DAFeb2014 Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 (edited) Hi, my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over two years. We recently have started a long distance relationship, I went home for school and he stayed in his hometown. Last week my boyfriend went to visit his buddy in another state, he stayed with his friend and his girlfriend at their house. I found out that his friend's girlfriend had started texting my boyfriend, which at first I thought no big deal because it's his friend's girlfriend, but than I saw some of the messages she has sent him and to me as a girl, they sound like she is trying to get my boyfriend's attention, like something I myself have texted to guy's in the past trying to get their attention. Like little "excuses" to talk to them. I tried to bring this up to boyfriend, saying that I normally wouldn't have a problem with him having female friends, however I can see that this girl is trying to get his attention and is flirting with him. Also my boyfriend's friend and his girlfriend have recently been having problems so I mentioned to my boyfriend that possibly she is talking to him like this maybe to get her boyfriend's attention. (btw this buddy has sent my boyfriend pictures of his girlfriend in her lingerie, so I was already not happy about him seeing her) I'm wondering though if I am overreacting and she really is just being nice or if she is trying to flirt with my boyfriend. Also is it ok in a relationship to tell your partner when you have a bad feeling about someone and ask them to respect you by not talking to someone that feels like a threat. It is already hard because we are in a ldr and I am not able to know what he is doing or if he is talking to someone. Please give helpful advice, thank you. Edited May 17, 2016 by DAFeb2014 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 There is nothing you can do to control the situation. No matter what she does or does not do, it is ultimately up to your boyfriend to make the right decision. He will either cheat or not cheat regardless of your involvement in their communication. If he is a loyal and honest boyfriend and your relationship is good, he won't let anything develop between the two of them. If he's not, no amount of control from your end will prevent something from happening. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 Hi, my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over two years. We recently have started a long distance relationship, I went home for school and he stayed in his hometown. Last week my boyfriend went to visit his buddy in another state, he stayed with his friend and his girlfriend at their house. I found out that his friend's girlfriend had started texting my boyfriend, which at first I thought no big deal because it's his friend's girlfriend, but than I saw some of the messages she has sent him and to me as a girl, they sound like she is trying to get my boyfriend's attention, like something I myself have texted to guy's in the past trying to get their attention. Like little "excuses" to talk to them. I tried to bring this up to boyfriend, saying that I normally wouldn't have a problem with him having female friends, however I can see that this girl is trying to get his attention and is flirting with him. Also my boyfriend's friend and his girlfriend have recently been having problems so I mentioned to my boyfriend that possibly she is talking to him like this maybe to get her boyfriend's attention. (btw this buddy has sent my boyfriend pictures of his girlfriend in her lingerie, so I was already not happy about him seeing her) I'm wondering though if I am overreacting and she really is just being nice or if she is trying to flirt with my boyfriend. Also is it ok in a relationship to tell your partner when you have a bad feeling about someone and ask them to respect you by not talking to someone that feels like a threat. It is already hard because we are in a ldr and I am not able to know what he is doing or if he is talking to someone. Please give helpful advice, thank you. It's called trust and devotion. If you don't have that for him then there is a huge problem. If he can't keep his hands off that girl you lost him for good. Anything can happen because your not with him 24/7 and your not nearby. Your not married and your not engaged so he can do whatever he wants too. If he was loyal, had values and morals they he would say NO! But you see he's fishing around already and being lured into that other girl already. I like how he said all normal? For whom is it normal for him or you? More like him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 Can you give some examples of what she's saying in these messages? And how does your boyfriend respond? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DAFeb2014 Posted May 17, 2016 Author Share Posted May 17, 2016 one of the messages she was asking him if he could help her load some things up (why didn't she ask her own bf). Another one she said something about "having to go to the bar all by my lonesome" As far as what he is saying i'm not sure because he won't tell me other than just that he did reply to some of the messages. And after the last one talking about going to the bar he did not tell me after that what her other messages were. I should mention that when she said that about the bar however he was already back to his home state. Link to post Share on other sites
brothers343 Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 When having or trying to have a LDR you most have a large amount of trust or there's going to be100 percent failure . I for one don't believe in the long distance thing but if you have that main component (trust) than it might work. I would tread lightly though. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 one of the messages she was asking him if he could help her load some things up (why didn't she ask her own bf). Another one she said something about "having to go to the bar all by my lonesome" As far as what he is saying i'm not sure because he won't tell me other than just that he did reply to some of the messages. And after the last one talking about going to the bar he did not tell me after that what her other messages were. I should mention that when she said that about the bar however he was already back to his home state. He needs to block her account and if he doesn't, then you tell him it's either you or her he wants to be with? Don't need this stress on your life with a guy like this. Playing to sides of the deck. Can't have you and her which he's doing. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 18, 2016 Share Posted May 18, 2016 In a healthy relationship you can always talk to your partner about anything or anyone who is bothering you. If you can't talk, you are already in trouble. Do you trust your BF? Do you think he has integrity? IMO he'd have to a pretty lousy person to cheat on his GF with his buddy's GF. Link to post Share on other sites
22Q-EE2 Posted May 19, 2016 Share Posted May 19, 2016 I think if he's openly trying to prove theres nothing going on, hes at fault anyway. His friend sending pictures of his gf in lingerie is not right either. And i think it's relevant to know how he responded to that aswell 1 Link to post Share on other sites
greenly24 Posted May 20, 2016 Share Posted May 20, 2016 I'm sorry you're having some of these issues. And I'm sure the fact that your boyfriend isn't in your city doesn't make things any easier. I think it's good that you are being open and honest with your boyfriend about your concerns. Has your boyfriend talked with his friend about these conversations at all? I'm just guessing that if your boyfriend thought the conversations were a problem he would have said something to his friend... I don't know. Have you talked to your boyfriend about this just one time or is this a recurrent topic? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DAFeb2014 Posted May 20, 2016 Author Share Posted May 20, 2016 We have talked about it a couple because she actually texted him again last night and I told him that if she texted him again than he should say something to his friend. However he doesn't think his friend will care and he doesn't think she is flirting with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DAFeb2014 Posted May 20, 2016 Author Share Posted May 20, 2016 That's actually a good point though, he never actually told me how he had responded to the pictures Link to post Share on other sites
Author DAFeb2014 Posted May 20, 2016 Author Share Posted May 20, 2016 I think if he's openly trying to prove theres nothing going on, hes at fault anyway. His friend sending pictures of his gf in lingerie is not right either. And i think it's relevant to know how he responded to that aswell that's a good point, he never actually said how he responded to the pictures Link to post Share on other sites
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