LDR1027 Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 I'm in desperate need of help and advice over my relationship that I've been in for 1 year and 3 months. We went to the same college for a year of our relationship and have changed to a long distance relationship now. During our first year being together, you could say we were inseparable. I hung out with her all the time during school and even studied with her although we had different coursework. I also lived with her over the summer months and had no problem with it. Essentially, we became dependent on one another. Now, she lives 500 miles away and I don't know how to trust her. She hasn't given me a reason NOT to trust her but our conversations has decreased for various reasons beyond our control. She works full time and hangs out with her friends. She only goes out once a week and has only 4-5 hours after work for free time before she goes back to work the next morning. I would admit that I probably had this false sense of trust with her. I always knew where she was and what she was doing because we were together at all times in college. Now, she tends to her job and the opportunity to talk to her has rapidly decreased since she moved away. I asked her to be transparent with me and I get upset when I hardly hear from her. I don't know why I don't trust her. She's never had a history of cheating on her boyfriends although all of her boyfriends have cheated. I've made the mistake of cheating on my past two girlfriends (1 yr and 2 yr) but I'm 100% faithful to my current one thus far. She knows about my infidelities yet she fully trusts me. I'm upset with myself that I have trust issues. I don't want this relationship to crumble because of my personal trust issues. I've never been in a long distance relationship so how does one 'survive'? Any help/advice/questions would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 Hi LDR1027, Welcome to the LS forum. What's the plan for your relationship? You both knew college was going to be over. What was the deal after college? How often can you see her now? I think you're just worried it's going to fizzle out, and it's understandable. From your post, I don't understand how much she's expressing her feelings right now. Are you having time just for you two, for how long and how often? You're not getting feedback from her that she's still in love with you and full of passion and drive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LDR1027 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Share Posted January 16, 2015 We talked many times about being serious and moving to the next step after I graduate and go through professional school. Since she lives so far away, we would try to visit every month or so. The visits would only be for about a weekend because of my school and her new full-time job. With that said, I would be traveling to her for about the first year since she would like to keep her job. We try to talk after she gets off of work. On a normal day, I would get texts saying she loves me and such. We aren't a couple who sends novels to eachother because we save those for cards in annual occasions (valentines day & christmas etc.). I've had a bad habit of making false accusations about her. I would say it started whenever she decided to apply for jobs far from me. You're right when saying I'm worried about it going downhill. I think that's the reason why I've been acting so odd. Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 It's hard trusting other people when you know what yourself are capable off... You've got to be hard on yourself if you want to have a chance with her. You can't let your self-created mistrust get the better of you. Being skeptical and suspicious of her will drive her away. Maybe you can look for other people in your social circle who are a better example of a loyal partner than yourself, and then emulate and copy their behavior. Learn from them. Obtain their mentality. You gotta learn to trust people, the easiest way to do that is to surround yourself with trustworthy people, and then you need to become one of them. You can't be sleazy and lying like you have in the past. If you trust and love yourself you'll be able to trust and love others, i.e. your girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
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