Need And Support For Long Distance Guy

[Leigh 87]

I am seeking support. " it is okay Leigh we have been there before, it isn't always that bad" sort of thing.

 

SO my LDR has taken a bit of a back seat and this is why I am going to avoid instant relationships from now on.. We have decided to scale things back and get to know one another before genuinely entering into anything serious. This is a classic example of when both people have instant and intense chemistry and they fall "hard and fast", it is so easy to get carried away and fall into an insta relationship.

 

I hope my story warns others to please refrain from getting carried away.

 

I would like support as to how to relax about this current situation; me and this guy fell hard and fast, and I am naturally afraid that he will decide to pull the plug given what happened.

 

I met a guy on the 30th. We had an instant connection, and an immediate and intense but very "different" chemistry. Neither of us had felt something this intense so early on, upon first meeting someone so we both got carried away; on the first night he told me that despite his long working days and the fact he lives across the country, that he wants to make the time and effort for me and he would love me to accompany him on the train in order to see him off at the airport the following day. Of course sex was out of the question and he paid for my trip with him via train. We couldn't keep our hands off one another and yeah it was very intense.

 

He initiated texts and calls from day one, although he had warned me that he was notorious for being a non texter in general and that he honestly didn't make much effort on women he dated. He definitely comes of that way and when I met his house mate recently, she told me that he was never one to text or call.. or miss girls that he dated when he was not with them physically; she said I definitely got the special treatment from him. He also remarked to me that I was the first person he had ever just made out and kissed a girl on the street with; that he couldn't help himself with me and that this was very different for him but he liked it. I know he wasn't making it up he is definitely not the type to embrace public displays of affection.

 

I went to see him across the country as I was planning to visit either Darwin or Perth irrespective of him coming into the picture. Plus he is the one who visits my state once per month. We were dying to see one another again. He told me he couldn't wait to see me, and lamented that he missed me daily but that is all he is not one to "gush" about his feelings. Again, his house mate speculated to me that it was odd how he is a lot more forthcoming with his emotions when it comes to me than he ever has been with other girls. He bought me an expensive necklace for my birthday despite not having gotten paid from work since Christmas and he paid for my time there although on the last day I insisted on buying him lunch and a beer.

 

It was a great trip until the last night. I get really nervous when I meet a man's best friends. He told me that he wanted me to meet his best friends and that he wanted to introduce me as his girlfriend. Unfortunately, after an amazing week together, I drunk two bottles of wine and ended up insulting his German friends ( I was just talking about homosexuality, I didn't call him gay but he sort of thought I did). I also alluded to my guy hating his boss. Oops!:o:o:o

 

It was not that terrible - I still got along with his mates, we clicked well enough as people and I was not a total idiot and I can see us getting along well when I don't drink too much! My guy was understandably very upset and angry and he needed space for a few hours but then he wanted to come to bed and cuddle me and he said that he wanted to just forget about it and continue on with me as per usual. His housemate told me that she had never seen him so bothered and upset/angry before. The next day I apologised, explained that I want him to please tell his mate that I apologise and that I simply had too much to drink and that it would not happen again. My guy said he wasn't perfect either; he also wanted to continue with me as usual.... He said we would talk a lot and see each other again when I left.

 

I told him that we rushed into things and we got carried away, and that his setback had obviously made us realise that you cannot forge into a relationship too soon simply based on strong "feelings" alone; we obviously have to spend more time getting to know one another and seeing if I can indeed get along with his friends next time, among other things; overcoming obstacles together is another thing that is key in order to move successfully into a committed relationship. I asked what he wanted to do from here; he said " well, I wanted to continue on as per usual". I gave him a ways out, I asked if he wanted to have fun with others until he visits me and we establish if we are truly compatible... He said he wanted to just continue on as usual but without the pressure of being in an "instant relationship" and that he wasn't thinking about other people at all in the picture; he wanted to talk to me a lot still when apart and see me in my state when he came to visit.

 

I was relieved that he wanted to continue but of course the last day together wasn't as loved up and blissful as usual; a spanner was thrown in the works, we had our first argument that albeit it was resolved rather fast. He still went to hold my hand in the car and when walking and as I left he said " so, would you come back to Perth to visit again?" He said he was definitely going to visit me in February. He comes to my state often as it stands due to his sis living there.

 

Is it normal to have a few days or a week after a setback occurs, where you are NOT as googly eyed and loved up?

 

We also don't text one another as readily as we once did... is it normal for things to have to cool off and to have some extra space after a set back occurs?

 

Is it okay to not just bounce back right away? I know I cannot bounce back instantly when I am really into someone and I stuff up - I feel so God awful that I cannot help but feel sad....

 

All in all, the fight we had wasn't a big drama -we both wanted to just shake it off and get on with things although I was notably upset he following day which I apologised for; he was sad that I was sad and he made an effort to comfort me. He could see how bad I felt about what I did wrong. All I can do is forget about my guy for a while, let him shake it off and have the space that he needs, and I do know in my gut that we will get along well and have a wonderful time - in person- come February. I just have no idea if we will progress back into "sweet nothing" texts again (albeit his version of it:lmao:) and him texting and calling me daily. I would like nothing more than for him to still want to call and text me daily if not every second day given what happened between us, and for things to just slide into place once again.

 

So..... since we had those natural and instant sort of feelings for one another and we DID have a blast together 99% of the time, do you think there is a good chance that he is hoping that things will bounce back to usual?

 

Or is what I did enough of a deal breaker and enough to make a new guy lose feelings for you fast?

 

I was REALLY loving the thing we had going and we both agreed (he said it and I agreed) that he could see us together long term.

[Leigh 87]

I am expecting him to call it off, while at he same time expecting him to just carry on normally with things albeit without the " I miss you' texts, or the " wish I was there" texts. It could go one way or the other. I want to distract myself a lot and forget about him for now, how can I go about that? I cannot pretend I don't care a lot but I can go about distracting myself as best as I can.

 

My gut says that after a week or so and even a day or two of him not initiating and me not initiating either; we will start chatting again, we will realise how much we enjoyed talking to begin with and things will be okay; there will be a realisation that he misses me and things are heading in a good direction again.

Edited January 20, 2015 by Leigh 87

[GemmaUK]

If I were he then I would be pretty wary of someone able to drink two bottles of wine and then insulting my friends (and possibly me also).

I would have felt the same at your age s I do now at my age.

 

 

I would be taking a step back.

Sorry Leigh JMO.

He may be fine after a day or two though,

Just see what happens.