boyfriend in cuba with best friends.

[1sweetpea]

We have been dating for 2 months. This trip was planned before.

 

He's going on vacation with 2 girls in his class. One is engaged and he says the other is too young and he's not attracted to her. The engaged one was supposed to have her boyfriend coming but he couldn't. Her bf was going to share a room with my bf. My bf has a single room now. I've looked at these girls pages and they all seem like good friends.

 

But he told me he choses to "unplug" on vacations. So we wont talk for a week. Maybe i'm used to overly attached bfs or something, just it kind of hurts me. I got mad at him and told him this so he said he would connect to wifi and talk to me. I said if he pitys me then don't bother. Because thats how he made me feel.

 

He's not sharing a room with the girls. But i find it strange that the only reason he was 100% sure of contacting me was when he asked his friend who is engaged if she was talking to hers. Then he was on board with it and okay with chatting to me. Like maybe he doesn't know but i felt like **** when i had to basically beg for him to talk to me. He'd always say talk soon before he left. "I worry about you when im gone and i want you to take care of yourself"

 

 

Now he's in cuba and he said he would tell me when he arrived. He hasn't. I know he's there. Its been 2 days and no contact. He says he loves me he says he wouldnt throw it away. How hard is it to call someone and say your thinking about them? Its shady because he did say before he unplugs but then decided to "do a favour" and talk to me. Now it seems like he unplugged and isnt giving a ****. I dont think his friends would understand they are not in a fresh relationship. What i found rude is when he left my town to go to vancouver ( thats where hes flying out from and his school is) the engaged girl was like " OH NO GF ANYMORE??!?!" It was exactly worded like that. He opened it in front of me so i dont think he was trying to hide it. But it came off as rude.

 

Im not telling him to spend his day talking to me. Just say something? Am i over reacting? He knows i have anxiety and he knows i worry alot. So im just wondering if this is even worth it.

 

should i just write this off as a summer fling and just move on

 

When he told me he was going to cuba iti was our second date. He's like "you should come! but my friend (engaged one again) would act weird cuz her bf cant come"

Edited August 27, 2015 by 1sweetpea

[d0nnivain]

Some people do like to unplug.

 

However if one of these women is Marie from your other thread, he never was yours.

[1sweetpea]

Some people do like to unplug.

 

However if one of these women is Marie from your other thread, he never was yours.

 

no he didn't go with her, he went with two other girls in his class

 

edit: i made two threads because this would of been long. but when he told me he actually wanted to date marie, but that "it wouldn't work out" That was the night before his trip. He gets upset because he thinks i bring up past irrelvant crap. I guess its a good sign that he does tell the truth. He offered to introduce us guys. Sometimes I think it's ok. I mean it's weird, it's not ideal.

Edited August 27, 2015 by 1sweetpea

[ExpatInItaly]

Eh, having been to Cuba a couple times, I can vouch that wifi and cellular service aren't great. So there is that factor. Where I stayed, there wasn't any wifi at all and our cell phones didn't work. It largely depends where he is.

 

You might just be finding that you have incompatible communication styles. He expressed a desire to stay out of touch for a week. You're not comfortable with that, which I can understand. Nobody wants to feel ignored. Even if that's not his intention, you can't change his preferences. If he doesn't feel the need to contact you, coaxing him into it isn't going to help. Just take a step back and see what happens from here. If you prefer a boyfriend who is more regularly in touch, this might not be the right guy for you.

[courtneykay]

I think you are right in being upset, I would be too.

 

I understand wanting to unplug. However, I don't understand why he can't unplug for the day and then give you a call at night to see how you are doing. At the very least, that's the communication I would expect/want. I am sure the signal in Cuba is spotty, but that's beside the point. It's the fact that he isn't making a conscious effort to communicate with you and let you know that he's alive and well that is frustrating.

 

Ultimately, you know what is right for you. But from what I am getting from your posts, he does not seem like a very nice guy. You should still be in your honey moon phase, you shouldn't feel like you are begging for his attention. Coming from someone who also has anxiety, there are certain types of people out there that are just better for people like us. I've dated quite a few horrible guys before I found someone that puts forth the effort to communicate with me and make me feel wanted and loved because he understands that's what I need.

 

Communication is one of the most important factors in a relationship, and the fact that he isn't making an effort seems like a pretty big red flag to me.

[justwhoiam]

The engaged one was supposed to have her boyfriend coming but he couldn't.

This sounds like BS. There's a remote chance this is true, but really a very slim chance.

 

So the other guy opts out of the trip, and your bf is fine with that? Isn't he going to spend more than his initial budget? How did this impact his budget?

Also, really, gf and bf sleeping in separate rooms while vacationing in Cuba??? What am I missing? Chastity? (Provided that you don't need to have sex if you decide to share the room...........)

 

he told me he choses to "unplug" on vacations. So we wont talk for a week.

Well, he's an idiot. He could have said: I'm not sure I have signal on the island, and not sure if I'm able to get to a place with wifi connection and when. So please don't get upset if you don't hear from me while I'm away.

That would have been a reasonable statement, and logical too, making possible no contact more acceptable. Just coming up with not wanting to talk to you is a very different thing. Personally, I don't care about unplugging. If you've just dated him casually, then fine. If he's your bf, then it's not fine.

 

Now [...] Its been 2 days and no contact.

You decide how much crap you wanna get. Up to you.

 

He says he loves me

[...]

he told me he actually wanted to date marie, but that "it wouldn't work out" That was the night before his trip

Do you understand this guy wants his cake and eat it too? He openly told you before going to Cuba that he actually wanted to date another girl. Maybe you got that as if it's in the past, so now he doesn't want to anymore. But still, you get a lot of hints (or should I say red flags?) and you're letting them go.

 

when he left my town to go to vancouver the engaged girl was like " OH NO GF ANYMORE??!?!" It was exactly worded like that. He opened it in front of me so i dont think he was trying to hide it. But it came off as rude.

What did he open? Were you reading on his cell phone screen? And how could you if he left your town? Did she send him a text? That was not rude, that seemed in reply to something HE said. Did you ask him what he told her to come up with such question? You should question him not her. And it doesn't look good for your bf.

 

Am i over reacting?

No, you're being naive.

I guess he wanted a room to himself. I wouldn't focus on his trip buddies too much, because in Cuba there are plenty of girls ready to have some fun. Especially the local ones.

 

im just wondering if this is even worth it.

I'd say no, if you asked me.

 

should i just write this off as a summer fling and just move on

You'd probably do yourself a favor.

 

When he told me he was going to cuba iti was our second date. He's like "you should come! but my friend (engaged one again) would act weird cuz her bf cant come"

Now, this is almost absurd. If he and the other girl were fine with traveling with a couple (lovers), then why would he give a thing about what she thinks about him traveling with his new gf?

[1sweetpea]

This sounds like BS. There's a remote chance this is true, but really a very slim chance.

 

So the other guy opts out of the trip, and your bf is fine with that? Isn't he going to spend more than his initial budget? How did this impact his budget?

Also, really, gf and bf sleeping in separate rooms while vacationing in Cuba??? What am I missing? Chastity? (Provided that you don't need to have sex if you decide to share the room...........)

 

 

he said they were good friends and whenever annoying guys would come up to those girls he'd tell them to back off. Vice versa. I'm pretty sure it impacts his budget. But i dont think those girls would want to share a room with him either. The one who is engaged is super religious so i'm thinking she hasn't had sex with her bf yet.

 

Do you understand this guy wants his cake and eat it too? He openly told you before going to Cuba that he actually wanted to date another girl. Maybe you got that as if it's in the past, so now he doesn't want to anymore. But still, you get a lot of hints (or should I say red flags?) and you're letting them go.

 

I know, but you need to keep in mind that i harassed him. I said " why did you chose to go with these girls is it another marie situation. did she ever know you liked her?'' He said "yeah we talk about it and we both knew it would never work..this was 2 years ago" So i freaked. He said this " I see it as in the unrelvant past but you keep wanting to you and I ain't gonna lie to you"

 

 

What did he open? Were you reading on his cell phone screen? And how could you if he left your town? Did she send him a text? That was not rude, that seemed in reply to something HE said. Did you ask him what he told her to come up with such question? You should question him not her. And it doesn't look good for your bf.

 

I didn't type this one out correctly. This was the day before he was leaving my town. He opened whatsapp and he told those girls in a group chat hes coming to vancouver. Thats how i saw her response.

 

 

I guess he wanted a room to himself. I wouldn't focus on his trip buddies too much, because in Cuba there are plenty of girls ready to have some fun. Especially the local ones.

 

 

all he ever said to me was he wanted to try out the food, swim with the dolphins, smoke cigars and write in his journal.

 

So should i sent an angry text he probably wouldn't read. He's back tuesday.

Edited August 28, 2015 by 1sweetpea

[1sweetpea]

I think you are right in being upset, I would be too.

 

I understand wanting to unplug. However, I don't understand why he can't unplug for the day and then give you a call at night to see how you are doing. At the very least, that's the communication I would expect/want. I am sure the signal in Cuba is spotty, but that's beside the point. It's the fact that he isn't making a conscious effort to communicate with you and let you know that he's alive and well that is frustrating.

 

Ultimately, you know what is right for you. But from what I am getting from your posts, he does not seem like a very nice guy. You should still be in your honey moon phase, you shouldn't feel like you are begging for his attention. Coming from someone who also has anxiety, there are certain types of people out there that are just better for people like us. I've dated quite a few horrible guys before I found someone that puts forth the effort to communicate with me and make me feel wanted and loved because he understands that's what I need.

 

Communication is one of the most important factors in a relationship, and the fact that he isn't making an effort seems like a pretty big red flag to me.

 

I'm not trying to defend him. But i just posted the things that bother me about him today because i have no one to talk to. Other than him going on vacation we message eachother everyday and he compliments me tell me he loves me.

 

He got me a ring like a month in and he told me before he left that "he worries and he knows ill be alone" but that he wants me to "look at that ring and realize someone loves you and smile"

 

I sometimes feel like im so broken from my past relationships that i'm turning an actual good guy into a bad one. I know i did it with my ex. Every fight we've had is me starting something about his past. The only fight i think i deserve to be mad about is him constantly dropping that girls name (my other thread). Maybe im just not ready to date. Im sensitive.

[1sweetpea]

Eh, having been to Cuba a couple times, I can vouch that wifi and cellular service aren't great. So there is that factor. Where I stayed, there wasn't any wifi at all and our cell phones didn't work. It largely depends where he is.

 

You might just be finding that you have incompatible communication styles. He expressed a desire to stay out of touch for a week. You're not comfortable with that, which I can understand. Nobody wants to feel ignored. Even if that's not his intention, you can't change his preferences. If he doesn't feel the need to contact you, coaxing him into it isn't going to help. Just take a step back and see what happens from here. If you prefer a boyfriend who is more regularly in touch, this might not be the right guy for you.

 

I think relationships are about compromise. I voiced my opinion about it the day he told me that. It was like our 4th date. He said he would connect to wifi. Thats compromise for someone who unplugs. Hes always talking to me otherwise..but who knows if it'll be the same when he starts school.

[1sweetpea]

 

No, you're being naive.

I guess he wanted a room to himself. I wouldn't focus on his trip buddies too much, because in Cuba there are plenty of girls ready to have some fun. Especially the local ones.

 

?

 

Also, he never gave me a reason not to trust him. So it's not like i can accuse him of these things.

[ExpatInItaly]

I think relationships are about compromise. I voiced my opinion about it the day he told me that. It was like our 4th date. He said he would connect to wifi. Thats compromise for someone who unplugs. Hes always talking to me otherwise..but who knows if it'll be the same when he starts school.

 

This is my point. He might not want be willing to compromise with you.

 

At only 2 months in, it's not a great sign but see what happens during the rest of the week.

[1sweetpea]

This is my point. He might not want be willing to compromise with you.

 

At only 2 months in, it's not a great sign but see what happens during the rest of the week.

 

this hurts

[justwhoiam]

It looks like you're hesitant around him, out of fear. You shouldn't be afraid to ask for anything if he's your boyfriend. How much was the trip? How did the missing guy impact his budget?

 

I think you need to give him a taste of his own medicine, because he's not going to fully understand what it feels like being on the other side. Some guys are slow, so don't assume they're smart, until they prove being smart (especially regarding relationships and how to treat a woman).

[1sweetpea]

he messaged me this morning

 

"Hey baby I'm sooo sorry you haven't heard from we've been having bull**** problems but we are safe

 

you won't hear from me until I get home

 

I'm safe and I miss you and l love you my pinapple

 

?"

[ExpatInItaly]

he messaged me this morning

 

"Hey baby I'm sooo sorry you haven't heard from we've been having bull**** problems but we are safe

 

you won't hear from me until I get home

 

I'm safe and I miss you and l love you my pinapple

 

?"

 

Well then, there you have it. He was thinking about you, albeit a bit late to the game.

 

Now you know not to expect more contact from him until he returns. Only you can decide if that works for you or not.