RosyLove Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Hello, im in a ldr and my bf and I made this deal that we wont masturbate alone like ever, that we only do it together... And I totally trust him... So I have masturbated alone :/ and I feel so guilty I've done this like 5 times.... And we're together for 10 months already... I feel so guilty but I just cant tell him he would be way too upset maybe even not trust me anymore and even if he has also done this... I don't care cause it doesn't change that I betray him. I feel so horrible and guilty... What should I do?! Link to post Share on other sites
JaneDoe12 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 I know this is a sensitive issue and really depends on each person's morals, but personally I don't think your promise makes sense. Masturbating is a normal thing that most people in the world do, I wouldn't feel guilty for doing it or would see it as cheating on my SO. It was one thing if one of you (or both) prefered masturbating to actually being together, but that doesn't seem to be the case. Every once in a while it's normal and it will happen, especially when you are in a LDR. Anyway, considering you guys promised only to do it together, you should tell him and be honest. Something tells me that maybe he will understand because there's a very big chance he did it too. Just be honest and see how he reacts. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 I don't care what sort of "pact" the two of you made. If you don't think your bf hasn't masturbated by himself and just hasn't told you, you're nuts. Odds are, he has. Many times. If he hasn't, then you ought to wonder what's wrong with him. More importantly, where did you two get the weird idea that masturbating only together somehow demonstrates your love and loyalty to one another? How old are you two? Twelve? Best, TMichaels Link to post Share on other sites
melell Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 is this real life Link to post Share on other sites
toscaroscura Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Masturbation, to me, is like my bathroom habits. Utterly private and no one's business but mine. Maybe this pact feels romantic to you or something, but I question the motives of a man who would be so upset to learn that his GF masturbated on her own as if it were cheating. If this was his idea and he'd really be very angry with you, then he sounds absurdly controlling. If you are inflicting this guilt upon yourself and he wouldn't be angry with you, you needn't be so hard on yourself. It's your body and your business. It is not cheating in any way, shape or form. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Hello, im in a ldr and my bf and I made this deal that we wont masturbate alone like ever, that we only do it together... And I totally trust him... So I have masturbated alone :/ and I feel so guilty I've done this like 5 times.... And we're together for 10 months already... I feel so guilty but I just cant tell him he would be way too upset maybe even not trust me anymore and even if he has also done this... I don't care cause it doesn't change that I betray him. I feel so horrible and guilty... What should I do?! Trust me, pretty much guarantee that he's whacked a few off in the shower. If you've done it, he's done it. Maybe the deal wasn't such a great idea. What you do alone isn't cheating or betraying him. Or him masturbating isn't betraying you either. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Have you and your boyfriend met? Have you had sex? How old are both of you? When will either or both of you move to be together? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 The 'pact' both of you made is really just unrealistic IMO. Sure it sounds sweet and fun but relationships are as much about reality as they are about fantasy. How old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 How will this relationship bring any joy if you have to spend it feeling ashamed and guilt ridden? I think after it happened the first time you should have just came clean to your boyfriend and said "I can't keep this end of the bargain". But, you didn't feel you could do that...why not? The fact that you feel unable to be honest with your partner about your shortcomings and mess ups could be telling. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddy Street Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 That's funny. This guy is ridiculous and a hypocrite. Guys can't go without masturbating for more than two days on average and it's unhealthy if the do so for more than 3 days, they need to clean their pipes so to speak. You should definitely masturbate, and do so thinking about somebody who is the polar opposite of him in every respect. You know what, screw that. Go ahead and find yourself a new man. LDR's fail inevitably, you are in your prime and are being missed, if you don't have to live with that, don't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 my bf and I made this deal that we wont masturbate alone Who came up with this deal? I have masturbated alone :/ and I feel so guilty I've done this like 5 times Well, if the idea was yours to begin with, and if you need time alone to think of someone else, then I understand why you're not feeling OK. Is that your case? Also, do you have a time difference? I just cant tell him he would be way too upset Why do you think he'd be very upset? Do you have other instances to relate to? Did he say something about that, like hypothetically speaking? even if he has also done this... I don't care cause it doesn't change that I betray him The first thing you need to assess is why you are using the word "betray". You can let someone down for not keeping a promise, you can be mad at yourself for not being strong enough, etc. But "betray"? Please see the reasons that lead you to thinking the way you do. Also, the fact that you think you can't tell your boyfriend the truth is kind of worrisome. You surely know his temper and his personality, but what if you had to tell him something more serious than this? You should be able to tell him almost anything. We live 6 hours apart from one another. If I were in your shoes, I'd just tell him that he turns me on so much that I couldn't wait any longer, that I was missing him too much and I had to think of him. The same would also work if you knew he was not going to be around for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 there are varying levels of masturbating: lying in bed while thinking of him sitting at your computer or reading a magazine looking at pictures of men watching a romantic movie on tv sitting at your computer looking at porn sitting at your computer camming with another stranger are you saying ALL of those are off limits? the first three are pretty innocent and EVERY person probably does those. first you should NOT feel guilty about any of those. especially if it is a monogamous LDR and you are horny, and need to masturbate to avoid cheating on him! so either keep it hidden from him, or talk to him and re-negotiate this agreement. If you want to keep it a secret, install a program like CCleaner to clean out all the browser cache memory and browser history, and run it every day. Also surf the web with an incognito window. that will keep him from finding anything on your computer if he searches. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts