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Visiting Dating site while engaged


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I am engaged to his girl. We met on Match.com, and seeing each other for last 6 months. Even Though we are in serious a relationship and making plans to get married. I once caught her talking to this other guy on Match.com (after engagement). She was talking to him for 2-3 weeks and were making plans to meet up. When I found out, she was sorry and asked for forgiveness. She stated she loves me and want to be with me and get married. We both have Match.com profile still active. I suggested that since we both want to move forward and get married, let’s close our Match.com profile. She does not want to cancel the membership and wants to keep it for our memory. Memory that we met on this site and it’s a sweet memory. We had argument over this. I told her that someone from that site could interfere in our relationship and could be problem.

For me asking to delete both our profile, is that wrong?

Can she be honest with her profile being active?

I do not feel good about it.

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Don't push her to cancel her membership. If she wants to keep her profile active, and chat with other guys and make plans to meet them, then that's her choice.

 

You can cancel your profile, and not chat with other women, and buy her an expensive engagement ring and keep monitoring her to make sure she isn't meeting any other guys or not monitor and just blindly trust a wooman who was planning on cheating on you before you're even married, but I sure as hell wouldn't.

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I think you are not wrong to ask her to delete her profile, especially after you saw she was planning to meet up with someone else! What she did is very bad, and it's worse because you are engaged. I don't see how you can trust her now. At least you should wait to know her better before getting married. For me, it would be a deal breaker.

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Sorry, but you shouldn't HAVE to ask her. If you're the one for her she should have eyes for no one else -- especially if you're engaged for pete's sake!

 

And, don't hound her to delete or deactivate her profile To placate you she may well say she did (or delete the one she's had in the past) and just create another one under another account or alias. Happens all the time.

 

If I were you, I'd end the engagement. She clearly isn't ready to settle down -- at least with you. That's NOT the way someone who's serious acts or treats another whom with they want to build a life. She's a player, and she's playing you.

 

Best,

TMichaels

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Considering that you have made this post in the LDR section, I can only conclude that she is not taking this "engagement" seriously because it is long distance. Fantasy often goes hand-in-hand with LDR's so maybe she just sees this as a fantasy relationship and not really real, thus not wanting to take her profile down.

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My ex did this. We were together for a lengthy time... We met IRL . I found out he had a match profile... Big fight, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'll never do it again. Still refused to close his account.

 

Oh, and he was browsing OKCupid and PoF and Craigslist and and and...

 

I couldn't put up with it anymore, he's now engaged to another girl and guess what, he's still browsing.

 

Me personally, as soon as I became exclusive with anyone, any online dating accounts would be closed and stay closed. He wouldn't need to ask me. She's keeping her options open. So let her, and move on.

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Engaged after only knowing each other 6 months is the 1st red flag I see. Continuing to keep a Match profile second red flag. If she likes the sentiment of you met there, have her print the profiles. Frame them. They will be saved forever. Still talking to another guy on a dating site while engaged -- HUGE red flag that requires postponement of the wedding & premarital counseling.

 

DH had a Match profile when I met him. It was down & gone 6 weeks later. It certainly still didn't exist by the time we got engaged.

 

What are you two thinking?

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Don't push her to cancel her membership. If she wants to keep her profile active, and chat with other guys and make plans to meet them, then that's her choice.

 

Aren't they engaged to be MARRIED ?

 

Then there is NO reason for an OLD profile.. come on.. really ?

 

She is a cheater IMO... meeting up with other guys she met on match after the engagement shows she shouldn't be engaged.

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My ex did this. We were together for a lengthy time... We met IRL . I found out he had a match profile... Big fight, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'll never do it again. Still refused to close his account.

 

Oh, and he was browsing OKCupid and PoF and Craigslist and and and...

 

I couldn't put up with it anymore, he's now engaged to another girl and guess what, he's still browsing.

 

Me personally, as soon as I became exclusive with anyone, any online dating accounts would be closed and stay closed. He wouldn't need to ask me. She's keeping her options open. So let her, and move on.

 

This is ridiculous behavior!

 

I get guys like this talking to me all the time on the dating site. I ask if they are seeing anyone serious yet, and they say yes, but they still like to sign on and "chat".

 

Ridiculous. I'd move on too.

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LoveAnimals

Move on. If she was still on Match that means she is having doubts about you and wants to see what else is out there. The fact that she now refuses to delete it after she violated your trust, says she is likely to do this again.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Be honest and straightforward. Tell her that visiting match.com isn't appropriate, since you're engaged. Don't ask her to cancel subscription. Just let her know your opinion. (maybe it's a bit late, because you already argued). Then let her do whatever she wants. Don't try to convince her anymore.

 

I think she's in doubts. But asking or harassing her about her dating profile isn't a good way. be assertive and speak out about how you feel. Try not to look like you're offended, disappointed...

 

There are two options next. She'll cancel match.com or cancel you. You cant' do anything, it's her choice.

 

I also believe that hers behaviour is strange.

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Friskyone4u

If you have to tell this woman that you do not keep an active profile on a dating site when you are engaged, she needs professional help and you need a new fiance.

 

She already was planning to cheat on you. Forget the site, don't you get what she was doing. So fine, you get her off the site. She'll find another one or just go hook up with some guy who she meets somewhere.

 

if you can't figure out why you should not be debating this with her, then you need some IC too.

 

Run away as fast as you can

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I agree with what most have said on here, the fact that she has already been talking to another guy and planning to meet while engaged is a serious red flag. The fact she doesn't want to take down her match profile is another red flag in my opinion.

 

This should tell you she isn't happy in the relationship or doesn't want to settle down at the moment.

 

I think it's heading for heartache personally, I would really talk to her about things to see how she really feels.

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She does not want to cancel the membership and wants to keep it for our memory. Memory that we met on this site and it’s a sweet memory.

 

Messy messy messy!!!!!!!!

 

Please tell me you're not buying that weak, lame sauce? Keeping an active profile that she's using to contact and meet up with other men because of the "sweet memory" she has of how you two met? Seriously? For real? She needs to write a book and hold seminars on how to hoodwink guys with lame excuses and keep them why still engaging in selfish eff-ery.

 

No. And it's time you put your foot down. Either the account closes or the engagement is off.. in fact, call off the engagement because a woman who is committed to you doesn't actively seek and arrange to meet other men behind your back. She doesn't open herself up to that kind of messiness. No woman's kitty is that good that you should tolerate this level of disrespect.

 

We had argument over this. I told her that someone from that site could interfere in our relationship and could be problem.

 

SHE'S the one interfering and SHE'S the one who is the problem. A locked door cannot be opened unless a key is used. Her door is not only not locked, but it's wide open--I dare say, from the looks of it, she's a revolving door.

 

For me asking to delete both our profile, is that wrong?

 

No. In fact, the moment you two became committed, both of the profiles should have been deleted. Why are they both even still active today?

 

 

Can she be honest with her profile being active?

 

No. These other men and her interaction with them are more important than you are. You're not #1 on her priority list. I would never be committed to someone who, outside of small children, didn't make me their #1 priority, let alone marry them.

 

 

I do not feel good about it.

 

Nor would I. She's messy as hell... you'd do good by setting her adrift.

Edited by kendahke
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