aurora19 Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 I have a wonderful boyfriend that will soon propose to me according to close, reliable sources. Just last week the man I thought I would be with in the long run (we have been off and on for 10 years) met him and finally talked things through with us and I thought we could be cool and move on. But he refuses to accept any my invitations to hang out as friends and I can not stop thinking about him, even though I know he is wrong for me. What's up, does he still care and do I? Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 Sounds to me like you're the one who's "caring" and trying to keep him around. In a way I think you might be using the "friendship" blanket as a way to keep being able to see him without losing the guy you're with now.... What would you do if he says he wants to rekindle your relationship? Could it be that he's trying to keep distance between yourself and him so that you can move on with your life? Link to post Share on other sites
Author aurora19 Posted December 27, 2004 Author Share Posted December 27, 2004 I guess in a way that could be true, he has been important to me for a long time and we always thought we would end up together. I guess I do not want to let go of that yet, despite the fact that I met a guy much more wonderful. It was just the way I believed things would always be, me ending up with him, but I guess the "ideal" never happens. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 Originally posted by aurora19 But he refuses to accept any my invitations to hang out as friends and I can not stop thinking about him, even though I know he is wrong for me. What's up, does he still care and do I? The EX matters only as much as you let him matter in yer life. And yes, you both still care for each other otherwise you would have never posted this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aurora19 Posted December 27, 2004 Author Share Posted December 27, 2004 You are right, but does it ever matter? When does that "care" for each other get to the point that it matters, where it gets to the point that you should allow it to affect your current "healthy" realtionship? I want to marry this current guy, but why when I close my eyes is the ex is the one waiting at the alter? Link to post Share on other sites
Chris_T. Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 Originally posted by aurora19 You are right, but does it ever matter? When does that "care" for each other get to the point that it matters, where it gets to the point that you should allow it to affect your current "healthy" realtionship? I want to marry this current guy, but why when I close my eyes is the ex is the one waiting at the alter? Do you think you may still be in love with the ex? Link to post Share on other sites
Author aurora19 Posted December 28, 2004 Author Share Posted December 28, 2004 I really hope not, but I am unsure. I think about him quite a bit, if he is around I get all silly, if I think I am going to see him I get anxious and nervous. I mean I hate to say my emotions appear to be more heightened for the ex, but maybe that's b/c it's the whole fantasy and all the history. I mean what I have with my current boyfriend is much more healthy, stable and real. The ex just seems to have always been some sort of ideal, we never had a very good "real" relationship. I can not help my feelings for him, even though I realize he is not good for me, he's immature, has major depression, issues with his mothers death, with women, he sells drugs, etc. Is it that I am in love with him regardless of these things and I just choose to take the easy way out and settle for the good guy that loves me insanely, instead of WORK at being with the ex! My current boyfriend is supposedly proposing on New Years Eve, he makes me happy and settled, comfortable and protected, but we lack real passion! Is that just the way a real adult relationship becomes. He gives me everything but the butterflies!? Is it worth giving up the greatest man I have ever met, a man that I know for sure loves me for a troubled ex that stirs almost too much emotion (mostly sadness and desperation, but at least it's feeling). I am confused!!! Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 So you have two men - one who wants to marry you and is great overall, but no butterflies, and one who you feel passionate about, but doesn't really want you back. The choice is really whether to marry your current boyfriend or not. If you're unsure, let him know that before he proposes; I am sure you can find some way to do it. If you already feel that you miss the passion, how will you feel when problems start to arise as they do in everyone's love and life at all? If you don't feel that he is the right one with 100% of your heart then perhaps it's better to not marry him. What does great mean if you don't feel great with him? Great marriage supposedly includes great love. Certainly, you will not feel butterflies for the rest of your life no matter who you will marry, but you need to feel like one with your partner and be prepared to everything. You never know what life brings and how it will test your love. Are there any other elements included in his favor? What are the things that make him so great? Maybe he has just been trying hard to impress you all this time so that you fall in love with him. He might change once he marries you. Nobody is great, but when you feel deep love for your partner, you accept him the way he is. You argue, but you make peace. You make mistakes, but you're forgiven. Without a solid foundation your marriage will fall apart soon. Will you secretly desire other men while sleeping with him? The passion for your ex is rather a consequence from what you lack with your current boyfriend than a motive to break up. If you want to break up, do it because you don't want to marry him, not because you want to sleep with your ex one more time. You can be tempted 100 more times and feel butterflies for other men, but love your husband with the whole heart and not want to cheat on him or leave him. It's obviously not the case here. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 The ex sells drugs?!?!?! I missed that part before...Forget about him! Do you need troubles in your life? You know he's not good for you. You're just hot for his as*. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aurora19 Posted March 17, 2005 Author Share Posted March 17, 2005 Wow, this post is so long ago, I almost forgot about it! So to update you, I have pretty much forgotten about the ex. I think it came to getting a little nervous about the whole "marriage" thing, I was trying to convince myself too much that I wasn't ready b/c I was young, had all these other emotions, was looking too much for a "fairy tale" like relationship etc. There is no such thing as a "fairy tale" relationship, no person or relationship is perfect, but you can be perfect for each other. And me & the current beau are so perfect together b/c despite the flaws & the sometimes lack of passion, we make it through it all loving each other even more in a more profound way. that is much better than a silly crush for an old love or a "fantasy" of something possibly far better. The ex is no longer the person I knew & thought I loved & I am no longer the person he thought he loved. i am much better off without him, he is a lost soul & I can no longer try to help him or feel sorry for him, in truth he used me. He knew I would always be there to pick him up & take care of him no matter what. He only wanted me when it was convenient for him. Who I was & what he could do to benefit my life was not a priority of his! i just got stuck in all of his promises, the excitement of it all , the ups & downs, but it was just silly bull**** drama & it intrigued me. I loved looking after hurt little puppy dogs. But, my current beau made me GROW up & realize those things are never worth sacrificing what is real, what is healthy, what benefits me. My guy does stir passion in me, he is the love of my life & the only reason I ever had doubts or screwed up what we had was purely out of fear & insecurity within myself. It took some time, but I grew up & away from the silliness. I will always care for the ex, but I care more like a concerned mother, not a lover. He knows I am here & he will reach out if he really needs me & I will help him out as much as I realistically can without hurting myself or the man I love! Will i always wonder, of course, I am human, but it can barely scratch the surface of what I do have! The man I am with now has all of my heart & soul, he is beautiful, I am better person b/c of him, we fall & then grow together, he is my best friend & the best lover! Granted we all make mistakes, have doubts & act like asses from time to time, but it never matters if your relationship is strong enough & you vow to keep getting better!! He proposed on New Years Eve & it was the best moment of my life!! I am very happy, I was scared at times in the beginning, but now, oh now, I am happier than I have ever been. I can not wait to spend the rest of my life with this man, the man that opened my eyes & then my heart. No other man can compare to that!!! Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 17, 2005 Share Posted March 17, 2005 We are happy for you, Aurora! Sounds like you got all you wanted in a man. I think your passion for him is there. We don't see passion with our eyes, we feel it with our hearts. Good luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author aurora19 Posted March 18, 2005 Author Share Posted March 18, 2005 Thanks dear! Link to post Share on other sites
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