thinking about marriage any time soon so I didn’t understand that). We left on good terms… And I told him if it’s good timing for me and wants to try it again he could let me know. He told me also I was the best girlfriend he’s ever had….

 

 

We were good for each other and both extremely happy…….

 

 

 

 

He says he still loves me and cares about me

 

 

He hasn’t asked to see how my move went since I’m dorming at school… And that made me think that he doesn’t care about me… People say that he played me because he had this all planned out, but he convinced me that he would try to make it work, given the distance… I didn’t want to hold him back from chasing his dream and people said if he really loved you he would have waited to move until I was done with school… I want to believe that he literally just changed his mind because maybe he realized it would be harder than he thought but I don’t know what to think….

 

 

 

 

I sent him a birthday text on his birthday which was Wednesday and the conversation went like this

Me: Happy Birthday

Him: Thank You

Him: Thank You

Me: I think you sent that twice

Him: I have no service and I'm at drakes concert

Me: that's cool. Enjoy

Him: thank yaa .

 

 

I sent him a birthday text because I know it's the right thing to do and we didn't end on bad terms or anything, even though I did delete him off of social media because it just makes it easier for me to move on and I explained that to him too. I guess I'm just disappointed that he didn't ask how school was going or how I'm doing because wouldn't that show that he really does care?

 

 

His parents are sending his car in 3 weeks, they’re making him wait to see if that’s where he really wants to be…. His lease is only for 11 months unless he decides to stay….

 

 

 

 

I know he will be coming home for the holidays, thanksgiving and Christmas etc... I don't know if he's going to ask to see me or anything.... I hope he does but since he hasn't even bothered to ask how I'm doing I feel like he won't and he's just over it.

 

 

Any insight would be appreciated...

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't think he played you, exactly. I think he truly realized he cannot commit and will probably meet other girls and doesn't want to find himself betraying you. He did the right thing by being honest and letting you go.

 

I wouldn't assume he doesn't care about you, but he also knows he's ended the relationship and doesn't want to give you false hopes by asking about you and your move. That's my take, for what it's worth. Because wouldn't you be thinking that maybe he still harbors feelings if he were asking such questions right now? I feel he is probably trying to avoid that.

 

If I were you, I wouldn't count on seeing him when he's back for the holidays. That's not to say it's impossible but it isn't a good idea to hedge any bets on it. And if you think about it, would you really want to see him knowing he's leaving again anyway? That would be very painful for you, I feel. You might spend a couple fun days together, but then what? He goes back to California and carries on.

 

Do your own thing now. Get immersed in school, friends, activities, the usual. Don't reach out to him. This will give you space and time to heal, and that way, regardless of whether or not you two reconnect, you're in a better position in your own life.

[Gr8fuln2020]

It really sucks...LDR. I sort of made one work, but different circumstances. I had one not too long ago and it didn't work out b/c of the distance. Amazing, inelligent, hot 50-yr old woman! Aaaaargh! But, in the end, we really wanted to be able to see each other more than once a week (if all went well). It's funny how sometimes it seems that the one person you really want to be with is too far away. Ugh.

 

I am much more strict about finding someone who is within an hour or so. I don't want the distance to be a barrier to a healthy, meaningful relationship. Who knows, this might change (the distance requirement)....