whispering_willoww Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Ok well I am planning on relocating to where my LDR BF is and this whole thing is nothing but stressful for me. I have never lived in any other state before and now I am moving there. Thank God I have a few friends there but still I don't want to have to cling to him like a life raft but in a sense that is what he will be to me. How can I make this move and him not get annoyed by me being clingy and needy. He says he is really happy I am coming down there and that's fine, but how can I keep myself from suffocating him when I get there? I am so frustrated right now I could scream. We have come across several roadblocks but they have worked out smoothly eventually. Now this next roadblock he is putting in the way. i know the number 1 arguement in relationships is finances. he has made the decision to take over a lease on a porsche and looking at what we make, this is just not practical and sensible. he claims to be helping out a friend who has gotten in a bit of financial trouble. he says he will be able to drive it and it will be his after the lease is up because the loan will be signed over. I am so frustrated right now, i'm not even down there yet, waiting on a job offer which hopefully will come through this week. He says he will get another job blah blah blah but he has 2 jobs already and teaches music lessons to 2 students, when is he going to find the time for another job and a full time relationship. he says he thinks i underestimate him when i really feel he overestimates himself. he told me if i didn't want him to do it he wouldn't, but come on, if i told him no he would get upset and say he's just trying to help this person out blah blah blah.... ugh!!! I just don't even know what to do right now. All of these roadblocks are starting to get on my nerves and this one could be avoided. We love one another very much but how can i get him to see what this could do financially?? I am not going to put myself in a situation that I have to pay all of the bills and expenses. Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Olivia_19742004 Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Have you discussed how the finances are going to be handled? Will you be splitting the household bills down the middle and contributing equal amounts to cover those bills? I'd just be sure you both have an understanding of what is going to be expected once you move in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whispering_willoww Posted July 27, 2004 Author Share Posted July 27, 2004 Thanks for responding. We have discussed that and we are supposed to be splitting everything down the middle. I talked to him tonight and was disheartened to find that all of this really is set in stone. I told him I had a lot of time to think about it since he told me yesterday and he said he did too. he just kept saying it was all going to work out. I kept saying to him I am sick of living paycheck to paycheck as most people are. I looked at me moving there with him as a way to finally be able to save a little money in hopes of being able to get a house one day. Now I feel like my hopes for that have just gone by the wayside because he wants this car. Regardless, it is a very large city with endless opportunities professionally speaking. Now that I have the ball rolling, I will more than likely still move, but just not in with him. I feel he needs to show me he is more responsible than this. I have to question the fact that if we get married and have children some day is this what I have to raise my children around? Don't get to eat but at least you look good with a nice car? this is ridiculous. I am putting my foot down. Either me or the car. and if he chooses the car, then that's his loss, I know i will be fine either way. i love him to death but I don't think I will ever love another man enough to go into debt for him. Been there done that, not looking for a sequel. it's just the hard part is that I do love him and his decision if it is not me will say a lot about what he really thinks and feels about me, but with such a large risk of moving to another state, I will just have to take that chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whispering_willoww Posted July 28, 2004 Author Share Posted July 28, 2004 Well now there is another problem, i didn't get the job. He is definately upset about that but not as much as i am. i had been thinking, the recruiters i'm working with had been telling me and even he suggested it one time that i go ahead and move and get a job when i get there. the recruiters said it would be easier on me and i wouldn't have to spend so much in air fare. well i told him this today and we really just disagreed. he kept telling me he wanted material things and he has been so happy driving this car etc. so i told him fine if that is what makes him happy fine. i just can't believe that he is going to put a piece of tin between our relationship. i told him that i hated the car because just in this short time it has changed our relationship of course because of the financial aspect. i don't know what to do, i love him so much and when he was here in the same town as me our relationship had such a strong connection and now that he has moved, this man he is working for has morphed him into someone i almost don't recognize. before he kept telling me that it would all be better and like it used to be when he was here once i get down there. i am so disappointed right now and a little depressed too. Link to post Share on other sites
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