!!! I wanna get back with my ex but there are problems...

[thewall]

Hey guys, I wanna thank you in advance for taking the time to help me, I'm really struggling with this, so thanks

 

Ok so.. Where to begin. I started dating this girl on March 1st last year and we were together until things got rocky over the summer because we tried doing long distance when she was in America and I went to New Zealand for college. That fell apart so quickly, it was kinda disturbing. I think she lost interest in me while she was away and she started feeling like talking to me was a "duty" rather than something she really wanted to do.

 

Anyway, some background info might be of help. We both live in the same city in China. I'm a senior in high school and she's a junior. I'll be graduating in June and then going off to NZ for University, while she'll be staying here for her last year of high school. When I was dating her, i fell so hard for her, I was so in love I could hardly believe it was real... then all this crap happened in the summer and we both came back and we ended up breaking up and I spent nearly a whole semester trying to convince myself that she wasn't worth my time anymore if she really wanted to get rid of me like that. But then I realized: I love this girl so much i don't want to ever live without her.

 

So I talked to her again, after being really awkward around eachother for months, and we had a really good discussion about.. well a lot of things. We talked about what went wrong in the relationship, and what we could have done better, how we've both learnt. We were both having a great time and having one of the most meaningful conversations we've ever had. it felt special. I eventually decided to tell her a still like her, and her reaction was... interesting. She said she doesn't know how she feels herself (she might like me, she might not), because it all feels so sudden to her. And then we spent the next couple of hours kinda just talking about what might happen and she kept giving me reason for why she doesn't want to date.

 

First reason, she kinda just doesn't like relationships in general she thinks they're messy (she gave this reason to me the first time i asked her out too)

Second reason, she thinks there might be too many expectations

Third reason, she doesn't want to start a relationship if it's just gonna have to end by the summer.

 

Now, honestly the way she was talking, she sounded like she was trying her best not to let herself like me because she doesn't want to get into a relationship.

Anyway, right now we're just friends ("for now" she said), and she said even if she likes me she might not tell me because she doesn't want to get into a relationship.

But here's the thing, i love this girl so much. if we got into a relationship I'd be hoping to keep it going beyond graduation. Even if we're just friends, i don't want another friendship that's just gonna end when I leave. i've already got so many of those kind of relationships that are so temporary. But i don't want to say this to her cuz I'm afraid it'll sound like i'm being too forward or something.

I just don't really know what to do anymore, cuz I desperately want to be with her, but I want her to WANT to be with me too, ya know? I just don't know how I'm gonna live without her, I honestly feel like it'll be impossible to find someone I love as much as her (which I'm sure sounds so immature and lame but I really think it's true)

 

if you guys have any questions about all that, feel free to ask. i hope it's not too confusing lol..

 

Thanks

[evanescentworld]

You can't 'want' enough for both of you.

 

You need to walk away from this.

 

Once they've dumped you, it's up to them to reconcile and work to get YOU back.

But you can't get THEM back.

 

That;s not how it works.

They dumped you for a reason.

That reason is, because it's over.

 

Sorry, but rather than pine and sound 'immature and lame' you have to man up, face it, and walk away.

[preraph]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but she's moving on. She has affection for you and is struggling to keep from outright hurting your feelings, but she's told you every way possible she doesn't want a relationship and that means she wants her freedom from you. Her saying doesn't know how she feels about you is just her trying not to hurt your feelings. She knows you love her and that you are a nice guy and doesn't want to hurt you, but neither does she still want to be your girlfriend. So instead of saying she doesn't want you for a boyfriend anymore, she gave you every impersonal logistical excuse instead.

 

Young romances rarely last into adulthood. And if one party isn't as invested as the other, there's no chance. I think holding onto her as a friend would only hold you back from dating other girls. Don't wait for her because she's moved on. I'm sorry. I know it hurts.

[justwhoiam]

You can't 'want' enough for both of you.

^^^

Essentially this.