xxrevolutionxx Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Hey all, I just wanted to get some opinions... i have been with my current girlfriend now for 7 months, I know its not long but it was amazing in the beginning and i felt like i loved her more than anyone before. She had to move back to her country because of births in the family and she planned to do this even before she met me, but we decided that she was going to come back and live with me because it was so amazing. We decided i would quit work for a while and go and visit her and i did this and went out there for 9 weeks. However when i was there she suffered a bout of depression and was hard to live with, she didn’t show much love and compassion and was disinterested in sex with the antidepressants she was on and generally low sex drive with depression. We had sex about 6 times over 9 weeks but she was only doing it to make me feel happy those times. We had a few arguments and I lost my temper a few times with a few silly things because it was all getting on top of me that i travelled so far to see her, gave up my job, spent thousands on the trip etc.. I have since been back in my country for 5 weeks now and we chat on messenger everyday and do Skype every few days, she says she loves me, and i really want to love her but I am worried about if she actually does move back in a few months it will be like the time i spent with her in her country and I don’t want that, I want us both to be like it was in the beginning. Also some extra information she takes recreational drugs smokes a lot of weed and she does mdma/pills fairly regularly and coke sometimes, i myself wasn’t doing many drugs recently until i met her, I have dabbled a fair amount in the past and enjoyed consuming (Im 32 now, she is 26), i smoked a lot of weed at one point and took stimulants like speed and ecstasy now and again, but after meeting her I started doing a fair amount more which has continued since coming back with some of my friends and on my own. I think the depression on her side could be to do with not being able to afford say cocaine in her country which she would do twice a week with me. She is a good person in many ways but she has some problems in herself which I think stem from childhood which I don’t know the full extent of, I feel sometimes she can be a little self centred and lack empathy towards me and I am quite a sensitive person being a piscean. She has been a bit quiet the last few days and hasn’t spoke much on messenger but she has been doing some drugs and spending time with several of her friends. We had a Skype and i told her i loved her like we normally do and that was as she was leaving the conversation she didn’t say it. I said it again on messenger after we said goodnight and she didn’t say it back. So i asked her if she still loved me and she got really angry and defensive, saying that is was rude of me to say and I’ve put her in a bad mood and she tells me all the time she does etc etc Also whilst in her country she became pregnant and we decided the best option definitely at this stage was for her to have it which she agreed with. Anyway was just looking for an outsiders point of view on it all, why was our conversation tonight so confrontational when i just wanted some reassurance and meant nothing bad by it? do you think given the history that it is worth continuing it? Does it seem like a lost cause and cut my losses? I feel in a way that I love her, but I also feel like maybe I have fallen out of love a little with her because of all that went on in her country, i would love for that love to return like it was but realistically i do not know whether it ever will, should i just cut my losses and severe all ties? Thanks in advance for any advice. Link to post Share on other sites
okc85 Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 I didn't even finish reading this. No, don't date her. Why? Reread your post, that's why. Link to post Share on other sites
okc85 Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Wait, she's pregnant and still doing hard drugs? Is this a troll post? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxrevolutionxx Posted January 16, 2015 Author Share Posted January 16, 2015 Thanks for the replies sorry, i miscommunicated part of that we both agreed that she have an abortion whilst i was there with her because it was totally wrong timing wise and yes she was still doing drugs whilst pregnant which I wasnt particularly impressed with, although she would justify it by saying oh we arent having it anyway so there kid of a rationalisation for that. She parties with childhood friends who she was known her life and I really never worry about her cheating, she is pretty against that and I dont think theres any chance of that happening. I know it's easy to be more opinionated when theres drugs and abortion at hand as both these things trigger strong views on people but looking past that really its good to get an outsiders perspective on the whole situation. Link to post Share on other sites
CALOVELY Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Is she pregnant or not? You cannot severe ties with her if she is. If she is not, run and do not look back. Link to post Share on other sites
okc85 Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Oh my goodness. Why are you attracted to this chaos? Reread everything you wrote! You should try to figure that out. And you need to part ways with this toxic person. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Thanks for the replies sorry, i miscommunicated part of that we both agreed that she have an abortion whilst i was there with her because it was totally wrong timing wise and yes she was still doing drugs whilst pregnant which I wasnt particularly impressed with, although she would justify it by saying oh we arent having it anyway so there kid of a rationalisation for that. She parties with childhood friends who she was known her life and I really never worry about her cheating, she is pretty against that and I dont think theres any chance of that happening. I know it's easy to be more opinionated when theres drugs and abortion at hand as both these things trigger strong views on people but looking past that really its good to get an outsiders perspective on the whole situation. Are you freaking kidding me?! You cannot be seriously contemplating continuing a relationship with someone who is blatantly self-centred and self-destructive, not to mention careless and immaturee. OP, are you sure she was/is actually pregnant? It's also not clear from you post whether or not she's had this abortion. What is the status of pregnancy? Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Why would you want to be with her? My bet is that either she lost her passionate interest in you, or the drugs are catching up with her mentally, which is why things were terrible when you went and stayed there. Some people are too scared to tell the truth, that they don't want to be with you anymore, but it comes out in their actions. Perhaps she wants to keep you around for the attention and company, but has lost the strong feelings she had. Either way, it isn't looking good. I wouldn't take things any further with her if I were you. If she comes to live with you and it still feels like this, how are you both gonna handle it? Clinical depression is one thing, and a horrible illness to have, but she isn't even attempting to manage it if she is taking so many hard drugs, there's no chance for the antidepressants to work at all. She's self destructive. Link to post Share on other sites
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