neverwilllearn Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 I met my guy on tour. The tour has been ongoing for about 4 months, but up until the last month I was too shy to be around him. But things changed. Before our current break we spent every minute of every day for the entire month together except during performances. Intimate nights .. no, because of my beliefs. Here is a guy who is talking marriage. And while we wanted to keep things very private he gave me a huge kiss in front of the entire crew bus on the last day. Now we are in the last week of a 10 week break. The first 6 weeks he always ended his emails..love.. love to you .. miss you .. xxooo ... something to show he cared and of course, I did the same. In the last 3 weeks, he ends by saying 'good day'. And to tell you the truth it is making me feel bad. He called about 4 weeks ago and talked about marriage again. And He called almost a week ago saying how excited he was to go back on tour. He said he was offered a different tour but declined and said 'I want you to know that I am staying with this tour to see you'. And he talked about having an intimate relationship this time. But I don't recall during that conversation any words like, I love you, I care about you.. nada. He said he wanted to be a couple and doesn't want to hide anything from anybody. He wants to hold hands and doesn't care. But then again, on Christmas eve and Christmas, no phone call. I feel bad I didn't hear from someone who is talking marriage. He did send me a Christmas e-card. His "personalized" message? Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. That was it... To me it is the same message I read on the card I got from my bank and realtor... it left me sort of sad. This lack of TLC is hurting me ... and is hurting all the feelings I had for him. We had so much passion and love for each other just before break and now when I see him in 6 days to finish the last 4 months of the tour, I am ready to break it off. What I needed was for him to help me keep that time we had alive by his caring messages and phone contacts, I have. But the last 3 weeks on his part has been pretty dry in that area. And my thinking is that I don't want him to think that he can be so uncaring now when I really needed the attention ... and then, just because we are back on tour "bubble", that I will "happily" fall back into his arms. I haven't mentioned any of this to him because I never wanted him to do things he didn't do naturally. But I am numb inside. Are my thoughts justified or is it just that I don't understand guys and maybe being too sensitive.?? Help out please.. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 While it's all okay for you to want him to show you he cares in a certain way.. are YOU showing him that you care about him, or are you expecting him to do all the work there? Maybe he got the vibe from you that you're backing up a little.. so to save himself some hurt.. he's done the same. Talk to him.. he can't read your mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author neverwilllearn Posted December 29, 2004 Author Share Posted December 29, 2004 Very interesting... I had to think back... but around Thanksgiving he called and was really excited and talking about marriage and about moving the 1500 mile distance so my child and I could be with him. He kind of joked saying 'hey I am marrying up and you would be marrying down'...He was referring to him being a contracted Musician and me the "stable" teacher. The comment, however, even though he was joking .. left me silent for about 5 seconds .. I don't even know if I responded to it. I think I just went on and told him "Hey, we were going to talk about all of this when we got back on tour" I told him that we needed to be together again, but that I was so crazy about him and wanted him to be really sure that I was right for him too. Then I remember him saying.. "You've already decided, haven't you?" I thought I reassured him that I didn't,, because I hadn't decided. And ever since then in every email or phone call I tell him I love him, that I miss him, etc.. etc. but now that you mention it and I think back.. it is around that time that his loving words started to sort of chill a bit.. and now his last lines are sort of business like. Maybe it is the self protection mode of his ... So now what?????? He may be in self protection mode... and that mode with his lack of feeling has left me numb and hurt. He called last night for an hour I tried to keep all upbeat.. tour starts in 3 days. So I concentrated on being lovey dovey and he was nice and we laughed alot ... but now my worst nightmare. Afterwards I felt empty. Like all these weeks of me making all the effort I could and him not doing the same, whether it be for self preservation or what, it's left me like we need to start all over. Like he's just a friend. Like the feeling might be gone even. So help help help please... what can I do to help get all the feeling back ... He is calling tonight and tomorrow night and then we fly from different cities to meet up for the rest of our 4 month tour.. Link to post Share on other sites
kitkat69 Posted December 30, 2004 Share Posted December 30, 2004 it sounds like you both are mad about each other....unfortunately no relationship is ever without its problems...so u both need to address them before things start to rollercoaster. when u see him again..gently bring up all the things u mentioned here and see what his reaction is....sometimes we all read too much into things but u also have to go on your instinct and your past history with this guy. he sounds like a decent guy...so talk to him when the moment is right. Link to post Share on other sites
7on Posted January 6, 2005 Share Posted January 6, 2005 Tell him that you miss the "I love yous" that he used to write. I have even heard from somewhere that saying "I love you" too much may be a sign to the woman that you sound desperate. Same with phone calls. Too many phone calls will scare off the females as I've been told. Sounds to me that he's already made up his mind and just waiting for you to catch up. He probably thought you slowed down, so inorder for him not to out run you and leave ya in the dust, he slowed down too. Link to post Share on other sites
emopunk Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 Good advice from everyone so far. And I have to agree with everyone. 7on hit it I think. Talk to him. Let him know that you miss the little things. Ask him if you offended him or made him feel like he was rushing you. Communciation is the key here. Open, honest, and direct. I will say that it definitely does not sound like this situation is unsalvagable... I'm not even sure I would use that term. You've spent some time apart and communication has gotten fuzzy. Same thing happens in the happiest marriage. Keep us posted on events. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 I don't see any relationship here. You didn't have sex, so it's more like a flirt that lasted for 4 months instead of 4 days. The marriage talk he doesis bulls***. Don't bite that bait! He only has one goal for now - to get into your pants. He likes you, but he wants to start from there (remember he said he wants to be intimate with you this time?). You became very interesting to him cuz you're not giving him any, but as soon as you do, it will become a regular relationship. He may fall in love or he may not, who knows? But before being intimate he doesn't count his feelings more than "I like this girl." For a platonic relationship he's shown enough of attention, but nothing special. For you it means much more. Personally if you didn't have a child I'd think that you're 17. If you ask me, you're lucky he shows any signs of affection. Some men would take your refusal of intimacy personally and see it as a failure to conquer your love. You don't really think he's considering to marry you and actually never made love to you, do you? You do obviously.. Link to post Share on other sites
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