4 year relationship just ended a week ago

[Ani]

I had purchased the flight to see her, but she ended it 3 days before the flight. Told me if I got on the flight she would call security, and create this big mess so I didn't go.

 

I guess I just need to post this somewhere but here it goes..

 

I met you 4 years ago in an online gaming site and liked you that instant we first talk, i liked you, something about you was amazing and I truly loved the way you saw the world. I knew you lived 23 hours away from me but I thought **** the distance! I want you to be mine.

 

On September 28th we began dating, on your birthday, it was the greatest day of my life. Telling you that I liked you, and you saying that you also liked me. We were young, I was 19 and you were 17. Our first relationship, for the both of us. Everyday, I loved waking up and sending you a message! Telling you hello princesa! and you messaging me back after school because there was obviously a time difference between us but nothing mattered. I was happy to talk to you for a while here and there.

 

Then we began talking more and it was simply amazing. I remember how you made me wait a month to learn your name, I loved how secretive you were and how scared you were that I thought your name would be weird. I loved it! I loved hearing you fall asleep, and snoring as we talked and always telling you how you didn't snore. I still love you as much as I did during that time.

Fast forward a year and I was going to meet you! June 3rd to be exact it was the day of your high school graduation, I had booked the flight and hotel and was so excited to go see you.

 

As the day got closer..I couldn't wait anymore, I had to see you! So I talked my dad into letting me drive to Chicago, a 23 hour drive and he decided to go with me. Like a person with endless amount of adrenaline I was able to drive all the way to Chicago, we had planned to elope how dumb we were. Your parents had no idea I existed.

I got on that car and drove all the way to Chicago 5 days before your graduation, went to the hotel, and waited for Friday, your senior picture day. You got dressed up all nice and beautiful, and I went to your school without you knowing I was going to be there. I went to the front office and told the black female security guard, what I was doing and she couldn't believe it she was so excited! So here I was all dressed up with a huge ballon, huge teddy bear and roses.

 

I saw you in the crowd and started texting you. There was a man on a huge ladder taking the picture...

Our text messages went something such as..

Me: I hope the guy taking the picture doesn't fall down..

You: WHAT!?

Me: You know the guy who's taking the senior picture silly!

You: WHAT!?

Me: Stop moving! You look beautiful.

You: WHAT!!!????

Then your friend walking you towards me, and me surprising you and you began to scream and cry and started kissing me. Our first kiss ever was in front of your entire high school year.

 

 

You wanted to wait till marriage and I respected that. I loved you! So I decided to wait for you until marriage. You meant the world to me, and still do.

Fast forward a few more months, it became our second year anniversary and it was amazing knowing that I had such an amazing GF. You began college though and you changed. You changed so much.

 

 

I remember before you began college, I told you in an argument "You're going to end up leaving me for some guy." Sadly, I was right. On May 14, you left me for some guy. Oh how much it hurt me to know you left me for some other dude, after everything I had to done to see you. After 8 trips of seeing you, and every single trip coming out of my pocket, and everything I did just to see you meant nothing to you.

 

During that time I was going through some personal family problems, and I needed you. I really needed you but you were gone. Then I began seeing other people, oh how much I hated you, I really loathed you but you sent me a message one day telling me you loved me. How much you missed me and I instantly said yes! I loved you so much.

 

We began dating again and it was rocky, you constantly broke it off but I loved you and still purchased all the flights to see you. We were good for a year though, but then on our 4 year anniversary, you changed again. You began being cruel again.

 

You broke up the day of my midterm, and I failed all my midterms, I couldn't even concentrate, I wasn't trying to cry in all my classes. You said sorry though and we got back together...it all seemed perfect until the weekend before my flight.

 

I sent you something recently a "poem" and you loved it..I thought we were perfect and it went something such as..which was

Naked, under the moon of September

It was Perfect

If I could choose

I would save only that moment

As the purest of the feelings

That I have felt, for you

When I started to hold your hand

As we spoke all night under the candle night.

 

This was about us staying up all night holding hands and talking under the candle light we had setup on our anniversary.

 

I had bought the travel package to go see you on the 14th of December this time my dad who's in financial crisis decided to purchase this flight for me. You decided to break up with me though, knowing that I had everything to see you. Knowing that tomorrow are my finals, knowing how much you mean to me, and that my father bought the flight.

 

Through all of these years, I kept my promise of always loving you, and waiting until marriage but you said you fell out of love for me. You changed though you're not the amazing woman, I fell in love with.

 

I can see that you miss me because you've tried to talk to me but I just can't forgive you anymore. I just can't, i'm so tired of loving you unconditionally and never having got that back. I want to move on but I know if you tell me you love me I'll be weak again. I'm tired of us, i'm tired of your selfishness. I don't hate you, i'm not even mad at you. I just can't be with you.

 

In May, I'll be near you though, as I had applied for a job near Chicago in an amazing firm in my career with great pay and benefits. I'll finally be near you! You couldn't wait 6 more months. I'm not going to let you dictate my life, I want to see you and tell you how much I loved you but I can feel my love fading away everyday. I can see you're starting to miss me, but I just can't. I'm so tired. I see you getting on the chat we met and starting a conversation and then somehow it starts talking about us and so I get off, and you get off. You're only there to talk to me or see how I am. I just can't talk to you. I'm fed up with "love".

 

Merry Christmas, I wanted to text you that but I can't do it. Something in me tells me to never contact you again even though it hurts.

Edited December 26, 2014 by Ani
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