First Break Up Ever

[JaneDoe12]

I think I first posted this in the wrong section (LDR), I apologize for that.

 

I'm leaving my situation here instead.

 

Hi guys. I'd like to start by saying I'm glad I found this place. I feel so depressed, confused and lost that I have to let it all out.

 

I was in a LDR for 1 and a half years and it all ended 5 days ago. This was my first relationship ever, the first guy I fell in love with and I'm just so lost. It hurts so much that sometimes I can't even understand everything I am feeling.

 

We met online but then things evolved and we met face to face and after a few months spending some time together (never more than a day at each time) we decided to start dating. I just know that I was really in love with him and I imagined spending my life with him. I've had a lot of family issues and wetalked about that. He was always so supportive and sweet to me. He understood me and gave me strenght not to crumble down. Our relationship was so honest and truthful. We talked about everything without any problem, we discussed the good and bad things in the relationship, how we could improve them and so on. The distance sucked but we skyped every day and that made us feel close and connected to each other.

 

He was an only child and still living with his mother but he had a lot of freedom, he could go anywhere anytime he wanted. I'm also still living with my parents and even though I'm 22 (he was 21) I never had the freedom that he had. A lot of times he asked me if I wanted to go spend a weekend with him somewhere but I couldn't go because my parents wouldn't let me spend a weekend alone with him. I grew apart from my parents and my sister while I was with him because I felt like they were hurting my relationship and didn't respect my freedom. My now ex-boyfriend said he understood but I knew deep down he was just frustrated with it all.

 

8 months after we started dating he said he felt like the distance was making it hard for him to focus on me. It was like he pushed me to the back of his mind when we spent more than 2 or 3 weeks without seeing each other. He said it was like there was something, a 'click' missing and he started doubting his own feelings for me. I was heartbroken and told him that even though we didn't see each other every day I still felt close to him and that the distance didn't stop me from thinking about him everyday. I told him to think about it very seriously because I wasn't going to allow him to treat me as his personal doll with whom he could do anything he wanted. On the next day, he came to me, hugged me and said it had been just a temporary feeling and that it would never happen again. He said he felt that 'click' right when he hugged me. I decided to give him another chance because it didn't make sense to me to end things at the first setback.

 

After that we agreed that we would try to be together at least once a week and so we did. Things were great and back to normal with us talking about everything and just being each other's best friends. He even told me some times he was more and more convinced I was the 'one', the woman of his dreams and that he wanted to stay with me forever. Obviously, I was completely ecstatic about it and I felt whole and complete whenever I was with him.

 

Until a few days ago we had a conversation on skype and he told me again that he was having a hard time focusing on me, due to the distance. He would show up late on skype without telling me anything (when he had always done it) because he wouldn't even realize time was passing by (which meant he didn't even think about me to tell me something about showing up late). He said that he felt like there was no 'click' anymore and that he didn't know if he could handle being in a LDR for many more years. He told me he couldn't fulfill what I demanded from the relationship and said that maybe his heart just wasn't in it as mine was. Once again, he started doubting his own feelings for me. I knew right there that there was no turning back and that I couldn't disrespect myself and stay in a relationship where I was only loved part-time.

 

I told him to come see me on the next day because the next step couldn't be taken through skype. So he came and we agreed it was for the best to end things. He said that he was sure that if I were there with him all the time he would be able to focus on me as I wanted him to and that he would have that 'click' he felt it was missing. He said there was just no chemistry and that killed me. It was just so abrupt and shocking. If one week ago somebody had told me this would happen I would laugh at them. It was so unexpected. And that hurts even more.

 

Things ended in a very civilized way. We even hugged each other and wished the best to one another. But right now I'm just angry and frustrated. I once visited him unexpectedly when the day before we had been talking I realized he was in a pretty ****ty place so I went there and surprised him to see if he cheered up. He never did the same thing for me. He said he missed me but he never once got in the train and came to me. I invited him to spend some days at my countryhouse and he did. After days pleading my parents, they let me go spend a weekend with his uncles. I did everything I could and I basically dedicated my life to him while we were together and he never did the same thing for me. And this hurts like hell, the feeling that you did everything you could but that still wasn't enough.

 

I feel like he never really loved me and never really accepted who I was and my baggage, that my freedom wasn't the freedom that he had. And I'm so pissed off because if he truly loved me I don't think distance would have mattered if his heart was in the right place. He was just too self-absorbed and selfish to think about what he wanted and he wasn't able to adapt to reality. He wasn't able to do that, not even for me.

 

And does this hurt. He was the first guy I kissed, the first guy I did sexual things with, the first guy I had intense feelings for and having my heart broken this way is just so painful. I feel completely alone in this world. I don't have many friends and the ones I have I only talk to them once or twice in a month because they're very busy. My parents try to control my every move and I just don't have enough money and can't even find a job to get my independence. Because I felt so lonely, I lived for this guy. Talking to him was always the best part of my days and I thought about him in everything that I did. I stopped living for myself and started living for him, with him being that safe place that I had to go to. And I knew that was wrong of me to do but I couldn't help it. I don't even know if I was codependent or not but it hurts very much. I feel abandoned and alone, like I don't even know myself and who I am.

 

People tell me I have to move on but I feel like that's trying to walk with just one leg. He was a great part of my life and now all of that is just... gone.

 

I feel so depressed and lost I've even started having suicidal thoughts. I won't do it because I know how that would kill my family, especially my sister. But if I were all alone, I could see myself doing it.

 

I've resisted the urge to talk to him ever since we ended things but his birthday is in a few days and I had already ordered his gift so I asked for his address on the day we ended the relationship and told him he'd receive something because I had already bought it and didn't want to keep it. I've written a little story about us and how I feel and I'm thinking about sending it to him, together with the gift, but I'm not sure what to do.

 

Can anyone relate to this? Please help me, I've never felt this way before. Thank you.

[PaperCrane]

I can relate. I had a intense LDR that was about a year in length. The first girl I ever told that I loved them. The distance was hard but despite it ending poorly and all that I don't regret what happened.

 

One can't always control the situations they face, and that's fine, it's life. Don't feel bad about falling in love. Just make sure you're setting yourself up to learn from this.

 

As for the birthday stuff, if I were the guy I'd see it as a genuine nice gesture but he could also be annoyed. If you send it, send it for yourself, without any attached hopes and just let it be afterwards. It is probably something you need to do as well seeing as this is your first love. Just remember, detach emotion after you drop it in the mailbox.

 

Afterwards though you should cut contact. Start writing in a journal about your feelings and then reflect on why you wrote what you did. Each day will get easier, I will promise that.

[Elle1975]

AH LDR.. it's tough.

 

Don't send the birthday gift. It will be seen as an attempt to reconcile, and that's something that needs to come from him, not you.

 

First break ups are hard, more will come (hopefully not many! ). Understand that it is not the end of the world. By this I want to say that there is a guy out there for you. This ex wasn't it.

 

Don't throw all your love onto this guy. YOU are the prize, not him. You can be strong, successful, happy. He doesn't want to be with you? Guess what, someone else does. Find this person.

 

Consciously decide to get better. Fight the sadness, spend time with your friends, you family. It will suck at first, but eventually it will slowly get better.

[JaneDoe12]

Thanks for the answers, Elle1975 and PaperCrane.

 

I've been really torn about the story. The gift I will send it to him because I don't want to keep it and be reminded of everything that happened. On the day we broke up I told him I had already bought him something and that I would send it to him and he was okay with it.But I think I won't send the story, even though I'm dying to scream what I wrote there just so he can listen.

 

I just feel abandoned. He knew how much I needed him and he still left. I have also been reading some things and I believe I may suffer from codependency, I seem to have all the symptons. He was a narcissist and apparently what happened between us is quite common. All the relationships between codependents and narcissists have similar roots and we sure fitted that description.

 

The sad part is that it still hurts and I still miss him, even knowing all of this.

[Halcyon]

Jane my ex broke up with me because I bought her a Christmas present, I know that sounds ridiculous and it is. Don't send the present it won't do any good.

 

Very sorry to hear about your breakup. It sucks but you will feel better in time I promise.

[Simon Phoenix]

Sending a present after you break up with someone is a massive faux pas. That's sending a huge conflicting signal. Either keep it, give it to someone else or sell it on eBay or something.

[broken77]

"I knew right there that there was no turning back and that I couldn't disrespect myself and stay in a relationship where I was only loved part-time."

 

proud of you! and don't send it! you'll regret it.

things will get better and you'll find a new love. promise

[Elle1975]

Nop, don't send it. He doesn't deserve it. You don't want to keep the gift around? Donate it to the Salvation Army, or someone you like.

 

Don't give a gift to someone you described as being a narcissist; that will only cement his position, and yours.

 

Think about it .. Codependency and sending this gift to someone who rejected you? Mhh..

[PaperCrane]

Nop, don't send it. He doesn't deserve it. You don't want to keep the gift around? Donate it to the Salvation Army, or someone you like.

 

Don't give a gift to someone you described as being a narcissist; that will only cement his position, and yours.

 

Think about it .. Codependency and sending this gift to someone who rejected you? Mhh..

 

Yeah I can see that. I'll switch my vote to not sending.

[JaneDoe12]

I understand what you guys are saying and I appreciate it but I already told him I'd send it. Isn't it bad for me to not send it now, especially with us having ended things on friendly terms? I'm conflicted.

 

And I forgot to say that he gave me the Christmas gift he had already bought for me, on the day we broke up.

Edited December 26, 2014 by JaneDoe12

[Simon Phoenix]

I understand what you guys are saying and I appreciate it but I already told him I'd send it. Isn't it bad for me to not send it now, especially with us having ended things on friendly terms? I'm conflicted.

 

And I forgot to say that he gave me the Christmas gift he had already bought for me, on the day we broke up.

 

No, it sends the wrong message.

[JaneDoe12]

I know that in normal circumstances I wouldn't send it. Perhaps my mistake was telling him about it in the first place, but I explained it to him that sending him the gift didn't mean anything. To me it was just a useless and insignificant thing and I had already bought it so I could as well give it to him. He said he understood and he did the same thing with the Christmas gift. Oh well...

[Halcyon]

It's does mean something though you are trying to win him over. Be honest you are sending it for your own reasons not for him. You guys broke up, you owe him nothing last thing I would be doing is sending exes presents. A close friend of mine made this very mistake for Christmas I had the same argument with him. He got an incredibly venomous text from his ex for his efforts which sent him spiralling back in his recovery.

 

Don't send it!

[justwhoiam]

Hi Jane,

 

Welcome to the LS forums.

 

I think you shouldn't have suicidal thoughts at 22, because it's just wise not to. I remember when I was 22:

 

- I have changed 6 jobs since then, and my life has evolved professionally

- I didn't have a child back then, the joy of my life

- I didn't have a husband yet

- I didn't know my present partner

- I hadn't traveled 3 continents yet, and I love traveling

- I didn't have my own house back then

- I didn't know some of the good friends I know now

- I was living with my parents and didn't have a good relationship with my father; now that I live on my own, it's a lot better

- My foster daughter wasn't born yet

- My niece and nephew were not born yet

There are so many more things happened that made my life worth living. I'm sure you'd be missing out on the best part of your life. So, while I understand you feeling low, don't think of dying because of a break up with your first crush. We've all been there, we've all felt that, most of us have cried too. It's just the way it goes in almost every life.

 

The gift I will send it to him because I don't want to keep it and be reminded of everything that happened.

So, don't you think he might not want to be reminded of you? Regardless of what he says, that might be the case.

 

I'm dying to scream what I wrote there just so he can listen.

And then? What would you get by doing so? Nothing. Actually, it'd turn against you. That's just pathetic.

 

I'm not sure what happened in your relationship, but I sense that the excuse for the break up was just dumb. I mean, you were seeing each other every week, that couldn't be the reason to fall out of love.

Maybe he realized you were more like a friend to him than a girlfriend. Which means less romance and less to zero sex.

You said you did sexual things with him, but that doesn't say much about the kind of intimacy you had.

First of all, you were able to spend the night out with him just once in 1.5 years. And even then, I'm not sure about the privacy you could have.

But, what about before that time? You said you were only meeting for one day, during the day. What kind of intimacy were you able to have with him?

Maybe the future you were offering was not what he had imagined. And that was what made him doubtful about you.

Furthermore, maybe the intimacy he had with you was not fulfilling as he had expected. Or you became more like a sister...

 

And having a set binding time to skype is always a bad idea. I think being flexible is the best way to go. Because life is full of unforeseen events/unexpected facts, and you also need some freedom, some margin, especially at 21!

 

He knew how much I needed him and he still left.

Your high level of neediness cannot be a good reason not to leave you. On the contrary, the more you get suffocating, the more a guy is willing to just want out.

 

He was a narcissist

How was he a narcissist? It looks like he behaved fairly most of the time. I guess you should let others judge if he was a narcissist, because you might not be objective. Especially right now, being the break up so fresh.

 

Anyway, you are free not to send him anything. Even if you told him you would, you can just say in a couple of weeks: I'm sorry your package got lost. That must be a sign. Bye.

 

And then you stop talking to him for good.

 

Jane my ex broke up with me because I bought her a Christmas present.

What?! That doesn't really make sense. I don't get it. Is she an atheist and got offended about you giving a gift?

[hoping2heal]

Hi Op,

 

You said that even though you are 22 you do not have the freedom he did. You mention not being able to go away with him for a weekend because your Parents would not let you? Could you explain this?

[JaneDoe12]

Thanks for the welcome, justwhoiam.

 

But this wasn't just some crush. I really was in love with this guy.

 

Hi Jane,

 

So, don't you think he might not want to be reminded of you? Regardless of what he says, that might be the case.

 

Yes, that is a good point. I had never thought about his perspective and what it would mean to him.

 

I'm not sure what happened in your relationship, but I sense that the excuse for the break up was just dumb. I mean, you were seeing each other every week, that couldn't be the reason to fall out of love.

Maybe he realized you were more like a friend to him than a girlfriend. Which means less romance and less to zero sex.

You said you did sexual things with him, but that doesn't say much about the kind of intimacy you had.

First of all, you were able to spend the night out with him just once in 1.5 years. And even then, I'm not sure about the privacy you could have.

But, what about before that time? You said you were only meeting for one day, during the day. What kind of intimacy were you able to have with him?

Maybe the future you were offering was not what he had imagined. And that was what made him doubtful about you.

Furthermore, maybe the intimacy he had with you was not fulfilling as he had expected. Or you became more like a sister...

 

We never actually had intercourse, just stimulation and oral sex. Most of it happened at his place, when his mom was out and we had the entire place for ourselves. Other than that there was never really much privacy but we both talked about it and although we wished we could do more things and have more privacy, we acknowledged that just wasn't possible for us.

 

He said that he imagined a great future for us but that he wasn't happy with our current situation and he said he couldn't dismiss the present for something that looked ideal in the future. He said he was ready for "real" sex (he was and is a virgin) but I was waiting for a special moment. Actually, a few weeks before breaking up I had decided I was going to have sex with him. I had already gone to the doctor and everything, but then this happened. On the day we broke up he asked me what I thought about us never really having sex and if that had had any influence. I told him I hoped it hadn't because we were still being sexual (although I know it's not really the same thing) but I wanted to believe that he would have waited as long as it took for me to be ready for it. And I told him the issue wasn't just lack of sex, it was really a question of feelings and how he didn't like me the way I liked him. Then I asked him what he thoughtof it, if it had had any influence and he just told me he didn't know the answer to that question.

 

How was he a narcissist? It looks like he behaved fairly most of the time. I guess you should let others judge if he was a narcissist, because you might not be objective. Especially right now, being the break up so fresh.

 

He was always saying life and people sucked. He would get mad and depressed whenever a steward would try to be nice to us, going on and on how people were ignorant and how it was unfair for the world to award people like that and so on. He was often self-absorbed and would get mad when things weren't done his way. Whenever we argued, I tried to break free of the discussion but he would just keep on talking and talking, twisting what I'd said and purposedly trying to trap me so I told him he was right. Usually it always ended with me telling him he was right because I was just tired of discussing and wanted it all to end. He liked being depressed because he enjoyed feeling the pain. Once he even told me he that maybe he had some kind of narcissistic personality disorder.

 

I'll have to think about the gift but maybe I won't send it and tell him it got lost.

 

Should I wish him a happy birthday? I definitely don't want any sort of reconciliation but a part of me feels bad for not saying anything when we ended things on friendly terms and told each other we'd be there if the other needed anything.

 

Now I dream I'm talking to him every night. It hurts so much waking up and being hit by reality. This sucks.

 

Hi Op,

 

You said that even though you are 22 you do not have the freedom he did. You mention not being able to go away with him for a weekend because your Parents would not let you? Could you explain this?

 

I'm 22 and I live in a country with a major economic crisis. Young people basically can't have jobs. I've tried this past year to get anything and I found nothing. So I'm stuck with my parents, who are very traditional people. They oppress me and put me inside this little bubble so I can never get hurt. Obviously, when I got a boyfriend they were always telling me to save myself for marriage and all of that. They only let me go once on a weekend with him and that was because my ex's uncle would be with us. Other than that, they wouldn't allow me to stay away for the night. Of course my ex's free lifestyle clashed with this. I always felt like I was being pulled to one side, then to another and it was very hard to me. Because I was in love I started pulling the rope more for my ex's side and distanced myself from my parents. But apparently that still wasn't enought for my ex.

[justwhoiam]

this wasn't just some crush. I really was in love with this guy.

You will only know later on in your life.

 

We never actually had intercourse, just stimulation and oral sex. Most of it happened at his place

...

there was never really much privacy

...

he wasn't happy with our current situation and he said he couldn't dismiss the present for something that looked ideal in the future. He said he was ready for "real" sex (he was and is a virgin)

...

On the day we broke up he asked me what I thought about us never really having sex and if that had had any influence.

He gave you the clue. He definitely did.

Also, it surprises me to know you were several times at his place, but had to ask him for his home address to be able to send him a gift, after a 1.5-year relationship.

 

we were still being sexual

There'd be more to be said regarding this topic. Was he giving you oral? Or was it just you? Maybe he needed a partner who was more open about sex- I don't want to turn this all about sex, but as I said, there's more to it. Sex has a lot to do with building intimacy, trust, freedom, joy, positivity, openness, complicity, etc. All things that seemed to be missing in your relationship. One thing is having to wait a bit (which he did) and one thing is realizing that the wait won't lead you to what you were hoping for.

 

He would get mad and depressed whenever a steward would try to be nice to us

I don't understand this. Either there was a reason behind that or he has psychological issues.

The description you gave about this guy is totally negative, which makes me suspicious.

 

Should I wish him a happy birthday?

No. Act indifferent. Move on. Don't look back. Do not contact him, not even to wish him happy birthday. He needs to realize what he lost.

 

I live in a country with a major economic crisis. Young people basically can't have jobs. I've tried this past year to get anything and I found nothing.

It's not that I don't believe you, but you are giving us your version of the story.

How many CVs did you send out?

Were they personalized based on the company you were contacting and its industry?

What kind of jobs were you seeking? Because the market might not offer those jobs, but be in need of others.

 

So I'm stuck with my parents, who are very traditional people. They oppress me and put me inside this little bubble so I can never get hurt.

You can't blame your parents. You need to take responsibility for your own choices. Probably they are still treating you the way they used to when you were younger. You need to take action if you want things to change.

The guy who will come next will have to face the same issues. The dynamics might ruin your next relationships too. So think well about this all.

[JaneDoe12]

You will only know later on in your life.

 

 

He gave you the clue. He definitely did.

Also, it surprises me to know you were several times at his place, but had to ask him for his home address to be able to send him a gift, after a 1.5-year relationship.

 

Why is it weird? I'm not good at memorizing addresses or anything else for that matter. I don't see why it's so weird.

 

There'd be more to be said regarding this topic. Was he giving you oral? Or was it just you? Maybe he needed a partner who was more open about sex- I don't want to turn this all about sex, but as I said, there's more to it. Sex has a lot to do with building intimacy, trust, freedom, joy, positivity, openness, complicity, etc. All things that seemed to be missing in your relationship. One thing is having to wait a bit (which he did) and one thing is realizing that the wait won't lead you to what you were hoping for.

 

Well, I was ready for it and I told him about it, but he realized he had commitment issues before we could actually do it. And yes, the oral was both ways and he even said more than once that he didn't mind not having sex because oral was amazing enough for him. I understand sex is important, that's why I was ready and did everything I had to do before sleeping with him. What I don't understand is how sex would have made things any different in the grand scheme of things. If he didn't feel connected to me and found it hard to commit to me, I don't think sex would've changed that. At best, it would've delayed what happened.

 

I don't understand this. Either there was a reason behind that or he has psychological issues.

The description you gave about this guy is totally negative, which makes me suspicious.

 

It's not trying to be negative, I'm telling you some of the things that he did that always made me think he could be a narcissist. Trust me, I was in love with the guy even with all the issues he seemed to have. And he has billions of wonderful qualities as well. I'm certainly not trying to make him look like the devil, it's just very hard to explain.

 

He hated dumb and ignorant people, he was very ellitist and considered himself intellectually superior to most people. The steward example was to show how many of these people were just doing their jobs and trying to be nice, using friendly vocabulary and trying to be 'cool' and 'young' and he would really freak out at these normal and usual things, always complaining about how the world was full of ignorants and how there was no hope left. Even when some driving classes didn't go so well for him he would leave completely depressed, thinking about how life makes no sense, how he was just there waiting to die and these kind of things. I helped him go through these situations but I always told him he had to be careful because it wasn't normal to get into such negative spiralling thoughts for small things such as interaction with stewards or driving classes.

 

It's not that I don't believe you, but you are giving us your version of the story.

How many CVs did you send out?

Were they personalized based on the company you were contacting and its industry?

What kind of jobs were you seeking? Because the market might not offer those jobs, but be in need of others.

 

All kinds of jobs. In my area and in things that have nothing to do with it, such as stores, restaurants, cafés and so on. And yes, most of them were personalized. The thing is that here, if you deliver your CV with your qualifications and you are too qualified (I'm taking a Master's) they won't call you because they have to pay you according to your qualifications. I didn't want to lie/omit my qualifications but now I'm realizing that maybe that's what I have to do to find something to do.

 

You can't blame your parents. You need to take responsibility for your own choices. Probably they are still treating you the way they used to when you were younger. You need to take action if you want things to change.

The guy who will come next will have to face the same issues. The dynamics might ruin your next relationships too. So think well about this all.

 

Well, when they're bullies who emotionally abuse of me, yes, I can blame them. And of course I tried taking action but I was never successful. The thing is that I don't want to lose them either because I'll be living under the bridge if I move out and I still love them, even if they suffocate me.

[justwhoiam]

Why is it weird? I'm not good at memorizing addresses or anything else for that matter. I don't see why it's so weird.

It is. Especially about the person you're so in love with.

 

What I don't understand is how sex would have made things any different in the grand scheme of things.

Because it helps making the connection. It can enhance or kill the chemistry. It's revealing.

 

All kinds of jobs. In my area and in things that have nothing to do with it, such as stores, restaurants, cafés and so on. And yes, most of them were personalized. The thing is that here, if you deliver your CV with your qualifications and you are too qualified (I'm taking a Master's) they won't call you because they have to pay you according to your qualifications. I didn't want to lie/omit my qualifications but now I'm realizing that maybe that's what I have to do to find something to do.

I don't know what country we're talking about. But it looks like you didn't fully get what 'personalised' means. If you are applying to be a waitress in a small café in the suburbs, a degree in science or a master in English literature won't mean much. You need to highlight qualities and experiences that you can bring into the workplace. That's what can land you a job.

 

I tried taking action but I was never successful.

Change strategy. The one you were using proved not to work.

 

Good luck.

[JaneDoe12]

Yes, it's my fault. I shall try harder. Thanks.

[JaneDoe12]

Because it helps making the connection. It can enhance or kill the chemistry. It's revealing.

 

And I know this. I never said it didn't matter. But our issues weren't just down to sex or no sex. If the core issue were his feelings we could be romping every single day that this would've happened any way. The sex would help short term, never in the long term. I won't feel guilty for not having had sex with him, that's for sure.

[justwhoiam]

The sex would help short term, never in the long term. I won't feel guilty for not having had sex with him, that's for sure.

I guess the issue lied in your attitude, that he learned over time, not in the sex itself. That, or he just couldn't feel the spark when he was with you. Anyway, look ahead now.

[JaneDoe12]

I'm sorry if I'm taking it the wrong way but are you trying to make me feel worse? Yes, since I was part of the relationship of course I'm at fault for it ending. But he is too, especially because he could never accept me for who I really am.

 

I'm not asking for people to feel sorry for me and I don't want that, but I've come here to just let it all out and seek some soothing words and maybe I've read it the wrong way but the last couple of things you posted have only made me feel even ****tier and like this was all my fault, especially after I told you about the emotionally abusive parents and why I was saying my ex could be a narcissist and you never mentioned it again.

[justwhoiam]

Hi Jane,

 

I think you are taking it the wrong way. What I mean is: you can learn from the past to be happier in the future. The future is in your hands. So look ahead now. Work on your personal goals. I know it's not easy after a breakup. Be strong.

 

I do sense his side of the story is totally missing here, so I can't really say it's all your fault, or completely his fault, or 50/50. I'm not able to assess that. But you can look into the things that can be improved for your next relationship, even if now everything's so fresh, that I'm sure a next relationship is the farthest thing from your mind.

[okc85]

I'm sorry if I'm taking it the wrong way but are you trying to make me feel worse? Yes, since I was part of the relationship of course I'm at fault for it ending. But he is too, especially because he could never accept me for who I really am.

 

I'm not asking for people to feel sorry for me and I don't want that, but I've come here to just let it all out and seek some soothing words and maybe I've read it the wrong way but the last couple of things you posted have only made me feel even ****tier and like this was all my fault, especially after I told you about the emotionally abusive parents and why I was saying my ex could be a narcissist and you never mentioned it again.

 

Are you in Spain?