LDR and sickness?

[Zoeva]

Hi everyone

 

I've been in a LDR with my bf for 3,5 years now. At the beginning it was quite a breeze because he wasn't working and had time enough to meet up.

 

Now he works though and I'm still in school. Since this week Tuesday I had unexpectedly a lot of pain at my tail bone and they did a small surgical procedure to open up a cyst. Unfortunately I have to get this operated Wednesday again under general anesthesia.

 

To make this story as short as possible and not to bore you (), he didn't call me until Friday and I didn't bother picking up the phone. I had sent him Tuesday a message they were going to do the procedure and he said "good luck". I was (and still am urgh) in a lot of pain and there is a nurse that has to change the gauge every day. I was hoping he would call me but he didn't. So every day again I'd be like "why didn't you call me asking how I am?" and he said he is too busy and he does not have the time when he is on break at his job.

 

Yesterday I told him via WhatsApp that I was to have it surgically removed and the day after he didn't bother asking me how the operation will go and stuff because he had Googled it.

 

Do I have the right to be mad here and feel slightly neglected? At this point I'm getting more support from my parents and friends then from him and it truly saddens me.

[justwhoiam]

he didn't bother asking me how the operation will go and stuff because he had Googled it.

He's an a--hole.

 

Do I have the right to be mad here and feel slightly neglected?

Yes. It takes so little, like a text saying "hi, i hope you're ok". Or "imu". He's got other stuff on his mind and he doesn't care much about you, even knowing you were having surgery.

 

I'm getting more support from my parents

Well, I'd be concerned if you were not. Aren't you living with them??

 

Anyway, ignore him.

[HeavenOrHell]

Yes I would be upset at this.

[cup_of_tea]

Yes, I'd be very upset and disappointed!

 

You may not be on yoru death bed, but you are having surgery! I think he should understand that asking about your procedure isn't just for him to acquire information, it's a way for him to show you that he cares.

 

I think you should be very frank with him about in what way this is hurting you. He may be totally oblivious to it, but if you explain to him, he might wake up.

[Zoeva]

Thanks for the responses guys!

 

@whoami: you have a really good point, he has been promoted and has had lots of stress because of it so maybe he is expecting that I'm more of a support to him instead of the other way around.

 

He did send me a few texts through Whatsapp and then lately in the evening we chatted on Skype but not a real phone call. Just reading text is completely different then when you are calling your beloved one.

 

Anyway I did confronted him and he sees there is nothing wrong. He was saying I either never pick up or I might be sleeping so he didn't want to disturb me. Told him he could have even called me during his lunch break but he said it would be awkward because he is with colleagues than. I don't know what to think anymore about this.

[justwhoiam]

Thanks for the responses guys!

 

@whoami: you have a really good point, he has been promoted and has had lots of stress because of it so maybe he is expecting that I'm more of a support to him instead of the other way around.

 

He did send me a few texts through Whatsapp and then lately in the evening we chatted on Skype but not a real phone call. Just reading text is completely different then when you are calling your beloved one.

 

Anyway I did confronted him and he sees there is nothing wrong. He was saying I either never pick up or I might be sleeping so he didn't want to disturb me. Told him he could have even called me during his lunch break but he said it would be awkward because he is with colleagues than. I don't know what to think anymore about this.

 

Well, I guess you didn't tell us the whole story. He DID message you. It was his way of caring about you and letting you know he was thinking of you. Just, he didn't want to disturb. That makes sense. He probably thought you were having company, people around you, or you were taking a nap, or with the nurse, or under meds...

Don't complain about a man who's being considerate. Learn to communicate with him in better ways. Don't play the child who doesn't pick up because she's offended. And don't be offended if he doesn't call during lunch in a hurry with all the noise going on and his colleagues talking to him.

[Zoeva]

He could have easily called after his job. Just texting one message that I'll be fine etc. is weird to me when you know your partner is having health issues. Giving that person a call seems more logical. He had 4 days the time to give me a call, seems enough for me.

 

Anyway, I told him again that it was bothering me and he apologized and understood why I thought so. He said it probably was the stress of his new job that made him kind of "forget" my situation. Just glad that we talked it out

 

And everyone deals differently with situations, nothing immature about me not wanting to pick up the phone. At that time I thought it was too little too late of him to call last day on Friday when he could have showed interest sooner.

[cup_of_tea]

That's great that you two talked and he apologized. Open, honest conversation is the best way to go (I've learned that the hard way). Good luck with your relationship and your recovery!

[bcdg14]

i'm all shaky...cannot eat and before this connection happened with this man in another state...i would have never believed any of this whirlwind was possible. i came across this and i'm glad. my list of crap is pretty mainstream with what i've read by many. i'll come back when i can calm down and type better. havent slept in 2 days now! and i WILL be back!!! may try to eat now...i doubt that will happen...this situation has made me act like i've never in my life.....