Jump to content

Husband moving business with heavy doses of guilt. Feeling like crap.


Recommended Posts

Okay, so I'm back again. I had our nightly conversation with the hub last night in which I confessed my terrible loneliness for him. It being only Tuesday, I didn't know how I'd make it through the week. I started crying. He responded that he would just move back next week, but that he wondered what the next problem would be. That made me feel like crap. He went on about how it would throw him off production, how he had no place to move, how much money he had invested, but "that's okay, I'll just get a job like you want me to". Guilt guilt guilt! I told him that I didn't want to be responsible for his misery and that I didn't want him to look back at his life and say " I could have done this, but my wife made me quit". I told him to stay up there. He now insists that he will move.

 

Crap! I can't change the way I feel. I asked him if I could vent when we first started talking and he said that he wouldn't get upset. It isn't like him. I even asked him if he regretted getting married. He replied that he thought marriage would make things better but that it only made things worse.

 

I have to be able to tell my husband how I feel. If not to him, then to whom? Now I have guilt!!! Advice, please.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You shouldn't feel guilty, you were just telling your husband how you feel, which is supposed to be what marriages are based on, communication. It's not your fault he had to use the guilt trip on you. Its normal for you to be lonely when your husband is away, and he should be more understanding of your feelings. It's really sad that he thinks marriage has made things worse for him. Marriage is supposed to a wonderful bond between two people. It's really obvious that you care a lot for him, or you wouldn't be feeling all of this guilt. The loneliness that you're feelings just shows how much you love him. How about instead of sitting at home thinking about much you miss him, why don't you go out and do something nice that makes you think of him, and makes you excited about his return. You could go out and buy a sexy outfit to wear for him on the night he comes back, and maybe next time he goes he will be the one missing you like crazy. You don't want your husband thinking marriage is making things worse, but don't do anything to make yourself feel bad, because your feelings are just as important as his. It's perfectly normal to want to tell your husband how you feel, and that's how it should be, but maybe he was just tired, or maybe he's missing you, too, and he just doesn't want to think about it. Whatever it is, if he doesn't want to hear it, he won't listen. So next time you're really lonely and your husband won't listen to how you feel, you can write it on here, I'd be happy to try my best to help you feel better.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thanks so much! Last night was a little better. He called earlier than usual and we had a long talk, but not about what had happened on Tues Night. I just thought of my favorite memory of him. When I came to his house the first time we spent a weekend together. I pulled up, it was cold outside! His front door was open. The first thing I heard when I opened my car door was "Moonlight Becomes You" on the stereo, and he was sitting at the door on his rocking chair just waiting for me with this goofy look on his face. And it was there that I decided that I did love him! I'll remember it always, that moment in time! It was a wonderful weekend, just hanging out together. Corny? I guess, but I'm a corny girl! Thanks again.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I would NEVER agree to have my husband (if I were married) work a long distance from home, unless I wanted to get rid of him or wanted a divorce. So many marriages fall apart when one of the people lives elsewhere during the week. So many affairs start. A couple of people I know in successful long-term marriages also said the same. One woman's husband had considered doing that years ago and she said absolutely not.

 

It's pretty crappy of him to be putting a guilt trip on you as well. He's wrong on that part of it definitely.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...