DianneBetsy Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Basically I met this guy from Texas November last year. Im from the Philippines but currently working in Hong Kong. We just met on facebook. He's 18 and I just turned 24. We talked for a while then eventually became lovers(long distance lovers). The first and second month went really really well. Everything is all love and happiness. But on our third month its like the relationship started to go blurry, even before we became lovers we shared both or dark past and secrets and all that kind of stuffs. We were so open and honest. So i knew he's smoking weed and im not really happy with it. At first it didnt really bother me until he's been going to jail like twice in February because of it. It really really made me unhappy and it became an issue in our relatipnship already. Weve been constantly arguing about it and sad to say in that span of time just on our third month(March) like this March we broke up for like three times and been on this cycle, like a roller coaster. I really really love him both are families are really supportive about us but it felt as tho things has changed. We just got back together, we didnt talk for like a week and we told each other wer gonna try again. He promised me he will quit and will no longer be in jail but im always doubting him. I always ask him whether he smoked or not. And he would always say no and even promised he will be clean and give me a copy of his drug test result. Now that wer back the communication has changed. Its not like Before anymore. I message him on facebook and he would reply every after 10,20,30minutes. And always have so many things yo say that hes driving, with a friend, phone died, messages didnt send etc. I feel really really bad. Hes not like that before, i feel like he is not excited anymore. If we talk on voice he doesnt talk much and wud end up just cutting the call. If i ask him if he is still inlove he would say YES and im his world abd he will come down here on Aug. To meet me. If I ask him if he is losing interest he wpuld say no its just he is dling something. Is it obvious that hes changed and lost his interest already or is it just me? Im always crying everyday, i feel less important now. Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 How old are you both? What does he do for a living? Can you actually demand that someone is available for you at all times? I guess not if he's working or studying, or both. Anyway, you adopted really risky behavior by naming him your boyfriend and you've never met him. He's been to jail multiple times, so most likely he's a pusher and involved in gang issues (and it's really hard to get out of some bad circles). And we don't know what else. It looks like you're looking for trouble. And no, I don't think you can fix any of that. And getting clean is a long road after all that s--t. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 What are you doing with an 18 year old, OP? How can you be lovers if you have never met? This isn't a relationship, it's a fantasy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 I find it hard to believe he went to jail for just smoking weed, idk what its like in America but in Canada you would have to be selling/holding a great deal to be put in cuffs for it, if he just smokes it small amounts he prob went to jail for something else. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 He's a teenager and is not ready for the committment a 24 yr old woman is interested in. You shouldn't have even gotten involved! WTF why do you wanna be with someone who makes you feel miserable? Have you had real life boyfriends? I don't understand why you are dating a teenager who lives oceans away. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 You are a grown woman in "love" with an 18 year old child. They have short attention spans. This child already has a criminal record. The fact that you call yourselves "lovers" makes me wonder because have not been physically in the same place ever. You aren't lovers. You are playing on the Internet. It's not real. He can't come to you. One he probably doesn't have enough money to travel internationally. With those drug convictions, it may not be allowed in your country. The fact that after 3 months there are already problems means this isn't worth the effort to fix. Go find a geographically more convenient man who is your own age. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DianneBetsy Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 This is my first LDR and it does happen to some. We used to talk everyday and gt so excited the next day. Now its totally diff. I wouldnt even hear nything from him before i go to bed. Like now(Im crying) im.overly stupid huh? But I rili feel for this guy. My world revolved around him and all my time was on him since we started talking. I wanted to end the suffering but i just cudnt stop talking to him. i feel like it wud rili hurt me. Whats happening yt now is rili affecting me big time. It affects my job and all other factor. And no hes not in school infact he just got fired recently but they own a business so he works there temporarily. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 This is my first LDR and it does happen to some. We used to talk everyday and gt so excited the next day. Now its totally diff. I wouldnt even hear nything from him before i go to bed. Like now(Im crying) im.overly stupid huh? But I rili feel for this guy. My world revolved around him and all my time was on him since we started talking. I wanted to end the suffering but i just cudnt stop talking to him. i feel like it wud rili hurt me. Whats happening yt now is rili affecting me big time. It affects my job and all other factor. And no hes not in school infact he just got fired recently but they own a business so he works there temporarily. It's a fantasy, not an LDR or any other kind of relationship OP. This guy is a stranger. You don't have anything to bond you together. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DianneBetsy Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 I've had two boyfriends in the past those I get to see eveyday. I dont even know.why or how. Like eveyday i talk to myself and try to convince myself it is not going to work but i couldnt just let go. I feel like a doormat. I feel so dumb for eveythig. I javent even seen the guy and im alredy crying over him.this bad. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 you. dont. know. him!!! you are filling in the blanks with fantasy. it's NOT REAL. he's a freaking KID. and one with a criminal record?! lol what part of that is appealing to a 24 yr old? though not gonna lie, your posting does make you sound very young/immature, so perhaps you connect well with younger guys...which is fine, just find a local one that YOU CAN ACTUALLY KNOW. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DianneBetsy Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 I feel rili stupid and immature. I cant imagine im in distress over a guy i havent even met. Ive been rili crying a lot these days specially when i message him and it wud take half an hour for him yo respond tho he knows im waiting and when he dont go online when he knows im about tk go tk sleep. Pls slap the reality into my face maybe u cud help me convince it not rili worthit. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 You wanted to believe in the fairytale. We all do but we have to live in reality. Now you need to end this with him -- block him on FB, no more contact. You tried the LDR. It didn't work. Move on to something & somebody more realistic who you can actually have a relationship with. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 I feel rili stupid and immature. You seem a bit immature with the way you type... Sorry I missed your age. He went to jail several times, he's into drugs and he got fired. No wonder. There's no way you can fix him, especially from a distance. And you don't have the nerve to bear this situation. You are fragile and keep crying. Go no contact ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 I'm sorry but I am finding it hard to believe this is an honest thread. Call me cynical but this wreaks of something very fishy not to mention a tad disturbing if it is true. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TAV Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 I'm sorry but I am finding it hard to believe this is an honest thread. Call me cynical but this wreaks of something very fishy not to mention a tad disturbing if it is true. oh oh, you'll have the moderator on your ass now Link to post Share on other sites
Butterflying Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 You are both too young to date long distance. LDRs require a lot of sacrifices & discipline in order to be successful. Goals have to be set, timelines have to be met. The first question you have to answer is what you want the relationship to be. Do you plan to marry this person? If so, then you have to prepare to eventually live together. Who will relocate? If these things are too serious to even think about right now, you are wasting your time. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 You need to set a specific time to meet someone, when they are online and long distance. You can't mess about. An LDR is one of those weird situations where you have to start thinking long term almost before you've even started. As the poster above says - would you move for them? Would they move for you? Have you spoken, properly? Are the stories they tell you, consistent with their action and activities? He's 18, so he's pretty young. He smokes weed, which you've admitted you don't like (don't blame you), so already, your relationship is throwing up a few red flags. There also seems to be little consensus on the meeting thing. Bottom line, you're not "in a relationship" until you've at least met and spent some time together. I'd be working on making that happen, sooner, rather than later. Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGal Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 (edited) There is NO relationship here. You are an adult, he is a teenager. He hit puberty not long ago. He is a boy. You are a woman. OK, so now that's out of the way... You are in the Philippines, he is in America. Too far...Especially for a young boy who probably cannot afford to pay for an airplane ticket, let alone his lunch ticket. You need to stop crying over something pretty much nonexistent. Stop grieving. You just met him and are taking this 'relationship' too seriously. He is a pothead. He needs to focus on his real life issues, you need to focus on your real life issues. Please end communication with him. You're in La La Land. This relationship is a fantasy. Very unrealistic expectations. Not saying international dating is not possible because IT IS but what I'm saying is this boy is not someone you should be involved with. You two are NOT lovers, you two are merely strangers that have been having an one-and-off chat for the past 3 months. You do not know him nor does your family know him. Nothing more there. Please find someone more age-appropriate and control your feelings better. Good luck! Edited March 29, 2014 by ThisGal Link to post Share on other sites
ohnoo Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 What bothered me is that you said your families are supportive. For real?! But you two haven't met yet! Do they know he smokes pot? And how sure are you that he talked to his family about you? Did you talk to them? Just 3 months and you're taking this way too seriously. You're correct, you're being dumb and immature. And geez, crying cos he's not replying for 30 mins. Lol! You need to get a life girl. Link to post Share on other sites
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