* , Angry, and battling rollercoaster emotions towards my LDR*

[jitterbugme]

So basically I have resorted to this. Not that I do not appreciate one's opinions but I have always thought I could rely on those close to me to make me feel 100% better and I do not.

 

So, I stepped into a LDR almost 6 months ago after being single for 3 months. This may have been too soon for some people but for me I was really swept off my feet. My last relationship was very toxic and he became a breath of fresh air. I'll admit, I do not like completely being alone so let me say that's not always healthy.

 

Anyway, me and my BF live about two hours away. We started out really well, seeing each other on the weekends and on my end I upped it an extra day due to my schedule flexibility. I was not expecting him to compensate me by doing the same thing when he came to my house. Well, he took on a new position at work and so did I. While my schedule hasn't changed much besides the work load I still have kept to having the days off that I thought we'd both have together. He ended up working on the day I have off and me on one of the days we have off and sometimes he will even go in on that day. In the beginning, he would say that he didn't want to lose me and that he was afraid I would feel our distance would be too much etc. Well, it was hard but now it is harder. Somehow someway my emotions are on a rollercoaster. I have been crying, angry and just want more.

 

We'll be going this time for two weeks without seeing each other which is the longest. He has tried to communicate more but some days I cannot take it. We have talked about marriage and children and next year finally being together in a new place. I want all of this it is just right now I don't know how to cope. My emotions are tearing me apart and I am very depressed. I get actual separation anxiety when I am not with him. I know this sounds really silly. I am very aware of it. But I have had nobody affect me the way he does. I know I have underlying issues as far as emotional problems and anger outbursts so I started seeing someone recently.

 

I have told him all I am going through and he keeps trying to reassure me but now it is not good enough. We text every day, Skype at least once a week and if I were to ask he would call. But sometimes I think he wants me to take the initiative for me to ask him to call. He does suggest Skype usually at least once or twice a week.

 

I don't really have any questions for anyone other than is there anybody who experiences these feelings and does it get better? And. I must note I have anxiety almost all day until he texts me. I know that is very unhealthy and I blame myself for getting this attached. What can I do to detach a little so I don't have to feel this way? I am very tired of him telling me it will get better because I am past that. It makes me furious because I have had so many broken promises.

 

I am having real problems and everything is written on my face and in my texts. I just don't think he realizes how tormented I am. And I also like to say I have a habit of having rollercoaster relationships. How in the world do I just wait and be patient? I know that if I broke up with him he would shut down and the guilt would kick in for me and I would try to talk to him but he would not respond.

Edited January 9, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited for paragraphs.

[Satu]

Thats better.

Edited January 9, 2015 by Satu

[Satu]

I think the problem here is that you suffer from anxiety and depression

 

That much is obvious.

 

The other and bigger problem, is that your anxiety and depression have become attached to him in your mind, when it's not really being caused by him.

 

Your anxiety and depression have latched onto him, as if he can be a vessel to contain it.

 

If you want this relationship to prosper, you should see your doctor and discuss meds and therapy.

 

That is the real and only solution.

Edited January 9, 2015 by Satu

[Ana Elsbeth]

I'm actually in a very similar situation right now. My relationship has been going on for about 6 months and has been LD for the past three. I have suffered from anxiety and depression for about a decade now, and am only just starting to allow myself to heal through therapy and am about to meet with my doctor to discuss meds.

 

Being anxious and depressed and insecure and also being in a LDR is really, really hard. Luckily, though, you seem to have an understanding of your issues and are willing to work on them. I completely understand being scared of the changes in the relationship, and that desperate feeling of wanting everything RIGHT NOW. It's extremely frustrating to know what you want but have it be just out of reach. From what you've written, it really seems like your partner is doing his best to be supportive, and that's really all you can ask for right now. Ultimately, you have to be willing to put in the work to battle your demons so that you can bring your best self to the relationship.

 

Something I do when I'm feeling desperate and hopeless is to write out the feelings as I'm going through them. Then I wait until I've calmed down and am in a better state of mind, and go back to what I've written and think of how I can use it to better communicate to my BF just how difficult a time this is for me. If I go to him when I'm in the middle of my anger and desperation, it only makes him feel hopeless and at fault, which ends up making me feel even worse in the long run. We can only ask so much of another person, and we can't control relationships past the extent of putting our best effort into them.

 

So yeah, it's hard. It's really effing hard. And it'll be a much slower process than you'd like it to be. But it WILL get easier if you're willing to work on it. That's the first step, and it sounds like you're taking it. I know it feels messy and complicated, but just try to focus on taking it one day at a time and communicating as clearly and calmly as you can. When you feel overwhelmed with negative emotions, try your best to shift that energy away from yourself or your BF. Do something physical (and safe). Write it out. Talk to your therapist. Take deep breaths. You're not hopeless, and neither is your LDR.