LDR- male friend sleeping on GF's couch?

[Chris516]

Ok, Here goes:

 

I live on the East Coast of the U.S., and the 'woman of interest' lives on the West Coast. Travel is not a problem. Since we both live near major airports.

 

She lives alone for all intensive purposes, but a male friend of hers, has been sleeping on her couch.

 

She lives in a two-bedroom apartment.

 

She said the guy is only a friend of hers(I didn't come right and ask her point blank. She just said it.) The guy even said to her, I was her boyfriend. While I am not her boyfriend. His 'statement' says that he is not, either.

 

Since he is not her boyfriend. Yet they do a lot together. That further says to me, that their 'relationship' is purely platonic.

 

In the past, she told me the last time she had sex, her health problems, and her having a $1,000 credit card debt.

 

Correct me if I am wrong. But a person's sex life, health, and financial status, are very private matters. That are not told to just anyone.

 

I know I am going to be criticized, as reading too much into this. I am just trying to understand why she would tell me very private info, if she didn't have some semblance of interest.

 

We talk daily, in a strange sort of way. I call her, and she will be talking to both, me, and friend, at the same time. That seems a little rude to me.

 

Any feedback would be appreciated.

[Els]

I am confused. Your title says she is your GF but your post seems to indicate that she is not. Which one is it?

 

In the first case it would be totally fine for a male friend to stay at her place and none of your business, and in the second case she should have discussed this with you first.

[ExpatInItaly]

I am confused. Your title says she is your GF but your post seems to indicate that she is not. Which one is it?

 

In the first case it would be totally fine for a male friend to stay at her place and none of your business, and in the second case she should have discussed this with you first.

 

This.

 

Also, have you met in person? I didn't see that mentioned in your post.

[d0nnivain]

If she has a 2 BR apartment, why isn't he sleeping in the guest room?

 

The relationship is a little too close for comfort for me. If he stayed over once in a while maybe, but all the time. Bears further investigation.

 

Have you met him?

[chelsey]

you seems to be keeping very distant (emotionally)... you aren't her boyfriend correct? so if not you can't be upset about her male friends, or really, anything she does.

 

some people are open about those sorts of topics to people they trust as friends, I talk about that stuff with non-romantic friends if i value their opinion.

 

if you want to be serious with her you need to have a talk. you can't get upset about this stuff until you define your relationship and then talk about your expectations. until then you're hurting yourself by playing it too fast and loose.

 

honestly if i knew a guy referred to me as a "woman of interest" i wouldn't give a crap what he thought about what i did with my friends. you need to decide and talk about what this is.

[Chris516]

I am confused. Your title says she is your GF but your post seems to indicate that she is not. Which one is it?

 

In the first case it would be totally fine for a male friend to stay at her place and none of your business, and in the second case she should have discussed this with you first.

Not only are you confused. So am I. I originally just had a '?' for the title. I didn't put the title that is there now. I can't edit that title. So, I am stuck with people getting that misconception. I have no problem with another guy staying at her place, and I won't try to stop her. But the apartment complex could take some sort of action. Which sort of worries me. But I will not involve myself in.

This.

 

Also, have you met in person? I didn't see that mentioned in your post.

We have not met in person.

If she has a 2 BR apartment, why isn't he sleeping in the guest room?

 

The relationship is a little too close for comfort for me. If he stayed over once in a while maybe, but all the time. Bears further investigation.

 

Have you met him?

I have never met her, or him in person. Financially, I don't have the means right now to fly out to the West Coast. The major train accident where nine people died, somehow, caused several airlines to raise their airfares by four and five times, what they were prior to the train accident. So I am definitely not going to even think about flying right now. Like you, I wondered why he isn't sleeping in a guest room. But, Like you, it seems a little too close for comfort for me. Also, His staying over all the time, but sleeping on the couch. Something isn't right. If were to come out there right now. I have wondered where I would be sleeping. Since she I could sleep on the couch. But how could I do that with him there. I don't want him to leave because of me, but on his own when he chooses.

you seem to be keeping very distant (emotionally)... you aren't her boyfriend correct? so if not you can't be upset about her male friends, or really, anything she does.

 

some people are open about those sorts of topics to people they trust as friends, I talk about that stuff with non-romantic friends if i value their opinion.

 

if you want to be serious with her you need to have a talk. you can't get upset about this stuff until you define your relationship and then talk about your expectations. until then you're hurting yourself by playing it too fast and loose.

 

honestly if i knew a guy referred to me as a "woman of interest" i wouldn't give a crap what he thought about what i did with my friends. you need to decide and talk about what this is.

I am not her boyfriend, and yes, I am keeping my emotional distance. I am not 'absolutely' upset. Maybe unnerved. But it is not keeping me awake at nights(insomnia from physical health issues' keeps me awake at night)

 

I have thought about her trusting me with that info potentially being why she told me. How am I playing it 'fast and loose'? I am not asking in an argumentative way. But trying to better understand what you mean.

Edited May 17, 2015 by Chris516

[ExpatInItaly]

Unless and until you meet in person, I wouldn't stress about it. You're both free to do what you want.

[Els]

I think you are putting the cart before the horse in that case. Whatever happens between her and her friend and her landlord is her own problem.

 

If you are interested in an exclusive relationship with her, have you talked to her about it?

[writergal]

OP, did you meet this woman online since you claim not to have met her in person yet? How did you meet? Why do you talk every day?

 

Your concern about where her male friend sleeps in her apartment doesn't make sense to me. For all intents and purposes she is just some stranger you presumably met online, who you aren't technically dating yet for reasons you haven't explained.

 

So, who is she to you? What does she mean to you? Are you emotionally distant because you haven't met yet? Have you even seen what each other looks like? How long have you known her?

 

When you talk to her on the phone, her male friend is there talking to her at the same time? That is tacky and definitely a red flag on her part, because if she was really invested in getting to know you she would not have two conversations going on at once with you and this other guy.

 

Until you two meet you're just two complete strangers. Decide what you want from this connection, communicate that to her, then make plans to meet in person.